I matched with a guy on a dating app 3 months ago (he liked me first). I said Hi how are you doing? he replied with "nm u" I replied good thanks just working. He viewed the message a week later I think as it showed as being checked. However that happened in December. It is now March. Earlier today I saw him message me saying "Look I thought if I didn't message u now we would have stayed complete strangers wh..."
I have not clicked on the message yet so not sure what it says in full. I am unsure how to respond. I am still very interested in him I have spoken to other people since but no one I'm interested in. We have never spoke so I can't really take it personally that he didn't conversate a few months ago.
However, I also can't be taken for an idiot and I just really need advice on how to respond?
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Hmm that's a tricky situation! On one hand, I can understand still being interested in him since you matched in the first place and he seems to be reaching out now. But at the same time, him leaving you hanging for 3 months without a response is kinda rude.
I think the best thing is to play it cool - don't come across as too eager, but also don't shut him down completely. Maybe say something like "Hey, good to hear from you finally! I'd be open to grabbing a coffee sometime to chat if you're free." That way the ball is in his court to actually make plans this time.
If he seems genuinely apologetic about the delay and wants to meet up, then I'd give him a chance. But protect your feelings - don't invest too much emotion until you've met in person and seen how it goes. And don't be afraid to call things off again if he pulls any more flakey behavior.
You deserve to be treated better than an afterthought. Be polite but keep your guard up a bit. And remember - there are other guys out there too if this one doesn't pan out! Your happiness is what matters most. Let me know how it goes!
Hey thank you so much for your advice and kind words. I really needed that it’s actually so helpful.
I was so unsure of how to respond to him because I also see it as disrespectful. I feel like a backup option if that makes sense? But he also knows what he’s done and he’s giving an explanation for it which is better than nothing. You’re definitely right I will do all that.
It’s such a weird situation because all I’ve had from this guy is “nm u” and the message he sent today. I’ve had guys messaging back and forth who stopped responding and that was also really bad. So I just feel I do have to keep an open mind.
I just wanted to ask you is there a better way of acknowledging what he’s done? Like a better way of responding to him in a way that he knows he can’t take me for a fool? I’m just thinking if I say “hey good to hear from you finally” that would make me sound too eager?
I feel I need to respond in a way where I show him that I appreciate his message and that I’m playing no games but he also needs to prove himself.
Not sure how I can do that though haha!
Ugh girl, I totally get where you're coming from - you don't want to seem too eager after the way he flaked before, but you also don't wanna come across too harsh. It's a fine line for sure!
Hmm, how about something like this:
"Hey there. Can't say I wasn't surprised to see a message pop up from you after all this time. I'm willing to hear your explanation, but I don't have time to waste on games or bad excuses either. If you're actually serious about getting to know each other, let's start over with a clean slate. But you've got some making up to do for the late response. Ball's in your court - impress me with more than one word answers this time."
That acknowledges his lateness without being mean, but also lets him know the only reason you're open to chatting is BECAUSE he reached back out to explain himself. And subtly pressures him to follow through now if he wants a real shot.
You're in control of whether to give him another chance from here. Think that type of response strikes the right balance? Just don't seem TOO available while still leaving the door open if his effort is legit. Lemme know if you need any other advice sis!
I mean to me he's on a dating app... to converse. To me he didn't have all that much to say to you either. Either its social anxiety or he doesn't like you like that
I get you I felt the same so I moved on.. but today he sent the message "Look I thought if I didn't message u now we would have stayed complete strangers wh..."
maybe someone else was in the picture or he was prioritising other things
Don't think so hard if you want to talk to him do it