Is there something wrong with me for needing attention from my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend works a demanding job. People are constantly calling him about work stuff. He wakes up checks his emails. Sits on the toilet for an hour, checks his phone. Comes home from work and still gets calls and messages. Lately i have been feeling unnoticed and put to the side and his phone usage is all i see now. We had a fight because i was upset that every time i wake up, even on the weekends he is on his phone scrolling. And I'm not saying he can't be on his phone but it’s just irritating waling up to see him on it. Like i want to wake up and him come scoot closer to enjoy my company or want to be close to me. Thats how i would be towards him if i woke up before him. After telling him i thought he understood where i was coming from but two days later i wake up and he is on it again. And i jump to conclusions and get mad cause i feel like everything we talked about was for nothing. But apparently he was responding to a work text. I feel needy and crazy for being upset. What is wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing wrong w that. Doesn’t sound like you’re asking for much. He actually needs to find a balance there as far as work plus his relationship w you. He needs to set boundaries as far as his work w what is an appropriate time of the date to call or message him. The phone is a sign to you that you come second. It’s starting to build resentment in you toward him as well as his job. He has weak boundaries that he needs to work on.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. Thats honestly exactly how i feel. I’ve gotten to the point where i just leave him to be on his phone while i go do something else but now he thinks i ignore him. 🫠

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with you. Wanting to feel seen, valued, and emotionally connected is a fundamental human need in any romantic relationship.

If you have clearly communicated your needs and he continues to prioritize the screen without making an effort to change, it may be a sign of deeper emotional unavailability or a lack of willingness to prioritize the relationship. A healthy partner should want to find a balance that makes you feel secure.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Yeah i can definitely see that. It takes me being upset at the same problem multiple times for him to finally do something about the issue at hand.

[Abbycado]

Did you know about the rigors of his job before you were in a relationship with him?

[Asker]

Kind of i guess i never pay that big of a deal to it the first year we were not living together yet. we lived in two different cities and he would FaceTime everyday from the moment i got off work which was noon to the moment he fell asleep. Me feeling like a priority at that time wasn’t ever an issue until i moved in with him.

[slatyb]

When he's on his phone, he's not working. He's telling you that you are no longer a priority for him. How long are you willing to continue like this?

[Asker]

I would say 40/60 he is working on his phone majority of the time. But yeah I don't know it sucks I’ve never had such strong feelings for someone like this.

[jahaims]

Hard to say with the given context but you sound fairly reasonable. Decide if you can be in a relationship with a workaholic