What would you do if your best friend looked up Boyfriend without asking?

[Anonymous]

I have known my boyfriend since last April we started off as friends and started dating in October. My best friend has been so damaged that she trusts no guy her friend's date. She keeps telling me to watch out for red flags which he has none and she met him and said he seems like a really nice and good guy. But that wasn't good enough for her. She went behind my back and searched about him. She is a genealogist, so she can find out anything she wants to know about someone. She saw he has been married 3 times. Something I've known before we started dating. When she told me she looked at me like she was about to bust him out on a lie. I told her I knew I didn't care and that she had no right to do that. She then proceed to say "I don't think his last wife is really dead because I found no obit" His last wife had a full mental break and died of an OD. Sadly her parents never put an obit in the paper. I had to go as far as to show my friend my boyfriend's sister talking about her and his ex's parents talking about her. My friend is so far off her rocker that she suggested that she could still be alive and "Everyone is in on it" I love my friend but I think her mental health is so bad it's making her paranoid. I was in an abusive for 17 years and I finally found someone who treats me right and makes me happy. But she is doing everything she can to try and destroy that. (My boyfriend is 43. 10 years older than me. He got married out of high school and was married for 12 years and his wife cheated. The second wife was a rebound and he ended that fast. Of course, the last one she had a bad mental break. She decided she could no longer be a mother to their special needs son and my boyfriend had to send her back to live with her parents. She ended up on drugs and OD. No one knew she was on drugs until she died)

[Fanfare690]

It's a boundary you need to set. I feel she's looking out for you but damn this is too much. What does she even expect you do to about. Why is he with you and not the wife? These are questions we need answered

[Asker]

They divorced and she is dead

[Fanfare690]

Your friend Is doing absolutely way too fucking much!! Tell her to stop

[Asker]

I know she is. It would be okay if she looked to see if he is a sex offender or was in prison or jail. But I told her I looked all that up before we started officially dating. I think she might be jealous because all her relationships fail. I did get assertive with her to the point I thought she was going to cry. She apologized. But she said I need to look out for red flags. I understand that. But someone can't be happy in a relationship and be paranoid that their partner is up to something or lying.

[Fanfare690]

Exactly I agree with you 100% I mean I guess no need to further do investigation if she brings it up ask her what are their motives... like if she's still alive so what? Are you the cash cow that he will take over your investments if you some how pass away early? Like do you see or agree how insane how all of this is and how do we get your friend to see that. Cause I think she's unwell. Personally

[Asker]

I have no money. He isn't loaded either. It's crazy that she thinks all his family and hers would lie about his ex being dead. I know she is unwell. She even said so herself many times. But she continues to act this way. I have trauma from being with an abusive person. So what she is doing doesn't help my healing process. She went as far to say the way I think is due to my trauma. That sent my thoughts spiraling for a while and made me think my thoughts were not my own because of all the damage my ex caused. I had to pull myself out of it and tell myself she is wrong. She either knows she is triggering me or she really doesn't see it.

[Fanfare690]

she's delusional because that's what you experienced not her. She just doesn't know how it feels to be played with and abused. Fuck her!! She needs to knock it off. You are strong af dealing with that

[Asker]

I told her today I will be moving to be close to my boyfriend because he is who I want to be with and who makes me happy. I told her I feel miserable being away from him and living in the same town as my ex. I told her I'm putting myself and my happiness first for once. Her response was to tell me I'm letting my abuser win. She hates my boyfriend for no reason. She only met him once and he was nothing but kind to her. She has been my friend for almost 23 years and now I'm going to be forced to cut her out of my life because she is hindering the healing process while trying to destroy my happiness.

[Fanfare690]

I understand and respect how you feel. You dont have to cut her off but gives her distance... lot of it

[Asker]

I talked to my boyfriend's sister about it. She is a counselor to abused women and went through the same thing with her now husband of 25 years. People she thought were her friends turned on her, and she was forced to cut them off when she moved away. When trying to heal from almost 20 years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse, I can't deal with my friend's issues. She needs to get therapy to fix herself.

[Fanfare690]

Damn I respect that. That's a shame.

[Asker]

It is. I don't know why people have to be that way toward others. My so-called friend said I'm moving away today because I'm "Paranoid" and "afraid" of my ex... she can't grasp that I love my boyfriend. Our friendship is over.

[Guy13]

I would keep my eye on that B-. She went way beyond her purview. That's borderline psycho behavior of someone who has a crush on you...

[Asker]

If you're saying she has a crush on me. I have thought about that. She does like men and women. I've known her for 22 years. I have always viewed her as my sister. I agree it's borderline psycho and it's put a strain on our relationship. When I move to be with my boyfriend 2 hours away I know she won't talk to me again. But at this point, I'm okay with it.