Women, if you caught your friend cheating on her boyfriend would you tell him?

[Anonymous]

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1 y

So, out of 6 women, only one would tell Man, it is kind of depressing. I think one of many reasons why men and women relations are constantly going downhill today. People are just not decent

Updates

1 y

I guess it goes to show, to the guys, to not only choose your women very carefully but also take a look at her friends. They may not be good role models or influences on her... Stay safe out there

[EllaNella]

I would. There was one time i didn't. He had assaulted me years prior and i never even got an excuse for it. It was my way of getting even. Not exactly the high road but in that case i don't care.
Apart from that i have always told friends when i found out their partner was cheating

[Asker]

How about if you aren't too familiar with the boyfriend of one of your friends?

Meaning, he's nice and all but you haven't spent a lot of time hanging out.

You'd still tell him his girlfriend, your friend, is being unfaithful?

[EllaNella]

if i had his contact info i would
i'd give her the opportunity to do it first but if she didn't act i would do it myself. everyone deserves to be treated with respect

[Asker]

I definitely agree.

If any of my guy friends cheated, I would definitely tell the girlfriend.

Then after, I wouldn't be friends with this person. I just can't.

I don't have to have a million friends

And certain don't have to have friends who do things such as this.

It's the right thing to do and peaceful thing.

[musicbrain5]

I would first talk to her about it, instead of going behind her back.

[Asker]

Talk about what specifically?

[musicbrain5]

Probably about what I saw or or heard about what she was doing. Maybe try to learn why she was doing this? I really can’t exactly say how I would approach the situation, as I’ve never been in this scenario myself. All I know is that I would not go behind their back.

[Asker]

Why wouldn't you go behind her back?

Does this have a limit? Or line?

[Asker]

Also doesn't it seem cruel to let a man go years of his life being with someone who he would've left if he found out she cheated?

He can't get those wasted years back

Over loyalty? To a cheating friend?

You really have to explain this to me

[musicbrain5]

Because I’m not that kind of person, and I really don’t want to go around putting out other people’s fires. I would hope that she fesses up to him on her own like a grown ass adult. But if that doesn’t happen, I would eventually tell the guy and then she can deal with the fallout of lying to him. I’ve been the mediator before when my former best friend was in a relationship with my brother, it was absolutely exhausting, and everything ended really badly.

[musicbrain5]

I would not continue to be friends with someone who demonstrates that they are a shitty person.

[Asker]

Yes, I think you should always give her some time and ability to confess herself.

But if you know she cheated, I do think it's the right thing to do to tell the other person.

Also, I think it is also helpful to her

I don't think continuing to cover up for a cheating friend is really doing them a service in the long run as a decent human being.

Most importantly, it'd not YOUR fault she cheated, so if you tell the boyfriend or husband, no matter what falls back on you, it's never your fault and you know that.

Even the husband or boyfriend will appreciate you more

The friend might not but that's to he expected

Do you think a thief or serial killer wants to be revealed or exposed? Lol of course not

But again, nothing is on you.

You just did the selfless, moral, and right thing for nearly all parties.

If she's a good or decent person, she'll improve herself and perhaps you can help her if she's not too mad at you.

This is the right way

[BlueScorpio]

I would confront her on the issue and ask her why she's doing that. I would tell her, as a friend that she needs to out herself in her bfs shoes and ask how she would feel if it was the other way around. Hopefully that would knock some sense into her but I know I can't control a adult. As for the boyfriend, probably if I knew him well enough otherwise I'd we didn't have close encounter then probably not. I don't know I know that's my friend, but sitting back and seeing your friend do wrong to someone else says a lot about you and their character.

[BlueScorpio]

And I know for fact a lot girls would be highly upset with their friend if they found out their friend knew their boyfriend/husband was cheating on them and didn't say anything. They consider that not having a friends back so I think it would be weird to want your friends to have your back when cheating.

[Asker]

So, if you were more friends with the boyfriend you are more inclined to tell

But if not, you wouldn't?

I don't know that's kind of weird.

You have a reasoning behind that?

[Rosexøxø]

I'm not anyone's parent.

They didn't consult me when they asked each other out, so why should I be consulted or consult them about the one who's "not playing by the rules."

I only would if I thought he actually cared/loved her/ was genuine.

Nice PEOPLE deserve an extra hand at times. They take priority. Also, broken people need attention, so I'd definitely see what "was up" with my friend. I can tell you right now, I wouldn't befriend coward/immature cheaters.

[Asker]

Wouldn't you assume if he was with her that he cared?

[Rosexøxø]

If the joker is seen with batman does that mean he cares? come onnnn lol

Nice inquisition though.

[Asker]

I mean, in a relationship.

You'd assume they care for one another at least.

The batman and joker one was so bad and not at all relatable.

[Rosexøxø]

your opinion. Be free little birdie lol be free

*releases doves*

[dustybiker]

Depends. It wouldn’t be that cut and dry. Needs more details

Ironically my neighbor just came home. She tells her family she’s at the gym after work… for three hours. It’s exercise alright.

The rest of the street knows she’s at one of five fav mens homes screwing them. She was silently called out by a neighbor (cop who came home at same time) when bringing them into her own bed each night (going on for years), while her man is out working the night shift. So she started going to them.

I don’t like either of them. Would only tell him if it benefited me at this point.

[Asker]

How about the person being cheated on was a woman? Same thing?

[dustybiker]

Same thing. They are miserable people and deserve each other.

[Dinklex3]

Nope.

SHE'S my friend, NOT her boyfriend.

I have a friend doing that right now actually.

All I do is encourage her to break up with him. In the end, she's an adult and will do whatever she wants. All I'll do is be there for her.

My best friend cheated on his girlfriend as well and I didn't nor did i have any intention of telling. I have no obligation to that person. That's another reason why i make it a point to not become friends with my friend's partners.

I honestly think it's pretty shitty to do that to someone you call a "friend". But i take friendship pretty seriously.

The first friend who is actually cheating TOLD on her other guy best friend when he cheated on his girlfriend a couple years ago because she "didn't think it was right" even though I told her it'd be a fucked up thing to do. And now? She's cheating, lol.

[Asker]

You're a shitty person it seems.

[Dinklex3]

I'm a great person and an amazing friend 🙂

[Asker]

I mean, evidence above to the contrary...

[Dinklex3]

Yeah? How so?

[Asker]

I mean, to me it seems like the right thing to do would be to tell other person that they've been cheated on so they don't live years of their lives in lie.

That's if they even find out.

It seems cruel and selfish to do that over keeping a friendship in tact towards a woman who would cheat

Would you even want to be friends with someone who cheated? Let alone find it worthwhile to be loyal to a friend cheater?

I get it, if your friend stole to make ends meet for her dying grandmother or starving children, you should not rat her out, rather, help or talk to her.
See what you both can do
I don't think telling the police she's stole is the right answer

And I think being loyal to your friend, in this case, is infinitely more noble.

Why are you being loyal to a cheater?

Friendship is important
But sometimes doing what is right and being a good human is more important

[Dinklex3]

The "right" thing to do. Completely subjective. Unless you are completely perfect and have never done anything "wrong" who are you to judge your friend?

It's "cruel and selfish" to 1. Cheat. 2. Go behind someone who you call a "friend"s back.
Question.
Confidentiality is part of our job.
If a pt confides in me and tells me they are cheating on their girlfriend and I don't tell their girlfriend due to confidentiality.
Am I still a shitty person?
If a friend confides in me and tells me they cheated on their girlfriend and i don't tell the girlfriend. I am?
What's the difference? It's your job as a friend to be there for them, be someone they confide in, and tell them how it is. NOT judge them and spill their secrets.
"Why would I stop being friends with someone for cheating on the partner?"
There are more to people than their relationships. You can be an amazing friend and a shit partner. Just like you can be a shit husband, but an amazing parent.
I see patients all that time that struggle with committment issues and try to better themselves. Are they shit people? No. These same people put in their 100% at work, give all their money to struggling parents, remember every single friend's birthday, and do the best they can for their siblings.
We are not perfect.
All I can do is be there for my friend, listen to them, and give them my input. I'm there for them when their decisions catch up with them and they have to take responsibility for their actions. Why? Because I'm not perfect either and I have ugly inside me as well. Just like everyone else.
Cheating does not make you a bad human. Thats very narrow minded and bigoted view.
Same as claiming I'm a shitty person for keeping someone's information confidential.

[Dinklex3]

Typed on my tiny phone so do your best to ignore all errors

[Asker]

Yes, I think you should always give her some time and ability to confess herself.

But if you know she cheated, I do think it's the right thing to do to tell the other person.

Also, I think it is also helpful to her

I don't think continuing to cover up for a cheating friend is really doing them a service in the long run as a decent human being.

Most importantly, it'd not YOUR fault she cheated, so if you tell the boyfriend or husband, no matter what falls back on you, it's never your fault and you know that.

Even the husband or boyfriend will appreciate you more

The friend might not but that's to he expected

Do you think a thief or serial killer wants to be revealed or exposed? Lol of course not

But again, nothing is on you.

You just did the selfless, moral, and right thing for nearly all parties.

If she's a good or decent person, she'll improve herself and perhaps you can help her if she's not too mad at you.

This is the right way

What I typed to another user.

There's no obligation to be confidential in friendships.

Maybe not being confidential is MORE helpful to your friend in the long run.

You're willing to hurt another person just to save your friend some embarrassment for exposure and call that good friendship

Maybe get different friends?

[Dinklex3]

It is NOT your place to do what YOU THINK is "right" for all parties, especially if it does not involve you.. Its one thing to do so if it involves criminal activity. Being a serial killer and comitting a crime is not the same or comparable to cheating. You are not perfect yourself and are just cherry picking based on your personal feelings/preferences towards cheating. It's up to the people involved.
I am not "covering up". What I'm doing is not going out of my way to find and contact their partner to tell them my friend cheated.

& I disagree. I do not think it's helpful to her to go behind someone who trusts you back. What's helpful is to give your input and let them make their own decisions and let them learn from that, instead of taking their personal matters into your own hands and doing what YOU THINK is right and what makes YOU feel better about THEIR situation.
I do not care about the husband or boyfriend appreciating me. I have no relation or obligation to them. I care about my friend.
It's hypocritical to judge someone based on loyalty, but here you are as a friend, not being loyal yourself. They aren't being faithful to their partner. And you aren't being faithful and honest to your "friend".
"there's no obligation to be confidential in friendships"
Maybe in yours. And maybe that's something you should inform your friends about before establishing that friendship.
"Don't tell me anything, I'll tell others". Then they can consent if they want to be your friend or not.
That's a common issue we see today. Not having "real friends" and people you can confide in. Instead people keep shit to themselves and become untrusting, anxious, and depressed.
I'm glad that I have real, true friends and not friends like you who judge and go behind their back.
As you've stated before, I have done nothing. I did not cheat so stop saying that I hurt someone as I'm not the one who did it.
My friends are great. I don't need new ones.

[Dinklex3]

I've already addressed that, but it seems you ignored it.
Maybe try becoming a better friend who is more humble and less hypocritical and judgmental.

[Asker]

What if the boyfriend simply asked you?

Also, yes, crimes are different but it's to illustrate a point.

[Asker]

What if you're also friends with the boyfriend?

I don't get it, it just seems cruel to not tell the other person and not subjective at all.

All because you do not want to embarass your friend.

[Dinklex3]

If the boyfriend asks me
"Why would you ask me that? You know I'm their friend not yours, right? Even if they were cheating I wouldn't tell you, so just ask them"
I've said this to people before and they're pretty understanding of it.
I'm a pretty direct person.

If they're both my friend? That's only happened once. I told her to tell him because he's my friend too. She told him. End of conversation 🤷🏾‍♀️

Its cruel to be the one doing the cheating. And it's cruel and fucked up to go behind someone's back who trusts you.
Someone's emotions regarding cheating isn't as simple as "embarassment".

[Asker]

I'm not sure they were understanding of it.

It's just, in-person, a lot of people might not be their honest selves as they would with more privacy.

I just can't believe there are women like you

Hopefully the majority aren't like this and find it more reasonable to do the right thing.

I'm also not sure why you can't see what the clear right thing to do is, but you'd rather find some justifications for it.

Maybe you don't really think cheating is that bad? Or something? I don't know

[Asker]

I guess at the end of the day, I'm just imagining me in this situation. If my woman had friends, I always treat them kindly and would help them if they needed or wanted my help.

I understand them being loyal to her, but at the same time would like a hint or anonymous tip that my woman has or is cheating on me as the human thing to do and because I've only been kind and receiving of them as well.

That's all.

I think now, I really to vet her friends too or at least become good friends with them as well.
Wouldn't want them to look me in the eye and tell me everything is alright when my woman is quite literally ruining our relationship/my life.

Crappy thing people do, but oh well...

[Dinklex3]

They were very understanding of it.
Just because you wouldn't be, doesn't mean others aren't or have a problem with it.
Can't believe there are "woman like you" lmao. You contradict yourself by saying I did nothing wrong then go ahead and label me as "shitty" based on someone else's actions. You're over dramatic, entitled, and hypocritical. Your anger is misplaced.
I do not cheat. I have never cheated. And I do not advise cheating.
Im sure you have friends that have done things you didn't agree with. That doesn't mean you do them. If not, that says a lot about you.
There is no "clear right thing to do". Its what YOU THINK others should do as you can see by the comments.
I put myself in other's shoes as well. And I would not expect my significant other's friends to tell me if they are cheating. That's dumb. They're doing their duty as his friend. If they did, I'd tell him he needs new friends. I wouldn't date someone if I had suspicion they were cheating.
& I'm sure you do crappy things all the time.

[Asker]

How did I contradict myself?

How do you know they were really understanding? Do you think they would be honest about a topic like this face to face? It seems rather private or something people would be honest about with more privacy involved.

Personally, I follow what I say so if I say something is wrong to do I do not do it.

I don't know the all the actions of all of my friends, but none of my friends have ever cheated on their spouses, girlfriends, or partners that I know of. If I for sure knew, I wouldn't be friends with them.

If they would cheat on their significant other, what can I expect they'd do towards our friendship? Also, what I can I expect of them if they couldn't even be honest to tell the person they cheated on that they cheated.

[Blackcupcake]

I would tell my friend off first, and if she doesn’t listen I would make it clear to her that I am taking distance because I simply do not want to be part of something like that. she can choose to tell him herself, and we’ll be good. either way I will not tell, but I won’t be supporting that kind of decision.

[Blackcupcake]

but then again, it also depends on how close I am with the dude…

[Rania05]

In all honesty I'd rather encourage her to stop or break up with her boyfriend to not have to hide her passion about another guy but if she kept it doing so, I'd tell him privately

[misfittoy]

depends on the whole situation, in the end probably not because once you get involved saying something, they could both turn on you.

[Asker]

But why would that be a bad thing? Especially if you did what was right?

Maybe get new friends?

[misfittoy]

i been through it before. you never know the whole story or how it will play out. been there done that i told my friend and in the end they stayed, till the person actually left him for the other then he was pissed at me, after i did say something, so no thank you

[Asker]

I mean, you did the right thing

I don't think you should worry much whether you get an award from it or not.

I know, I would appreciate some heads up no matter what because I would break up automatically.

I just wouldn't want to find out years later

It would humiliating and cruel you know?

[misfittoy]

oh no they are still together, and we are no longer friends

[Asker]

Well I'm glad you aren't friends with her/them

Again, they can keep being together its their choice, but at least you did the right thing

Award or not
Pissed or not

I think one should just do what's right lol

Like, if someone smashed into your car but never left a note on who it was, you'd be mad

If they left a note, saying who it was and the appropriate info, you'd still be mad, but you'd feel, as well as them, that they did the right and honest thing.

[misfittoy]

hitting a car and a friend cheating are different levels, cheating is not against the law, hit and run is different circumstances

[Asker]

Yet, so many people still just leave the scene without providing their details in a note or what not.

Very common

One may be a crime and one may not but that is extremely unimportant.

You seem like a smart woman, so please do not play dumb on what I am trying to illustrate for you haha

I'm 100% sure you get it

[misfittoy]

you cannot change people's morality, dont be ignorant to the fact being a goody two shoes can change anything. cheating wise, unless you know the whole situation you dont know whats going on, you dont know the ins and outs of anyone relationships. your being overly silly. you did not grow up in the hood like i did. if you think about it? technically its not your business. morally wrong and crimes are different, dont be dumb or misconstrue what i have explained. you gave a very vague description, caught your friend cheating? how many are in open relationships these days? not all friends are that open with their private lives? you never know a full situation there are always 3 sides to a story, hers, his, and the truth. none of us know for sure unless the guy literally says, i think she may be cheating, and you engage in a conversation. you can't force morality nor is it your job to do so.

[Asker]

So, now I think you're over complicating this.

I told you what you did was the right thing--cheating is cheating.

I can't believe you're finding some justification for it by saying "you don't know both sides" or "you don't know all the details"

It's not that complicated, why are you trying to make it so.

Again, for awhile cheating WAS a crime.

Crimes change

Again, I'm not making the two to be similar...

It's just to illustrate a point.

Better yet, what if a random person saw the person that hit your car?

Is it right of them to say something to you?

Technically it's not their business

But you would feel awful if they could've said something to you but they didn't because of some weird morality they have

Also, it's NOT a crime for them to not tell you

So, what do you think the right thing to do would be?

[misfittoy]

im being logical the average person will not say a word. its one of those damned if you do damned if you dont. lol in the hood i grew up i seen people stabbed dover cheating spouses when i was little. it boils down to your own moral code. i get what your saying thats not lost on me, my thing is you never know the depth of the situation its rarely that cut and dry. telling not telling doesn't make you any better or worse of a person.

did you ever hear the phrase no good deed goes unpunished? it has a lot of gravity to it, i assure you

to answer your question, refer back to initial answer it really does depend on the situation. in my case i did say something and he was alittle shocked but then laughed and said he was cheating with a co worker anyway? so it changed nothing in the end

[Asker]

Well, your situation is weird lol.

If it was me you told, I'd be infinitely gracious and thankful.

I think most would be thankful that they were told, but of course it's always going to be a shitty situation.

Why would I hate or be pissed off on you?

Maybe if you waited YEARS to tell me...

[misfittoy]

now you see why i said depends on the whole situation

[AddylynnNightingale]

I'd tell him. I love playing a part in karma.

[Tina19]

No i won't i don't to ruin the friendship where as her boyfriend will eventually find out on his own

[Asker]

How will he find out

[PetiteBabe64]

It’s none of His business If She cheats on him so no My Lips would be sealed. It’s called Honoring a Friendship. Honor isn’t about Being A snitch you must of never heard what Snitches get.

[Chazmatazz269]

Hail naw they wouldn’t!
“Sisters before misters!”
Ell oh ell!

[Asker]

I said women

[Chazmatazz269]

Indeed, but you didn’t restrict responses to only women. So you get what you get.

[Asker]

Do I have to restrict it if it says "women" lmao

It's just implied

[Chazmatazz269]

“Have to”? Like that one extra tap was impossible, fingers all bruised and bloodied from the rigors of posting on social media. Ell oh ell!
Obviously you wanted guys to respond so you could start some shit over it. Otherwise you would have tapped your screen ONE MORE TIME.

[findacure4wokeness]

If he or she is in a loveless or sexless relationship I think it's a bit of a grey area. But other then that I would roll on them because they are clearly in the wrong.

[worldscolide]

i would politely yet firmly tell my friend to tell him or i would and make it clear that she had no choice in this.

[Ex-Five]

Absolutely not! What kind of friend am I then? But I will ask my friend how it happened and why she did it.

[Asker]

You'd be a bad friend to her

But a kind and considerate human being

🙂

[Ex-Five]

This is definitely not a kind and considerate person. She is my friend! I don't even know the reason... Absolutely not. 🙂

[Asker]

Okay

[ShininN]

No. because I don't care they'll find out eventually. I'm not apart of their relationship I wouldn't get involved.

[Mamaganja]

Get me drunk and I’ll sing like a canary.

[LovingJo]

Depends how close we were 🤷🏻‍♀️

[AsaKyo]

Not my monkey, not my circus

[Nikki1989]

Nope, none of my business.

[zozole]

Nope