What happened? How did you move past it? If you couldn't move past it how long did it take you to realize it? Have you ever stayed with someone who cheated on you?
Have you ever stayed with someone who cheated on you?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I found out she had sex with another guy and confronted her. She cried and said she was sorry and said she was devastated that she hurt me. We worked on it for four months, during which time I said that I wanted all the facts. Everything. Don't hold back. I needed the truth to move on from the lies. I told her that it wasn't so much the actual sex that ate away at me. It was the lies and cover ups that shattered my trust. She said she would do that and anything else I needed. Well, she had said she only hooked up with him three times and that it was mostly just companionship while I was long distance. (Smh at how stupid I was.) Then I found out that it was a four month affair. Sleepovers multiple times a week. Dates and picnics. PDAs. Going to the gym. Going to his baseball games. Cooking together. Playing house. And unprotected sex with him while she was having unprotected sex with me. All her friends knew. And the ultimate infidelity is that she really was grooming him to be her boyfriend without ever telling him she was dating me. She lied to both of us. That's when I realized that she was never was truly sorry for doing something wrong. Because she didn't see it as wrong. Just exploring her options. She was only sorry she got caught. But, like an idiot, I tried for another four months. I was blinded by love and lust and the connection we had. Finally I just realized that, even though I loved so much about her, she was not the one for me. Trust is absolutely the foundational requirement for a healthy relationship. Without it, there is nothing.
@Tdieseler Well you answered the question correctly. I pretty much just went to the extreme on one end. I answered it based it on a married couple who has been together for a very long time, has kids, etc etc... that is what popped into my mind when I read the question.
ah... the age/experience factor lol... What you said was on point too.. and now that you add the variables... it would be a little harder but there is ALWAYS a workaround. just gotta use it. funny thing about when people "stray" on you... you can forgive... but i dont think you ever forget.
I don't know if this counts but I'm in the army and my husband is air force. We are regularly deployed and don't see each other for long periods of time. During these times we keep our relationship open so that we can have sex (only sex) with someone else while the other is away. I've always waited while my husband tends to hook up with someone maybe once every 1-2 months. We've never had any problems because we are open and honest and I do believe that if/when I decide to sleep with someone while he's deployed it will not effect our relationship
It will not go well if you ever get pregnant. I know a few people who did this. One of them, she got pregnant but it ruined their relationship while they had a test done. Yes he was the father but the damage was already done. So please be careful
It works well for us. We are open and honest with everything that happens while the other is away so it works. And I mean I get that it isn't for everybody, but when you go 3 -8 months at a time not seeing your spouse chances are they will cheap or be temped too (I'm not saying everyone would please don't attack me š). We are just accepting this an finding a way to not have problems arise from this
Gotta define Cheating first (ugh... fucking people, sex is not the only way to cheat, cheating starts way before someone fucks another)
NO i dont stay with someone who cheats/cheated on me... but i HAVE stayed with a couple people who Fucked someone else while being with me. It only happens once (cuz i learn)... Different situations... and for both, i had different restitutions... but they did fuck someone else so i just took an "anything goes" pass. For the the most part... if someone who claims to be your partner, did something with someone else that wasn't you... without your knowledge... Check Yourself First. because its highly likely YOU did something that drove them to another person. Women dont seem to get that... always believe they dont do nothing wrong... and men... are sometimes too dumb to see it.
I dont sympathize with any side... when i got "cheated" on... i realized (and admitted) that i was the one who fucked up. She liked a lot of attention, she wasn't getting it, she got it elsewhere... same shit i would have done. so why blame her?
So look at your own self first because if my theory is right, i believe YOU cheated First.
@DizzyDesii lol... i like this guy. who was this? ok, i like him because he was upfront... but honestly, at this point i'd just leave. My "straying" (without cause) days are over. i mean... if i ain't getting it from the person im supposed to be with... why are they saying they are with me... and yea... i know you are waiting... but that is a CHOICE you made. and this guy made a CHOICE too... so you can't be mad :)
@DizzyDesii we all have those... someone was my first... but i won't say everything... but I've been quite a few peoples first everything. i guess its just up to the person. Bottomline..."now you know"...
@DizzyDesii who said he was fucked up? aren't you happy to be dominant now? (and yummy if i may add...) i never discount what exes do... yea they didn't fulfill the fantasy... but they made you realize new things about yourself... and how to move on. Now you are a strong woman who know what and WHO the fuck she wants... thats why i hate it when some women say..."and he just wasted my time"... did they really? if thats true... then you wasted theirs as well... because you spent the same amount of time. You live you learn... you think i became a cunt automatically? no... i learned from the tons of exes (whose hearts i broke :( ) we all learn... so dont say fucked up dude... say fucked up situation.
@DizzyDesii Just saying boo... i see a lotta angles in this stupid war. shit used to be so simple. let me link you to something else. lets see what you got.
Yeah i did.. I was at work, he was supposed to pick me up, he didn't show so i called and i guess my son answered the phone without knowing. I heard a girls voice and a baby which i didn't have cuz my kids were toddlers. I got a ride, rush home n noone was there. House was spotless which was werid cuz he usually didn't clean tht good. He basically lied but i found the girls stuff in my car, i forgave him cuz we had a little family but it took a while but he cheated again. I definitely moved past it and him.
No my ex cheated on me and she became nothing to me , but i know people that have stayed together after 1 cheated and it's very rare that that it lasts cuz the cheater eventually cheats again or the non cheater ends up cheating so it's a. waste of. time the. trust is broken so why try to fix something that was already destroyed it Will never be the same. If someone loves you they won't. cheat on you , so by them cheating. already shows they dont love you. Find someone that Will love ypu and. be. faithful to. you. Life is too short. to waste your time on someone that is selfish
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Yes, I have. Worst mistake ever but I've now learnt from it.
My first boyfriend cheated on me several times. At the time I never saw it as cheating because I was young and clueless. Now I will say it was cheating. He emotionally and physically cheated on me. I stay with him for 2 years after that. I'm glad I left because those 2 years were really hard for me. I had a feeling he was seeing other women but I brushed it off. When it all came out in the end, I was broken. I'm glad I realised I had to leave and that I left when I did. It's so toxic to stay with someone who cheats. I thought he'd get over it and we'd work hard on our relationship. We did or so I thought. Just more lies and sugarcoating from him.
I had that happen three times to me. Two relationships and a marriage all cheated on me. Had a wife wanted nothing but money from me and another bloke behind my back. A girlfriend I had got pregnant to a bloke behind my back. Then I had another girlfriend and she couldnāt get rid off her ex boyfriend who kept at it to get her away from me. She did and now she told him to get lost from his mind games to her she finally recontacted me and we restated our relationship and things going well now. But her ex is still trying to convince her but she said no to his mind games. Iām so proud of her.
If your married and have kids its kind of hard to leave and get away if your male. It took me 3 years to realise , in that time I lost my job my house because I couldnt concentrate and make good desiscions and then i had to leave which meant leaving my kids too. Its very difficult and unfare place to be. So yes i stayed 3 years before i woke up and left
No I havenāt. Sounds harsh, but I only give one chance. Leave, and itās over.
I donāt play the emotional credit car game of ājust this once.ā The leave and come back, leave and come back thing. Iāve seen what that can do to people. She leaves, itās over.
Is it hard? Hell yea it is. But, in the long run, itās always worked out for the best, for both of us.
Nope... Once they did they lost all credibility with me... That was as soon as i found out, which had they been honest about it though instead of lying, i would have been willing to work through and as long as they never repeated what they did and if they were genuine about a future
I dumped her 3 months after though because I felt like I could've been doing some better things without her, and I was getting swayed by other girls left and right on twitter after they learned that she cheated on me.
One of her friends actually messaged me in a heartbeat to "talk" to me, like she knew it was going to happen.
Kinda weird ain't it? They wanna be friends after they rip your heart out.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
A girl im in to, is currently engaged. She flited MAJORLY, and didn't even tell me she was engaged OR even had a boyfriend. I had to find out from her friend that she was even engaged. it was confirmed when she accepted my instagram request. Go figure. A girl, thinking she can flirt. HA!
Well I was with the girl 16 years she cheated on me from day one. Hind sight kills. She was a huge slut. didn't know it untell she openly cheated on me. I tried to make things work but she never loved me. She took my virginity and she raped me. I was stupid thinking she cared.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Kinda my other half was messaging another girl on holiday and she was in same place as us same dates I nagged and we had a fight about it can remeber it so well he is trying like last year or so to show me he has changed but I will never accept just friends when my other half talks to other girls as I donāt believe in that x
I've stayed through good and bad, but cheating is my limit. I've never been cheated on, since I'd say that I know how to choose my partner, but if that ever happened, I'd leave right away. If I'm betrayed once, I never trust that person again.
I stayed the first time, forgave to the best of my abilities, when it happened again, I had no desire to stay. It took a few months and I just felt nothing for him, it didn't matter that we were married for 13 years; I was done. So is it possible to forgive a cheater, sure, but don't be surprised if it happens again.
Yeah, cause I didnāt know what was good for me. Cheating is a hard subject to add suggestions on. Thatās best left to the couples. But after my experience, I would never stay with that person again
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