My girlfriend gets jealous when I hang with my friends. Any advice?

[toolt00l]

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost three months right now. I've never felt this way about a girl before (I could see her being marriage material someday) and I have grown very attached. She feels the same way. We hang out pretty much everyday between work and school and can't get enough of each other.

Don't get me wrong, I love being with her this much. I think its because we share a special connection that I haven't really felt with anyone else. But I still need to make time for friends.

I told her how I made plans to hang out with a friend tomorrow night. She got jealous and stopped talking to me and went to bed. It put me in a very uncomfortable situation..

Yes, Its annoying, however I'm glad she gets jealous. It shows she cares about me and I would get jealous of her too. However, I don't think she handles it appropriately by getting mad at me/ignoring me/ giving me short answers/ etc.

How can I handle these situations? I think I might just have a talk with her about it but I guess I just don't know how I can make her not feel this way.

[Mallecroft]

a lot of my friends had this same exact problem when I was younger. At the time it annoyed me to hear about it, because I hadn't ever had a real girlfriend before but I wanted one badly. So I was thinking to myself, "screw you a**holes, if I had a girl who actually wanted me to pay attention to her and was pining for my company I wouldn't be sitting here listening to you stupid schmucks."

Eventually I was able to see it from their perspective, though. It's important to have buddies and a girl shouldn't be trying to separate you from them whether she's conscious of it or not, unless you really are neglecting her badly. You obviously need to be able to hang out with your friends sometimes, and she needs to be able to see the truth in this.

I'm honestly not sure if there's some tactful way of getting her to accept this, so I'd just sit down and have a straight forward talk about it with her and try to get her to see the reality of it. She's gonna have to realize that guys need to hang out with buddies from time to time and it doesn't mean you don't love and need her too. You just need some time with your buddies as well, simple as that.

I wish you luck. Two of my friends ended up breaking up with their girlfriends over this exact issue. The girls just wouldn't give up on it and the guys eventually had to cut themselves loose. One of the girls eventually ended up getting back together with her guy, but she's a lot more mellow now. The other couple never were able to reconcile, but I think they had a lot more problems than just this issue.

[Belgie]

You can't let her jealousy dictate your behavior, or she'll just use it time and time again.

You have to tell her that her jealousy is her problem, and your friends are your friends.

you have to wean her from her jealousy. And the first step in doing that, is making sure that her jealousy is not useful to her in any way. It *cannot* influence your behavior .

[toolt00l]

that is an amazing answer haha. I hate how she acts when I try to hang with friends. If I begin showing her that it doesn't work then I'm sure she'll quit with the mind games eventually

[Belgie]

She may not. Her jealousy may be so rooted inside her that she decides she can't date you anymore.

But you can't be afraid of that outcome. A girl who tries to control who you see through jealousy, is really really not worth spending time with.

[toolt00l]

well I wouldn't go that far. I know her well enough to know that It won't affect our relationship. I get jealous of her too. I just don't use the mind games like she does. I think its something she needs to work on because she admits to acting "jealous and stupid" whenever this happens and turns into an argument. She admitted that to me tonight when we were arguing but still went to bed upset and all cold with me.. I think she just needs to work on it

[thanksbutno]

This is going to sound pretty typical, but you should sit her down and tell her how you feel about the situation. Girls can be sensitive and when they act like your girlfriend is, it is usually because they have some insecurities. She is probably doubting that you enjoy the time with her as much as you do with your friends, so she is reaching out to you in a way that is confusing for many guys to understand. Tell her how much she means to you and explain that you need to be there for your friends sometimes too. Just don't accuse her of anything - approach the situation in a way that shows you care. Strong, healthy relationships are built on communication, so work this one out together.

[toolt00l]

Good call. We are typically very good at communicating with each other through talks like this. But I haven't brought up this situation yet. You're right, It would be a good idea to sit and talk about this too just like any other problems. Thanks for the help!

[definitelyNotHer]

So currently you're in the honeymoon stage. You both want to be with eachother all the time and I think for girl (or for me at least) those feelings hit a little harder. Maybe give it some time like past the 4 month mark when the honeymoon stage is normally over and see how she is acting then. If it's still the same behavior and attitude definitely have a talk with her. Let her know you care for her and love her (if you both have said that) but sometimes you need time with your friends and that it's nothing against her you just need "time with the guys".

[razelove]

I'd recommend pushing and pulling her like taffy until she's more flexible. The first thing to come to my mind is she may be jealous because she doesn't have friends (or has coworkers/acquaintances she calls friends). My wife would be jealous of me spending time with my friends as she did not have any friends besides me. I couldn't stop loving her, or feel guilty because she never wanted to make friends. It isn't a me problem.

[Sleeper07]

I don't know, how would you feel if she went out with her friends and left you behind?

If you're not okay with it, then you should treat her the way you want to be treated.