How do you know if they're the right person for you to choose to be with for long-term?

[bobalife]

Modern dating has been pretty complex in the U. S. as we know it.

Although we would like to think and build on the ideals that we know what we want. But to strive for that long-term relationship you know you'll settle down for... how would you know they're that person?

After my last relationship and failed relationships, I spent all my time primarily focusing on myself nor did I had much time in the past year to really do serious dating. I didn't oppose it, but my life was just filled with my priorities and on the go type of lifestyle. But now I am finally gonna have a bit more free time and trying to slow down on my lifestyle... I want to start really giving serious dating a chance if it permits as I would just want my last love type of thing.

[slatyb]

You are comfortable with them. I knew I was with the right woman when we were living together and I came home from work one day and felt no stress, just relief. I thought "Wow, this is the first home I've ever had." When you feel like that, they may be the right person for you. No guarantee, you need to have some things you enjoy together.

[Still-alive]

pretty much this. but how long did it take you to get to that feeling or realization?

[slatyb]

@Still-alive With her? Not long -- she's kind and thoughtful. Everyone who knows her loves her.

[bobalife]

Very sweet, I’m happy for you :)

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Take it slow. Things that are meant to have a way of kinda working out I think. Even if it takes effort. I feel like things that are meant to be never just disappear easily

[bobalife]

You’re right, I like the way you put it 😊

[ohsheeT]

Well that the first thing you do is you make up your mind that it's time to settle down and time to grow , and then you look at the person into the eyes and if you can feel his heartbeat , if you can hear his heart talk. Feel his heart touch , you well , that brings you a little bit closer

To be honest, you have to both want the same thing. I mean , I could tell what's in five minutes if I want to be with that person or not because I can feel their energy

But here's the bad thing is, it takes both people to be able to do the same thing, both people to make the commitment, both people to leave the egos outside the house. When they walk in both people have a plan. And both people are willing to make it work because all it takes Is one mess up from the other person? And if they're not on the same page as you, then you're not going to be happy. So honestly like what I view , if I start falling for somebody , I ask myself , are you ready for this

And then I talk to myself a little bit more and then I ask myself if something wants to go wrong, can you walk away, hold your head up high, say you did your best and move on and if I can say yes to that, then I will try it, that's all you can do that's There's no guarantees with anything, and that's the part that sucks, because you don't want to put in a bunch of time and not work. So\n But I it IS up to both of you.

Yeah, I've been asking myself that same question, because it's time for me to start dating again.

So you have to look person in the eyes you have to know who they are from their heart from the inside out. But you will know it, you just have to look way in advance on who that person truly truly is that's the biggest key right there when people first meet, they're on their best behavior but watch how they treat other people feel the way that he holds, you touches, you kisses, you make love to you, but the biggest thing is watch how he interacts with other people, because that will tell you everything. If you talk bad about his friends that's bad because then he's gonna talk bad about you. Whatever you see him doing with other people is how he's going to treat you. So that's the first thing that you find out who is he really

[Still-alive]

A few things: first Slow it down, do not rush it. its a plant that needs watering and time to grow. you may initially feel that sense of excitement or rush in the very beginning but truly feeling that big L requires a lot of patience.

also take each step you learned from your past relationship failures and take those lessons to heart and you'll find the person you are today needed to go through it all to get there. This was a lesson i learned the hard way personally.

Also you may want to if you can let go of the 'need' to get with someone and instead try to just 'want' it but not so badly that you disregard red flags or your own personal boundaries to get with someone. I say this so you don't set yourself up for a future that may or may not happen the way you were hoping for. Where fantasy drives head first into reality. however you can still welcome whatever actual future occurs for you nonetheless if your over all well being is well nurtured.

I personally am okay... if i do not meet someone in my life. Sure i might be a bit lonely... hell i feel it now at times, but ill be ok. i can make peace with it. However i would absolutely love to... and ill even say I do think it is going to happen... but its gotta be the right one. So this is a thing that requires patience and maybe a bit of fortitude.

I say all this so you are hopefully in the right mindset for a real authentic long term relationship with someone who actually loves you and you can love them and you are not desperate. desperation leads down a dark road.

Hope that all made sense.

[bobalife]

Patience is the key I’m taking from this, thank you.

And oh, I put in my prompt I “want” a relationship by the way :)

[Still-alive]

You did. :)

Just try to internalize that if you can so you get with the right person and not someone because you wanna settle or something. Ill be optimistic for you and say its gonna happen for ya. :)

[OneViewpoint]

It's not easy. Everyone shows you the best version of themselves at first. You can't know what living with that person is like until you live with them for a while and experience life's ups and downs over time.

And you probably won't like this but...

"After my last relationship and failed relationships, I spent all my time primarily focusing on myself" and

"my life was just filled with my priorities and on the go type of lifestyle"

You're 35. You've missed the typical mating and marriage window. You chose other priorities and your "lifestyle" over a relationship. Now, the window for children is closing quickly for you. Single guys your age are probably feeling the time crunch too and they are drawn to women age 25-30. You may need to adjust your expectations to find a long term guy at 35 and beyond. Everyone's options start to disappear in our late 20's.

[bobalife]

Thank you for your advices and suggestions. Haha yes after my last relationship, I did the healthy thing by focusing on myself to heal and chase after my dream than prolonging it. No serial dating after a relationship ends. No regrets sir :)

I also noticed in my late 20s that most of the good candidates are taken and married indeed. I’m open to whatever is meant for me rather to be single & happy or married with the right person.

[msc545]

There's no certain way to do this. If there was the person that advanced, it would be the richest person in the world. I think the best you can do is just try it out for a reasonable period of time like 5 years or so. And if you're still happy and with him and they're still happy and with you, then it might be worth giving it a go. The amount of time you give it it before committing to it is directly related to how valid and reasonable your ultimate decision will be. Be extremely careful because a bad decision can ruin your life.

[Mayorofbobaville]

At the end of the day, you know somebody’s right for the long run when being with them feels calm and solid. No drama, no guessing games just peace. It’s not really about that spark or butterflies all the time. It’s about consistency, respect, and whether your lives actually work well together.

But if I’m being real, after a few relationships, I had to learn something about myself. I’m not really built to be the long term boyfriend type. I respect people who want that forever kind of love, no doubt. people who want that “last love,” but I’ve learned that path isn’t for me some people just isn't destined for that.

[Zionne]

Figuring out if someone is right long-term comes down to observing patterns, not just feelings, how they handle conflict, support your goals, and align with your values over time. Take it slow, notice how they treat you in everyday situations, and ask yourself if you feel safe, respected, and genuinely seen. For guidance on spotting red flags and building a strong connection, a dating coach for men can help you navigate these early stages and recognize who’s truly a match for the long haul.

[Berethor]

If she a virgin then she is someone I can trust, as she clean and not have a bad history.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

[NathanDavis]

I make sure to get to know them well enough... before I even get in a relationship with them

however... my relationships have only lasted anywhere from 3 to 5 years or so...

[Nikki1989]

If you have to ask yourself that question, he or she is probably not the one for you. When you find the perfect partner, there are never any doubts.

[Mayorofbobaville]

That's true you just at peace

[serious]

Well, simple. For me the right person will be the person who fully and naturally meets my standards of physical beauty and personality aspects. For me both physical beauty and personality aspect are important and I won't ignore one for the other.

[HighValue]

If they have compatible morals, compatible long term life goals, and you both have at least a couple things in common you enjoy doing together besides just sexual activities, they would be likely to be the right person for you.

[exitseven]

this is why you do not rush into marrying somebody. Make sure they are what you want and they are not faking it

[fish5505_87]

You asked the Golden Question! Everyone id different. The only advice I can give, is to take your time, observe everything. Sometimes you just know, others times they may surprise you. You need to have more things in common than not! Good Luck!

[jahaims]

If you have to ask you shouldn't date

[shortster]

If they share your values and goals.

[Ariesman81]

If they believe my bullshit.