I'm a good guy that needs some dating advice... How do I get a date? Does playing hard to get REALLY work?

Question

OK, being the nice guy or the good guy, I have a good head on my shoulders... Something people tell me all the time. "You're a great guy!" "You're going to make a lucky lady VERY happy one day!" I hear it a lot...

But at 19 years old, apparently girls don't like guys like me. It's just a proven fact it seems. I mostly a very chill, laid back person, I don't speak up a whole lot, act obnoxious or loud mouthed... I end up in the friend zone all too much. The only girls that end up liking me are generally unattractive or younger that me by about 2 years. Or older women, obviously not romantically, but I get much better vibes from older women, typically age 25 or older, in conversation. I get a lot of compliments from them too on looks, or that I'm attractive or whatever too.

But enough about me... I'm be pursuing girls my age, I get them to laugh, they smile at me, they look me in the eyes. Sometimes flirt, but at the end of the day, they just don't end up liking me as any more than a friend. I show them my interest, I assert myself, I come off as confident as possible, smile, whatever... But am I too available?

Idk I always thought if you were really interested in someone, you'd make time for them, but playing hard to get? Does it work? It's a pretty retarded concept if you ask me, truthfully IMO. I mean if you're GENUINELY interested, then why would you?

I mean I only have the best intentions... I'm not looking for sex on the first, second, or 99th date... I'm basically looking for a good friend is all. A good friend I can enjoy spending time with be a little extra affectionate with.

I really don't understand why its guys like me that have trouble with getting dates. A trustworthy guy, a cool guy, ya know not getting into any sort of trouble. An all-round great guy that is a good friend to all and would be a great person for anyone to associate themself with, male or female.

I'm not trying to talk myself up, but honestly, that's the kind of person I am. I mean I don't do anything or go anywhere where there's potential for anything bad to happen. And I'm a really fun person to be around if you just let me be myself. I mean I'm a people person and accept anyone, I'm a fairly religious person...

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong when I pursue a girl... Is it really playing hard to get that gets the girls going crazy, because apparently I don't have that "wow" factor. Or maybe with how I'm only looking for love, maybe I just don't have what it takes for "young love"

pssh... idk. Maybe my focus shouldn't be on dating right now, but I'd love to be able to date and get some experience with relationships, I've never had a girlfriend, because I've been pretty shy in the past, but how am I supposed to gain experience if I can't get a date? What do I need to do?

Thanks!

KellyDeAnn · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I think a lot of it has to do with our age group. Most of the people I know that are in the 18-25ish age group are still in to partying, hooking up, and not really looking for quality so much as quantity, etc...

You get hit on by 25+ more often because these are the girls that have finally grown up a bit and are ready to find a quality guy for a change instead of the bad boy.

As far as you changing your game plan when it comes to girls -- just think about this...

Think of 1 guy friend of yours that does play the game and plays it well... would you be happy with yourself still if you turned in to that guy? would you honestly be more in to a girl who would rather play games than just be honest? --if you can honestly say yes, than go for it. --there's nothing wrong with changing things up a bit. If not however, there really is no right answer as EVERY girl is completely different. If it helps though, here are some things that determine date material for me.

I prefer to date someone that I am more of friends with first. I'm more at ease around them; I know 'em better, etc... HOWEVER, if you don't ever make a move w/in a few weeks I tend to put you in the "friend" category because I figure ur not interested. --Simple things like brushing the hair out of my face, putting your hand on the swell of my back (not ass)etc... let me know you're interested and this way, if after more time hanging out we don't really vibe romantically there hasn't been an uncomfortable level reached that its awkward.

Sex: I myself am not the type of girl that hooks up. It's a big deal to me and if I haven't been with the guy for long or trust him it's not going to happen 'till then.

BAD BOY / NICE GUY THING: -Not gonna lie "bad boys" are hot because they're hard to peg and intriguing –who doesn’t like a mystery? I myself, am WAY, WAY more into a nice guy with an edge. Basically, still be a “nice guy”, but don’t be afraid to grab a hold of me sometimes and REALLY kiss me. –It’s the best of both worlds that way.

I too only date people I see potential w/. Not, I’m gonna marry ‘em potential, but the potential to fall in love with your best friend and a relationship you can truly gain something from. –Otherwise it feels like a waste of time dating someone you don’t see any future growth with.

You’ve got high standards for the guy you want to be and the girl you want to date. Nothing wrong with that, but higher standards = fewer relationships. The type of girl you want is rarer at a young age so, it’s harder to find someone who meets your criteria. I know what I’ve said probably won’t help you get more dates, but talking from what me & girl friends prefer–it’s unanimous between us all that we want a nice guy with a lil’ something extra. So, that girl you’re interested in –let her know. You’d be surprised how fast she’d see you as something more than just a friend. –Ultimately, it’s your move.

~Kelly Ann (barely 20)

KellyDeAnn · Accepted Answer

well, I can't post after my last comment so...

If it is a girl you are familiar with and more of a "friend" make sure she is available 1st of all. ...yes, this means finding out if she is "talking" to someone else (as stupid as that is)

If she's available... there are several things you could do.

EX: if you're chummy friends invite her over to watch a movie. make sure there are 2 blankets on the couch ...you don't want to let her see your intentions right away. then as the movie goes on you can kinda just slowly work your way into moving closer towards her. don't do the sleezy *yawn and put hand over shoulder thing* it's a dead give away. then if she kinda cuddles up with you and/or doesn't move over so you're not touching her... you've got a shot.

once the movie is over and she's walking towards the door give her a friendly hug goodbye (but more than a second or 2) and casually say hey, this was really fun. I always enjoy hanging with you. why don't we do it for real sometime?

You don't have to say you're a great girl, I really like you, I like you as more than just a friend, etc... she'll understand what you meant and will take you up on the offer if interested. if she does take you up on the offer... regardless of what you go do for your "date" make sure you hold her hand or something at some pt. in the evening or you've got a good chance at remaing just friends.

if you wanna know anything else... just ask.

RattlerGirl · Accepted Answer

I love shy guys. They just seem more trustworthy to me which is why I would choose one over a boisterous one. If you have any friends who are friends with girls that you are interested in then you can send little flirty messages through that friend to that girl and see how she responds. My ex did that with me before we began dating. If a girl starts talking about other guys around you and asks you for advice about them, then you have been inducted into the dreaded friend zone so my advice to you is to attempt to quickly change the subject and flirt a little before you get to that point. A problem with wanting to date girls your own age is that many of them are not mature or ready for a relationship. (those are the ones that will quickly put you in the friend zone; therefore there is no chance for you) Once you find the one that is, then you should be ok. It's going to take a lot of patience. You already know that you're going to have to go through many ugly ducklings before you get to the swan. Good luck

TheShyGuy · Accepted Answer

You and me are like twins man. I'm exactly the same way! Modest, laid back, cool, nice, not annoying, good enough looks, but yeah it just seems like guys like us don't stand out, we are missing that "wow" factor and I can't figure out why. I'm 18, senior in high school, and I have not had a girlfriend since my freshman year. When I go after a girl, they always go for the guy who just wants to get in her pants. I'm the one wanting a meaningful relationship, do girls even want that anymore?

I've tried playing hard to get, and it is stupid. Girls don't go after guys, especially if they're just above average guys like you and me. All the guys I see get the girls are selfish jerks, and don't know when to shut up, and also who are so full of themselves. It makes me sick, you have no idea. So maybe we should be total a-holes, get drunk like idiots, smoke weed all day, and that will instantly increase our chances with girls, right? But that is just not us, you know ha.

Funny thing is I'm a football player, and I'm supposed to be in that sort of stereotype that a lot of my friends are.im supposed to be hitting up girls every weekend but I'm not. and girls complain how all guys are the same, umm hello I'm pretty sure I'm different? ha ha. Girls are so blind these days, I really do not know the best approach to take, but maybe kick it up a notch on being aggressive (not physically lol). Like just go all out to get a girl, I feel like a lot of times I did not try hard enough and could have done more, and I should have been more aggressive.

From what I have concluded, the dating game is a war out there. Every man for themselves. I have seen friends make their own friends look like sh*t just so they can get the upper hand with a girl. It is nasty out there, and as a football player, I should have known better. I really want a girlfriend for my last year of hs. I do not want to go to Prom with a friend again. I guess we got to go balls to walls, in order to get the girl, Carpe Diem.

Anonymous · Answer

Playing hard to get doesn't work, I've asked my mommy and she is a girl for at least 14 years now, so she's kinda a expert.

I'm a good guy that needs some dating advice... How do I get a date? Does playing hard to get REALLY work?

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