Any advice on this situation?

[Anonymous]

Alright so this whole scenario came to be because when I was 16, I'd merely glanced over at this guy (20m) for a couple of seconds from across the room. He because too caught up with what I did, and when he saw me a few months later, he began continuously staring at me from afar. The next time I saw him was a year later. He froze in his tracks (shocked) when he saw me for the first time after a year. He then began standing directly behind my chair to the point where I couldn't pull my chair back and kept staring from afar. At the time, I became interested in him, but soon dropped it as he wouldn't approach me and wouldn't reply even when I tried talking.

However, it didn't stop. During events, he'd hide behind a wall or door and stare from a distance. Over time, his staring from afar became prolonged to the point where he began watching me from afar. Sometimes he kept leaning over to watch me even when I turn the corner to avoid him. Long story short, I only see him occasionally but this whole thing continued for almost 7 years before I finally realised that this was stalkerish behaviour. I felt nauseous, angry, weak and I started breaking down. I decided to avoid him, and would purposely not attend events because I can't with this, I feel trapped by this.

What is wrong with him? What is causing this in him? I've spoken to several people (I have a lot of mutual friends with him) but he only does this to me.

[LikeALog]

I think he is displaying stalker tendencies. Not saying he is one, but you described a few characteristics of a stalker.
Since you have some common friends and already asked them about him, you might want to learn a little more about him. Is he shy? Does he relate with girls (is he at ease talking to girls)? Does he have good social skills or is uncomfortable around people?

[Asker]

That's an interesting question. Apparently he does talk to other girls, but in a friendly manner- a lot of people have said that he doesn't seem to be interested in girls whatsoever.
A few even mentioned that he doesn't even like female celebrities! He avoids conversations on celebrity crushes and doesn't like talking about it. Even when people ask him if he's single, he doesn't like responding to it. It's like he is trying to show that he's not interested in things like that at all.

So they were surprised and didn't believe it when I said he was doing the whole staring afar thing to me.

He seems to be extremely unapproachable and introverted when it comes to flirting and things like that, however in the usual sense (or when he's just joking around with friends) he is quite the opposite.

I told a friend and she literally held her chest in disbelief when I said it was him. She was like- omg that guy is nothing like that, I need a minute to process this!

[Anonymous]

If you have mutual friends, have they ever talked to him about it? Might be a way to find out something. Sounds like he's just extremely shy? Some people have trouble in social situations as well, maybe that's something to? I'm only guessing. Usually when guys stare, it's because they like you and trying to gauge interest back, and/or too shy to approach/talk. This is assuming he's not a true stalker in the making lol.

[Asker]

I was initially thinking the same- but he's 27, (I'm 23) isn't this too old? And he'd still stand afar and watching me continuously for a couple of minutes straight. I tried talking to him multiple times, but to no avail, and he doesn't stop this either and he always stares at me from a distance, he sometimes- it's been almost 7 years.
I just want to be left alone now.

[Asker]

Ahh sorry.. just forget my previous response. What I was trying to say was he's 27 and I'm 23, so wouldn't u say it's too old? He's been doing this for almost 7 years now. Initially it wasn't that bad at all, he'd only stare from afar for a few seconds, he'd get all excited when he saw me and everything, but as I said even when I tried talking to him multiple times, it was to no avail. If he was shy, I understand if he cannot speak with me, but he can at least respond when I try talking right?

So I kinda just ignored the whole thing. As I said he always stares at me from afar so I can't yell out to him and tell him off then and there. Anyway, I kinda got used to this and kinda just let it be.

But very recently he started doing this for a couple of minutes straight, (which is a very long time to continuously watch someone) and it just feels like I have no privacy, like I can't escape his gaze. For the first few seconds I thought he'd stop, but no. It went on for like 2 minutes continuously. That's when I felt like throwing up, I hid behind something for a few seconds to avoid him, but even when I stepped out thinking it was clear, he was still standing there at a distance, waiting for me to come out of my hiding spot so he could stare at me. I'm guessing it was like 2-3 minutes straight and I don't even know how he did it. That's when I started breaking down. I really just want to be left alone now, so now if it's a party hosted by one of our mutual friends, I just avoid it.

I don't understand, why has doing it either. If you like someone, wouldn't you only stare at them a few seconds? - so isn't this alittle too much for that?

Also his friends say that he seems as though he isn't even interested in girls, he doesn't even talk about celebrity crushes and just avoids the topic like he's not interested. So they were surprised he's dying the whole staring at me from afar thing.

[one1wild00]

Sounds like he may need help.