I need dating advice?

[Sarahdelacruz]

Any advice for a 27 year old living in a big city alone. I tried dating apps but we all know they suck. So I want to put myself out there & need some tips & advice. I’ve been single all my life and don’t wanna continue being single forever so I must do something about it. I am an introvert, don’t know anyone in this new city, always in the house. So obviously I need to go out but I would like to know where is the best places go go and what days of the week or times. How do I respond to men who show me attention? I am not a 100% introvert. I’d say im an ambivert. I only talk when im really comfortable. Im a virgin so I do get nervous about dating because I don’t know when is the right time to share that information. I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I usually get attention from guys both online and in person but I want a guy with good intentions not someone who is looking to just have sex with me. What are some things I should know before putting myself out there and how exactly should I do it? All advice is appreciated.

[Sunssong]

@Sarahdelacruz Can you answer these questions:

• Do you wish to be kind to all others unconditionally?
• Do you wish to be courteous to all others unconditionally?
• Do you love and want romance?
• Do you want a career that significantly takes away from your freedom?
• What height would you accept for a husband/boyfriend?
• What body type would you accept for a husband/boyfriend?
• Would amount of income would you accept in a husband/boyfriend?
• Would you stay with him if he lost his millions?
• Do you want kids (how many)?
• Are you very open minded?
• Are you glued to a culture?
• Do you have a lot of friends and family?
• Are you willing to change bad habits?
• How would you like your husband/boyfriend to look?
• What are your interests?
• On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you want a husband/boyfriend?

My philosophy on relationships is simple. You create a vision of the relationship you want and then you become a match to that vision. The vision is the leader.
When looking for a man you ask yourself what man would be a match for that vision or what man would grow into that man. Who we are is habits and traits. That is it. What habits and traits do you need for your vision?

Once you get your guy you both sit down and write a joint vision. The joint vision is the leader. There can only be one leader. The leader creates order. It is your job to fit in with the leader. A part of all joint visions should be harmony between the two people dating. What traits and habits do you need to pull that off? Harmony doesn't mean you always agree on small things but you always treat each other right.

The philosophy is that simple. You have bi weekly meetings and go over what, in terms of the vision, is going well and what needs touching on. Problems or concerns can be bought up in the meeting too.

The philosophy is simple but requires an understanding of the mind and you must know what you want. This philosophy in my opinion is the best way for a relationship to last and be fulfilling. Without it you're shooting in the dark.

[Sarahdelacruz]

This is a lot to take in but thank you. Has this method worked out for you in your dating life?

[Sarahdelacruz]

I already created a list of what I want in a husband. But I think it’s impossible for me to meet someone if I don’t leave my house or have any friends or a social life. I think getting friends and a social life may be the stepping stone.

[Sunssong]

I see you want advice for where you are at. I have put off being in a relationship. In fact, you sound like me. Only recently have I been thinking about maybe I should start now. Because I was so focused on money and freedom lifestyle. But yeah the philosophy works. It's as old as time. You have to be a match for what you want. If you want to be a doctor you have to go to school and if you don't then you cannot be a doctor at least in the states. If you want an A in class you have to be a match for it. You have to do the things that get you an A. That's the philosophy and I think it is everyones philosophy. Most people just unconscious live by it and I think it's better to consciously live by it especially in relationships. People often have 2 unconscious visions that battle for dominance. When you have a joint vision you just submit to it and get in line because you know if you don't then you aren't going to have what you want for long. And the vision is what u both want anyway. I'm actually going to take pictures tomorrow for dating sites. So I understand you probably more than a lot of people. I'm a virgin but I have had women try to use me for sex. I say that to imply I'm not unattractive. I've even talked to someone who was like a perfect match for me except one thing but her timeline and mine were just not on the same page. I helped her get a boyfriend though and she was a virgin with no experience.

But if you want advice for where you are at I'd say work on being a match for the man you want... And keep asking people how to make friends and where to meet people. Somebody will give a good answer sooner or later. Just start trying things. That's the best you got right now no? Technically social circle is the best way to meet people at least for guys. Girls probably could do cold approach without much skill. But that takes a lot of mental strength for girls because it is against the social norms. You can also use family. They know people and have friends.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Wow I feel like I’m talking to the male version of myself lol. Based on what you have said we have a lot in common it’s mind blowing. I also never really cared for dating because I wanted to create a life for myself that was freedom and wealth. My goal was always making money and having that lifestyle of freedom so dating wasn’t a priority. But thanks so much for your advice. I’ll make the changes and in no time I’ll start dating and hopefully meet the perfect guy for me. I know he’s out there somewhere.

[Sarahdelacruz]

* Do you wish to be kind to all others unconditionally? Yes
* Do you wish to be courteous to all others unconditionally? Yes
* Do you love and want romance? Yes
* Do you want a career that significantly takes away from your freedom? No
* What height would you accept for a husband/boyfriend? 6’3-6’6
* What body type would you accept for a husband/boyfriend? Fit
* Would amount of income would you accept in a husband/boyfriend? Multimillionaire
* Would you stay with him if he lost his millions? Depends
* Do you want kids (how many)? 2-3
* Are you very open minded? Yes
* Are you glued to a culture? No
* Do you have a lot of friends and family? Friends no, family yes
* Are you willing to change bad habits? Absolutely
* How would you like your husband/boyfriend to look? Handsome
* What are your interests? A whole lot
* On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you want a husband/boyfriend? Tough question. But I’d say boyfriend 10 husband not too sure yet. It’s like I want to just test it out and see what it’s like being in a committed relationship. It’s something I haven’t personally experienced. So yes I say all the time that I want a husband because of course I want to get married someday but I’m not sure how bad I want it until I am actually emotionally invested in a romantic relationship with someone I genuinely love and want to be with. I feel like once I find that person that is for me I’ll be able to know if I’m 100% ready to commit to a life partnership which is marriage but until then that’s a tough question.

[Lynx122]

I don't think this can be summed up in an answer on gag you need to gain experience with being social and be able to say no and protect yourself when it's needed and also just have a good feel for people reading the room know what people want if they have good intentions or not etc. There's a lot of factors.

[Adaeva]

Virginity is very desirable for teens and girls in their very early twenties. However, there is nothing attractive about a 27-year-old virgin. It implies something is wrong but I am not qualified to say what that is or how you can fix the problem. Likely the problem is minor or you are very religious.

However, I can advise you on the other. Most young women including a majority of women up to and even a bit past your age, want the best that will date them. However, they are the guys that date down for sex or expecting sex but they don't marry down. Not that it never happens but it is unrealistic to expect it to happen. Like most women up to and a little past your age, you continue to seek guys out of your league that will not marry you and reject men within your league that want to marry you.

These guys are not hard to find. You recognize them right off. If they think they are doing well, they want to marry you. However, if you think you are doing well, they will f**k you but they will not marry you. Until and unless you are willing to accept a guy who believes he is doing well, you will not get married.

[Sarahdelacruz]

I’m sorry but you really aren’t making any sense. I tried understanding but this is just a whole lot of nothing you’re rambling about.

[Adaeva]

I am certain you understand. However, like many, if not most, women, you have unrealistic expectations and/or requirements and you are not going to listen to suggestions that the quality of guys you want may be out of your reach. Therefore, it is not unlikely that either, you will remain single always seeking more than a women with your desirability can have, or else, at some point in time, when you are feeling especially low, you will grab whoever is available at that time and less than who you deserve.

[Sarahdelacruz]

You make no sense

[Sarahdelacruz]

If you’re really 14 then I understand why you make no sense.

[Adaeva]

I am smarter than most adults. They don't know much, and apparently, that includes you.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Oh I’m so happy to hear that 😂😂

[Anonymous]

Well, living in the city is a good start— higher population, higher chances of meeting someone! If you want to avoid men that are only interested in sex, it may be a good idea to avoid places like bars and clubs. You can hang out in coffee shops, the library, museums—places that are more quiet and less stressful for us introverts lol. You can see if there’s any place looking for volunteers, or check out meetup. com and see if they have any events in your area you may be interested in.

Just out of curiosity, which dating apps did you use?

[Sarahdelacruz]

Thank you for the advice. And I have tried religious dating apps, tinder & bumble lol

I just need to figure out where would I wanna meet a potential husband. I don’t wanna go somewhere I personally wouldn’t enjoy. I wanna meet someone I’m compatible with & share similar interests. I don’t like coffee lol so going to a coffee shop might not be a great idea for me but I wouldn’t mind meeting someone there. It’ll just be awkward for me to sit there not drinking any coffee lol. Like I overthink a lot. Imagine a guy asking me what kinda coffee I like or offer to buy me coffee lol. I’m also not big on museums unless I’m traveling. I don’t think I would wanna meet my man at a library lol. But thank you for the advice. It really does have me thinking now where exactly would I wanna meet a potential partner.

[Avicenna]

You need to be very careful who you date

[Sarahdelacruz]

That’s very vague. Please elaborate

[Avicenna]

Due t o your lack of experience and many guys just being interested in sex

[Sarahdelacruz]

Still vague.

[Billlewis]

If I could only give you one piece of advice, it would be for you to demonstrate that you're very confident about your attractiveness and that you expect to be treated very, very well by any guy who's fortunate enough to date you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm having the same problem, I can't find an atheist woman who likes video games, making art, studying science and nature, and watches sci-fi, fantasy, and anime/cartoons.

[Sarahdelacruz]

All I can say is good luck. That seems like a lot but I’m sure someone’s out there for you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Its honestly something I find often, she's just always either taken, too young, or on the other side of the planet.. so it feels like never finding one.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Oh maybe you should relocate then.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Everyone says I should move to Japan because 90% of my dating options are in tokyo/akihabara and it caters to every hobby I have..

I don't wanna have to learn a new language and deal with immigration and all that crap though, plus if deportation seperated me from a wife I'd die from stress 😕

[Sarahdelacruz]

You’re just overthinking. What if your wife really is in Japan and you’re letting your negative thoughts get in the way of that?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Uuuugh dont say that 😩 I'm already frustrated enough as it is x_x

There are a ton of perfect mental matches in japan according to most dating apps I've tried, and most of them were gorgeous, but there has to be at least one in the US.. right? 😕

[slatyb]

Dating apps worked well for me. i met a long-term partner that eventually didn't work out, then I met my wife.

[Anonymous]

I've done it All, Online and Offline. Start by finding friends to go to nice bars in your areas.

[Sarahdelacruz]

I agree with finding friends part. I think I’ll prioritize that instead of trying to find guys on my own.

[Celticwolf78]

Time to get away from the city

[Sarahdelacruz]

Vague

[Celticwolf78]

To crowded and congested I'm a country boy grew up around horses and cattle

[Sarahdelacruz]

What does you being a country boy have anything to do with my situation?

[Celticwolf78]

Because you can find a lot of single guys from the country

[Sarahdelacruz]

Well, I was born and raised in the city. I don’t really think I would be compatible with someone that was born and raised in the country. I believe we have two different outlooks on life and different views, so I’m not sure what the compatibility is going to be like. I want to be with a man that Has more similarities with me than differences.

[Celticwolf78]

Going to be harder to find that in the city because they are stuck on themselves