Why is my best friend playing hard to get?

[Anonymous]

I recently developed very strong feelings for one of my best friends. We have always been a little flirty, but the signals are sometimes very mixed. Yet the idea of romance has never been brought up between us. Well recently, a very good mutual friend of ours allegedly told her the way I felt about her when I wasn't around. I don't know this for sure because she hasn't brought it up to me. For a while after she supposedly found out, everything was totally normal. Then about 2 weeks ago she started acting different. She hasn't been asking me to hang out, or asking me to call her, or asking me out to lunch before work like she always has. Though we have been hanging out during this period, its always with our other friend too and the plans are always made between him and her. She has been texting and calling him like normal. I feel like she's even a little more flirty with our friend around me lately too. Every time I call her, if she answers the phone, she is usually doing something else and she tells me she will call me later and never does. When one of us gets off work I will tell her to call me and she says she will, but she doesn't. When we are actually together though, she is really cool and somewhat flirty like always, yet her eyes are so confusing. She doesn't look at me all the time, but sometimes I can see her glance at me when she knows I'm not looking at her. I have caught her looking at me a few times and whenever I do she immediately looks away. And if she knows I am looking at her, she will usually avoid looking at me. But when we are talking, we look each other deep in the eyes and smile and when we are done speaking, she will hold eye contact usually until it becomes very obvious (4-5 seconds), then she will quickly look away at various other things around the room nervously. She also seems to feel slightly uncomfortable when sitting directly next to me and seems to prefer sitting where she can see me in front of her.

It just doesn't make sense to me. She seems perfectly content hanging out with me, yet she is making it so hard for us to get together. And it seems like its been forever since we have spent a day together alone especially since we usually do that all the time. So girls can you give me your feminine expertise? Is my best friend avoiding me because the thought of me having feelings for her repulses her, makes her feel uncomfortable or freaks her out? Or is she playing hard to get to try to get me to talk to her about it? I just don't know and right now, everything seem possible. Thanks for any help!

[jrose]

Well, as much as I'd like to give you a definite answer, there doesn't seem to be one in all the information there. I see a few possibilities here:

1) Your mutual friend hasn't actually told her you like her and something else entirely is going on with her. Now, only you know her so you'll have to decide if it would be like her to pull away from your alone time if she was upset about something in her life.

2) Your friend did tell her and she isn't sure how she feels about it so that's why she's sending all the mixed signals- not calling you because she doesn't want to seem as if she DOES like you when she might not but then when you're together she keeps looking at you trying to figure out how she feels about you.

3)She knows you like her but doesn't feel the same way and has pulled away from calling you and hanging out alone with you not because it makes her uncomfortable necessarily but because she wants to subtly convey she only wants to be friends and also because she doesn't want to keep leading you on toward the inevitable rejection she'll have to give if you say anything.

4)She's pretty sure you like her and likes you back but is a little freaked out by it because of your close friendship. You're already a big part of her life- what if you guys date, get even closer and then break-up? That would be awful- she'd lose a boyfriend and a best friend! So she's running scared, avoiding you even though she likes you, but she can't help looking at you when you're together.

Ok, so how in the world do you figure out which of these possibilities it is? Test the waters a little bit- do some things that are more boyfriendish than guy friendish- again I don't know how affectionate you are, so you have to decide what would be subtly crossing the barrier and what would be too far. When you hug her, hold her for just a second longer than normal, find an excuse to touch her face or hair (lint, fuzzy, eye lash etc.), play with her hair, grab her hand for a second. If she pulls away or gets awkward after you do any of these, I'd say she just wants friendship, if she doesn't pull away, you've got a shot, and if she reciprocates then you're probably in. Good luck!

[mishica]

It is not girl opinion but I hope it will help. I think you should meet with her and tell her that you feel for her. She might feel same and maybe not. If you let it stay this way you will definitly loose friend and you won't get a girlfriend eather. So go meet with her and talk about it. It is possible that she doesn't feel same about you and if so she might need time and space because it will be uncomfortable for her when you are around.. And don't call her 5 times pre day. Just call her once and tell her that you have to talk with her face to face. I think there is good chance that she likes you too (form which you described) Just don't be quiet about it and pretend it never happend you will loose her if you do that..

Good Luck