How do you know if the person you’re in a relationship with is the right one?

Question

I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years and when I’m in his presence he gives me the princess treatment but when I’m not seeing him we hardly communicate due to his quiet personality and the fact that we don’t have much to talk about in msgs. I feel single when it’s like that and I crave attention elsewhere and other guys would interest me or show interest in me. I don’t know how to tell if my boyfriend is the right one because he’s okay with not talking to me when we’re not seeing each other. I fall deeply in love with him when we’re together and when we’re not I feel completely out of love and easily start liking other guys that are attractive.

Sunssong · Accepted Answer

@love_sick101 Alright I'll give the real answer since nobody seems to know.  You're suffering from the  Law of Diminishing Intent I'm going to tell you  how to know the right one  but first I wanna explain what is happening to you.  The subconscious works entirely in the now. So when you're with him you love him and when you aren't with him you lose that feeling. Same reason why people can't alter habits. Law of diminishing intent. Now what's weird is you're living entirely from the outside-in and most people don't do that when they love someone. They think about that person and they feel something. They feel amazing. That only leads me to believe you are thinking thoughts of worry and doubt instead of positive ones.  Here is  how to know the right one: Sit down with a pen and paper. Ask yourself what do you want most in life.  Ask yourself how do you want to live. Ask yourself what do I want my relationship to be like. And you describe it all in a very definite manner. It has to be definite. Where do you see you guys going and doing? What character traits define the relationship? How do you guys handle disagreement? What does a normal day look like with that person? You see you cannot possibly know MR. Right until you know what relationship you want exactly and even what life you want.  People never sit down and do this. It's why they have to rely on feelings alone. It's why people will date a cheater and think it'll be different. Understand that we are habitual creatures. Can we change, yes. However, we often don't. Mr. Right is the guy who habitual fits in with your vision of a relationship.  Warning You can try to vet a person off feeling alone but I promise you it's a  horrible idea . If it worked everyone would be getting married and lasting. I can tell you right now the reason you and your boy are having trouble is because you lack a joint vision. You have 2 unconscious visions and they are not in-sync and that causes the problem. And soon it will manifest into a breakup. And on top of that you're talking to us not him about it. You have to know what you want in order to get it. Otherwise, the perfect guy will literally pass right by you.  And this is especially true for women.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

From your explanation, it sounds like you have no issues with commitment and I respect it. But no matter how hard it is to talk about, these are thoughts you need to communicate to your partner, otherwise it will never be addressed. Give him the chance to better himself before your feel you need to pull the plug on the relationship. I can't stress enough how important communication and transparency is in a relationship.

That being said, I do have criteria I look for in for a partner that I believe a lot of people don't look for. Other than physical attraction, which is important to most people, people tend to look for qualities like "What do they do for a living and do they make enough? Are they a nice person? And do they seem like a fun person to be around?" When in reality to find chemistry, they should be looking for similar interests, views, goals in life, sense of humor, similar way of communicating, etc. As you can see, it's the similar qualities that dictate how much chemistry you have with someone. It's okay to differ on a few things. No one is the same person and you don't exactly want a clone for a partner. But the similarities you share with a partner should align at your core. Once you start looking for those similarities rather than the qualities most people look for that I previously mentioned, I can guarantee you'll find a great match.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Depends on how long you are not seeing each other. If it's months then I can understand, but if it's days or few weeks then no I don't understand why you feel that way during that solo time. You probably like many other women who don't have life outside of romantic relationship and that's why. You'll need to get a life and an enternaintment, it's your own personal problem that has nothing to do with guy or if he's the right one. You'll carry this problem forever unless you find a super clingy man. Maybe that's your type?

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

You know he’s Mr. Right when you have more answers than questions. When you don’t have to see him to feel he loves you or the connection is real. When you see him in your future and he sees you in his. It’s mutual and natural. You don’t have to force it to happen.

caring__1 · Answer

You're saying you need a lot of attention, so this guy is probably not the guy for you. Maybe you need frequent reassurance, and that's not going to happen in this relationship. That's not saying there's anything wrong with either of you... you're just different. Some people are fine with differences, while others can't deal with it.

Let him find someone who appreciates him as he is, rather than for the potential he can become, and then find someone who already is the person you seek. Never expect others to change their basic essence for you. You have needs that aren't being met in this relationship, so either gain a deep understanding of your neediness and find other ways to meet your needs, or find someone else who needs to be needed and is eager to be available constantly.

TruthBringer · Answer

When you found your peace with that person.

When every time you are with that person, you feel energized rather than drained.

When you both actively prioritize each other and work together to goals that benefit you both.

When you don't sit in confusion and question whether the other person likes you or not.

When you both think about each other's needs and respect each other's boundaries.

There are many more 'signs'. These are the major ones, in my opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

I think when its the right person, there would be no doubts, no questions, no begging, and definitely no taking interest in other people. I can’t imagine being with a guy like that. You either talk to him about it and *if* he tries his best to change, then it means he wants to be the right guy for you, or you can save yourself some time and find someone who’s compatible with you in the first place. Its not just that, i wouldn't wanna have to tell my man to give me more attention when we’re not together. That should be a given. If it were me id let him go.

Anonymous · Answer

you don't. because anything can happen, even to the most "compatible and perfect" couples.

for your situation, it's definitely not the right one. the fact that you don't have much to talk about is concerning. do you at least talk when together? any similar interests that you talk about? the fact that you feel single, craving attention from other guys, after 3 years in a relationship, is not a good sign overall. sounds like you need to break up. you both are wasting your time.

Anonymous · Answer

I was going to work one morning and my boyfriend had to have me before he went to work despite my protests and struggling. He held me down bent me over hiked up my skirt and pulled aside my thong and mounted me on the floor, it felt really good but was over within two minutes. He kissed my cheek and slapped my behind real hard leaving me face down ass up and ran out then he door to work. Anyway I got up and got in my car to go to work stopping off at the shop to buy a salad for lunch. I was on my way to the checkout and beside the condoms I spied the durex vibrators, I bought a Durex bullet vibrator. On my the way to work I gave myself the most amazing two orgasms with it, still dripping wet and soaking with my boyfriend's cum. First time I've used a vibrator, I felt such a bad girl too. I actually had to make a 2nd stop on my way to work to buy new underwear. I'm buying a few birthday presents for myself.

RingOfFire · Answer

"How do you know if the person you’re in a relationship with is the right one?"

You don't. All relationships are chance. All you can do is use your best judgement and then take a leap of faith. If you are very lucky, it turns out the be what you hoped.

In this case though, I think you have reason for doubt.

kevypatyy7 · Answer

There is this interesting meme quote I have about relationship, "𝙱𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚙𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚎𝚢𝚎, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜. " So I think onions are still making you cry, wanting the attention and stuff. What am saying is the right guy will always show interest in you no matter what.

Angelo75 · Answer

Maybe he's just an introvert (google it).

If that's the case, its gonna be his usual behaviour. Try to find out how he behaves when among family. If he's the quiet one, well that confirms it.

As for "the right one", thats an illusion created by the media.
You just pick a partner and work HARD on your relationship. And that hard work must come from BOTH end, otherwise it's gonna be a disaster.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I have never believe is a right  one . With so many women on the planet there are likely thousands who have enough compatibility with me for it to work. And how you know? The compatibility, good conflict resolution, and the sense of peace.

richardcory · Answer

Does he make you happy. Not does he do things that *should* make you happy but are you usually happy when you are with him. Think carefully about whether you enjoy being with HIM, or you would enjoy being with the person you wish he was.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

That’s why you take your time in relationships and you should never rush.

But if you don’t feel a spark and feel like you absolutely cannot be with anybody else but him then you are wasting your time.

TheThingALing · Answer

Do you have any female friends to use some of that you feel lonely and bored? Or do you "get along better with men" (i. e they don't trust you around their bfs)

mobiusforniner · Answer

I dont. In fact, i think we are terrible for each other. But we work together, stay committed and the longer time goes on, the harder it becomes to imagine life without the other.

BCRanger10 · Answer

If you tell them what you want and need in a relationship in order for you to feel loved, and they do not honor it.

Shy_Steve · Answer

If there seems to be a few too many things that he doesn't do in your Relationship that you want or a few too many things that you do not want in your Relationship that he does too much then that would be a Sign that he isn't right for you.

Belgie · Answer

You can never tell. If you could, there'd be no divorce. It's a crap shoot.

liburnia · Answer

If you have to ask yourself if he's the right one, he is not, trust me

WhitneySnow · Answer

It sounds like he’s not the right personality type for you

TheMadLad · Answer

You don’t. you just experience it and let it go along.

Mangospacho · Answer

If you have to ask, you’re not with the right person.

How do you know if the person you’re in a relationship with is the right one?

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