Dating advice please?

[Anonymous]

Ok guys. I started having a crush on a guy from my office, so one day I approached him and started to openly flirt with him. Then I pulled back for a few days to see if he responded, and he started texting me and showing interest sometimes.

One day we went to a party with some friends and he was all the night with me, being super nice and talking to me, showing a lot of interest. When I got home he texted me and I didn’t respond to his text (I have adhd and I forget to reply many times, I didn’t do it on purpose so please don’t give me the speech that I am a bad person).

Then a few days later I run into him and I tried to talk to him but he was cold, like a completely different person, ignoring me. The next days I was shocked about his sudden change, I assumed it’s because I didn’t answer to his message (but still his response was too strong if that was the case).

Since then he never texted me again. I didn’t text him either but I started to approach him at work, showing interest and being nice, and I have the feeling that he is giving me the “hot and cold” treatment. Sometimes he responds very nice and friendly and even a bit nervous, but other times he is super cold and doesn’t even look at me.

The last few weeks we have been like this: when I am nice to him and show interest he ignores me and acts cold, but when I get tired and act uninterested, he suddenly starts trying to get my attention and talking to me all the time. Last week I was going out with friends and we casually run into each other at a bar. He stayed with me for several hours but acted uninterested and kinda bored and then he left home quite early.

This situation is damaging my well being, so I decided to move on with my life. I am considering opening a tinder account to meet other people to maintain my sanity, but I am afraid he will know I am meeting other guys and he will loose complete interest in me, because I live in a small city and he could see me with other guy. Is this a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

Basically you’re afraid of losing him completely. My advice: stop being so scared. You can’t lose what isn’t yours and there’s nothing between you guys to lose anyway except for a bit of flirting, and even that has diminished to nearly nothing as of now. Maybe this is for the better, I mean he is your coworker and you don’t want to make your interactions any more awkward than they’re already becoming.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Then let him lose interest. He doesn't own you. You are not even in a relationship. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[noohair]

Guys have an ego as fragile as an egg. That one text that you did not respond to is the point as I see it. That should have been addressed much sooner. Tinder is not a good idea in my view. Also, why would you care if he saw you dating? You are not engaged are you? There are other issues but I don’t have the time to write a novel.

[Asker]

Interesting, I didn’t think that would be such a big deal. Is there something I can do so he sees I am still interested without coming too strong? Thanks for your answer!

[noohair]

He might have secrets that are affecting him that you don't know about. Just do regular things and don't invest in him. Office romance is never a good idea for men, and probably is not good for you either at this time. Good Luck.

[Asker]

Thanks! What makes you believe that he has some secrets? That is a good advice, I already stopped investing in him a few weeks ago.

[noohair]

Everyone has secrets.

[Asker]

Sure. I am considering at least telling him that I am sorry for not answering his text that time, and that I actually had a very good time. I think that would make me feel much better. Maybe the problem is not that I want him back, but that I just feel so bad for behaving so immature 🤔

By the way, thanks for reading all this haha, you most likely not care about all this lol

[noohair]

When people have genuine questions I am happy to contribute. Good luck.

[In_Trance]

Don't try to fuck your coworkers. It never works out the way you hope it will

[Asker]

Yeah you are probably so right about this 😂

[Pohjolan]

He tried, it didn't work and has moved on.

[Asker]

Thanks! Is there something I can do so he sees I am still interested without coming too strong? Because I actually did not reject him, it was just his own interpretation of the situation

[Pohjolan]

"Is there something I can do so he sees I am still interested without coming too strong?"
Too strong? Just don't do something that could get you in trouble for sexual harassment.
"Because I actually did not reject him, it was just his own interpretation of the situation"
Technically not but would you interpret someone not responding to your message any differently?

[Asker]

😂 thanks! Well technically I did not completely ghost him. I actually responded to his message and told him I arrived home safely and these things. Then he texted me a second message and then I didn’t respond because I forgot. I suck at texting and I often forget to respond my friends or even respond like two weeks later and no one cares.