Does one ever get over your best friend, lover, mate cheating on you? Especially if they do it over a longer time frame?

[Jackba57]

Married 3 years. Met in the Navy. We did everything together. Moved to a small state university town when we got out and started (finish for me) university. She was working at the local hospital. I graduated and got into grad school, was invited on several expeditions and was becoming very “up and coming” in my field. She told me she was bored and wanted to rejoin the Navy. I was going to get a PhD anyway and figured I could do that anywhere so I supported her in pursuing a better career. She left for her duty station late that October. I finished my semester and joined her in December. So two month separation. She was distant. She suggested I return to grad school in the previous state and finish and rejoin her in the spring. Long story short, she’d been having an affair with her boss aboard ship the entire time. She admitted it one day, but made it seem like a singular event. It wasn’t. I left. Returned. We were going to work it out. I caught her one weekend meeting him again. Ended it. She begged me to take her back and take her away. So I did. I through myself deep into work, houses, success, kids etc. I was hospitalised recently for major surgery on my back. She saw me once. Never called. Distant again. That brought all those memories from years ago crashing right back. Questions. Feelings of worthlessness. No love. You know the story. I never had pushed her about her affair. She left the Navy, we left the state, moved 1800 miles away. Never talked about it again. But she never did act like she desired me. Like before her affair. So sex became less and less frequent. Then it was “it hurts”. Then it was “I just don’t feel aroused”. So when she appeared very uncaring while I was in the hospital, it was just like going back in time to her affair. Sat her down and demanded answers. Who? Why? How long? Etc. I got most of the answers except why.

am I ever going to get over this?

[Fireguy17]

I didn't, it happened twice.
I thought something was up with my first wife, and 1 day she had called in sick, and at that time I was driving a school bus in the afternoon and my last stop was not far from the house, so when I pulled up I saw the landlord's truck, and when I walked in I saw him backing into the closet pulling up his pants, and she asked me what I was doing there and I said I used to live here and left.
I moved out in about 2 weeks.
I had another long term relationship and she was also seeing someone, or more than 1 so I left.
It was a few months later she stopped in my store, I was/am self employed and wanted to get back together, I guess the others didn't treat her very well. I thought thought about it, but I was seeing someone else at the time, so I just moved on.
I always wondered what would have happened had I taken her back, but I would have also needed her to come clean about what she had done and why, but I still don't know if I could have trusted her ever again.
about 20ish years out of the blue my ex-wife called me, and we started talking once in a while.
She had gotten remarried, not to the guy she was cheating on me with, no surprise there, and that wasn't going well either.
She lived halfway across the country, bur her mom still lived in the same house so about once a year or so when she came in to see her mom she would stop in to visit for a bit before she had to drive home.
We are good friends now, but that is all.
I still wonder what if on that one as well.
But my life only improved in time, and things worked out well so I'm thinking I had made the right decisions, or just got lucky.
It took a while to turn my life around after my first marriage failed, but it all worked out for the best.

[Jackba57]

I trusted her. She never cheated again. Raised the kids, took care of our home, our acreage, the horses, chickens what not. She was busy, nice, and happy I think. I worked my butt off getting to the top of my field. I look back and it was “sex hurts after 2nd kid”…then “I’m not interested right now”, then…It was this just hurry up kind of thing…. then it was “I’m just not stimulated tgat way anymore”…. then when I dropped the hammer on her after my surgery and her just not caring if I made it back or not…I told her exactly how I felt. Found out how long it went on, how soon she sought him out, who he was…but she never answered why. The typical…”I wasn’t thinking”….”I was drinking with him”…”I can’t remember it’s so long ago”. So I moved out of the bedroom and became a room mate. Took care of mysel and was nice to her, but roomie nice. Boom…now she want sex. Now I’m the love of her life. Cuz she’s afraid I’ll leave her.

[Fireguy17]

I don't think I could have ever trused her again, however we did not have kids so that may have changed things for me.
Glad it worked out for you!

[OlderAndWiser]

Dude, she doesn't love you and you are waiting for something that will never happen. Getting over it requires leaving her, learning your lessons, and starting over.

[Jackba57]

Far, far too late for that. Twilight.

[OlderAndWiser]

Love is just as sweet at any age.

[Kween1]

You're a very good guy ey, not many would actually continue with the relationship if they found out their partner was having an affair, you forgave her and wanted to work through the relationship regardless of all the pain and broken trust she brought upon you which tellsthat you're STRONG. Honestly speaking It's gonna take a while, It's never easy to get over someone cheating on you. Might take days, months, a year, it depends but one thing I can tell you is that you one day will. You're STRONG enough to go through this process, start your healing process. You'll get there my brother. I had once been cheated on by someone i called my soulmate I never ever ever thought I'd get over it, it took me 7months to get over it but eventually I did and right now I have the perfect partner. God removes people from our lives cause he knows they are bad for our health. Don't question It. He's probably removing this one cause he knows what she's doing behind your back. Your soulmate is out there waiting for you and it's definitely not this girl. I'm sorry for all that happened but It's life ey sometimes we have to less our expectations and create room for disappointment. Just start by accepting things the way they are. I know you probably still love her but she clearly doesn't show any love. Remember! You're strong. You'll get through this!!! And oh, yes you will find someone that loves you unconditionally just be patient with yourself.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I’m really sorry but it sounds like she’s just not into you. She should never have married you.

[PrettyPriya]

I don't think you ever fully get over someone cheating. I certainly wouldn't be able to. That is the lowest thing to do to a partner.

[Jackba57]

I certainly haven’t. I stil get this cold gut reaction when I think about him and her. Her, a senior Navy Corpsman, him the LCDR officer in charge. She was his direct report. It’s mind boggling to me. I’ve decided that she only loves hersel and her desires. I wish I had found a woman that actually loved me. That’s so important in life.

[Ivettev]

Unfortunately, it’s going to take a while. All I can say from personal experience is that you will never get the answers you are looking for. You will have days were you feel like crap and wonder if you did anything wrong. Then there will be days we’re you at okay.
the best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself and don’t beat yourself up about the what ifs.

[Anonymous]

honestly no. you got to realize something women are scum they are the scum of the earth. they will cheat and have no remorse then blame you for their cheating. they have no heart no sympathy no empathy no remorse they're to busy competing against men and use men for their money and financial assets. look at the corrupt court system. they favor women over men. they give women custody child support payments alimony and lighter smaller prison or jail sentences if any while the guy pays child support alimony fights tooth and nail to see his child in parental visits and gets harsher longer jail and prison sentences and has a much higher suicide rate but yet never gets addressed by this fucked up gender biased society that is hypocritical and a double standard on men's rights

[Opinion Owner]

women cheat they branch swing or monkey branch from one guy's dick to another guy's dick and when people call them out on it they don't care and they sure as hell don't care what std's they contract and play the fun game of wheel of father or guess who the baby daddy is on maury povich and look at shows like teen whore og and teen whore 2 err i mean "teen mom og" and "teen mom 2"

[DizzyDesii]

My first boyfriend cheated all the time but he said he could never be with just one girl that he needed to taste every flavor of ife cream. He was fcked up before he met me so that made me feel better and yea i got over it

[Anonymous]

You were a fool to take her back more than once. Should have walked away after she met him for that week-end. Some girl replied here and said you were "strong" for doing what you did. I think you were weak, and I think you can't forgive yourself for it. I don't think you care if you forgive HER or not if things could be like they were. But they can't, you know it, and now you have forgive YOURSELF to get over it. That's when you get over it.

[Jackba57]

Agreed

[Staximus]

Man, that's fucked. You should have dropped her like a hot potato the first time she cheated. Tell her "you never cared about me as much as I cared about you, it's time for you to be out of my life" and go find a woman who gives a fuck

[msc545]

You will get over it (mostly) unless you keep going back to it and trying to make it work. It will not ever work, and there is nothing there for you except pain. You need to move on and never look back - this woman does not care a bit about you and probably never has. I'm sorry - I've been there myself.

[Anonymous]

Brother I can tell you that it never goes away fully. Your did the same bullshit as all the rest.
Told you it was a one time thing, when it wasn’t.
She will always be a cheater because she knows she can.
You need to realize you are better than that and she is trash. Get rid of her and start living for you and your kids. Women like her deserve nothing in this world. Let her dig her own gutter and stop letting her manipulate you.

[katiesmuff]

You should have gotten over this years before, like the moment she wanted back into the Navy.

[Jackba57]

No. I should have figured it out.

[normandi]

U were in love and kept forgiving her
The only way is to find another woman marry her and the fuck with that bitch.
Forgetting is a state of mind train your mind not to give a fuck and it will work

[M_o_m_o]

In order to overcome the problem, we have to face the essence of the problem in the true sense.

[Jackba57]

Don’t agree. I need to know why. Not “I wasn’t thinking”. Not “I was drinking with him”. Not “it was so long ago, I can’t remember”. How come I can still hear every single word?

[Anonymous]

Yeah. In the same way we "get over" putting our hand on a hot stove.

[Bside]

No they don't it's not ok.

[TrueConfection]

You said married 3 years. Was all this in 3 years?

[Jackba57]

Getting married, moving, university, her cheating yes.

[Iron_Man]

That’s awful sorry to hear that

[Anonymous]

Depends on why they did it.

[Jackba57]

He was her boss, naval officer, handsome. She was trading up.