Would you date a bartender? Why or why not?

[DishLady]

I was telling my very sweet bartender friend (M30) that it's high time he find himself a nice young lady. (He's SUPER handsome with a heart of gold, a good head on his shoulders and a great sense of humor. So why tf is he single?)

He says no one wants to date a bartender.

I gave him a look. "What are you talking about? I used to bartend and I was always being asked out."

He laughed. "First of all, of course. But then... how often did you go out with those guys?"

I thought about it and realized... never. But I hate to lose an argument, so I countered. "But you're a guy. Aren't you the one asking the girls out?"

He shrugged. "Sure. I don't have a problem finding a nice girl, but when she wants to go out is in the evenings... and I'm working. Or the weekends... and I'm working. It's... just not a normal life."

Aww. I felt bad for him. And he LOVES being a bartender. Very friendly and considerate to everyone, and doting on the regulars who come in every week.

• Any advise for this fellow?
• If there are any bartenders in the house, what's your dating experience? Are you facing the same issues?
• To the rest of you, would you ever date a bartender? Why or why not?

[exitseven]

I did date a bartender. I went to a local bar one night because somebody I knew was playing guitar there. I started talking to the bartender. I thought she was very attractive and had red hair. She was also the polar opposite of the athletic, outdoorsy girls I dated in the past and maybe that was the point. She told me that she got off at 11:00 so I waited around and asked her if I could walk her to her car. She agreed so while I walked I told her a story about an friend who asked out a lot of girls and told me that the worst thing they can do is say no. then I looked at her and said"So wouldja?" By that point she was sort of confused about when I was talking about.

So she said that she would. We dated for a few months. Her whole life revolved around drinking and partying. It was fun at first but she had issues. Maybe she was bi polar and she probably was a high functioning alcoholic. She got abusive to me mostly when she was drunk. She told me that her parents abused her and her brother did weird stuff to her. I was really falling for her maybe because I wanted to fix her. One day I suggested that maybe she should see a shrink. She got really angry with me. She would not return my calls and once I called her and I knew she was home but she told her roommate to tell me she was not home.

A few days went by so I went to where she was living. She was living with a friend and her boyfrined. They told me she moved out and was living with friends. I never heard from her again.

[DishLady]

Yeah I remember I was too young to go out drinking (19) but was bartending to make ends meet while in school so I didn’t get to hang out with the rest of the crew who we very into drinking and smoking and a bunch of other things.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Anonymous]

If I’m being honest, no. This is going to be a double standard. A lot of men won’t date female bartenders because there’s that status there of female bartenders sleeping around just the same as female nurses. W men sure they may sleep around, but a lot of women don’t care about that as far as getting w him whether it’s for a real relationship or just to mess around. Men on the other hand will definitely sleep w a female bartender, but most of them won’t take her serious because of that stereotype. When you said a lot of men asked you out, did they ask you out because they wanted something genuine or were they just trying to get you in bed? Plus I’m thinking most men aren’t looking to find their life partner in a bar, especially if it’s a man looking for a girlfriend or wife. He’s a bartender so he sees first hand how a lot of the women act, maybe trying to get free drinks out of men, sleeping around w various dudes, etc. So that may be that reason why he’s single cause he doesn’t want a girl like that. I don’t know how much he works but maybe he doesn’t have much time outside of work to invest in trying to meet someone. He may also just be protecting himself as well if he sees how a lot of these women act to keep himself from being hurt. So maybe he needs to seek someone outside of the bar setting if that’s forming his image of how women are. I don’t know, just my thoughts.

[DishLady]

Yea but also I bartended in college but was living at home and wasn’t allowed to date, which is specific to my scenario. Plus I had to stand firm and be “the shortie” who was mean enough to cut guys off when they had too much.

[Opinion Owner]

I get it. Not all women are like that who work in the bartending business. It’s just a lot of men tend to see certain professions in the same way. I work in the medical field. A lot of the men I know or have talked to or read online forums said they’d never date a nurse. But I too have a lot of female friends who are nurses who to my knowledge aren’t doing such things. It’s just the stereotype. Maybe because of these shows on tv set in the medical field that show the nurses sleeping around w the doctors, or male nurses.

[Bárbara1402]

Owww I feel bad for him too and I don’t even know him. I don’t really have a problem to date a bartender but I get his point when he said girls only want to go out on evenings or weekends specially if they don’t have compatible jobs (for example if she works at an office). But if she really wants to hang out with him I suggest they wait until he’s out (if she has a Mon to Fri job on weekends that wouldn’t be a problem) and they hang out at each others place while grabbing something to eat (midnight snacks haha) and get to know each other for a bit. That’s a simple date idea but I think it’s fun if they are both willing to do it

[DishLady]

That's the thing. Anyone he meets through work are high-end clerks and such. So he's not meeting anyone "blue collar". Even he himself isn't "blue collar" bc it's a high-end restaurant and also bc he's very highly educated and just basically loves the chemistry and creativity of his job -- he, the chef and the owner are like little kids figuring out what the latest food-bev blends will be. It's hilarious.

[4ngelic]

maybe short term but long term it's a bit scary. bartenders are kinda seen as sleeping around a lot, and i don't want to get serious with someone in a profession where they're a lot more likely to cheat

[coachTanthony]

Bartenders are like flight attendants they get a bad rap of being promiscuous.

[spartan55]

Very well deserved in my experience.

[DishLady]

@spartan55 Really? The ones I know now are total sweetie pies. A few of them conservative. But they're out later than anyone I know bc they have to close and do inventory and whatever else their boss needs them to do. It's a little different now in my opinion than it was when I was in college and working the local spots right off campus and helping the on-campus catering teams as their in-house bartender.

[spartan55]

@DishLady
Your naivete is showing up here.

[DishLady]

@spartan55 Lol. Yeah, ok, fair enough I guess.

[Staximus]

I've worked at a few bars but I was not a bartender. My job was to get rid of the undesirable clientele. I've had a lot of friends that were bartenders over the years. The girl bartenders always had no shortage of dudes trying to get in their pants. The guy bartenders had plenty of girls to choose from if they had good social skills. Getting out of work at 2 or 3 a. m. and always working Friday and Saturday night will test any relationship. He needs to find a girl that works the same hours or has the same off days if possible, or change his hours. Being a bartender at a fancy hotel, fancy restaurant, country club, golf course, etc usually lets you get out of work earlier. Golfers start drinking early, go home early, and tip big.

[Staximus]

Besides the schedule-Girl bartenders have too many guys barking up their tree, and most bartenders are alcoholics. I would date a bartender, but I would have to get to know her first

[Staximus]

A couple of the girls I worked with for a few years at one bar were drunk as a fiddler after a square dance at least once a week. They never fooled around on their boyfriends the whole time I worked there, and had the chance to every night they worked

[ryanrhino]

He needs to find the right person to match his work schedule and lifestyle, just like in any relationship. If he's a good guy, there will be a good person for him. It is rough for single parents. Odds are he may find a restaurant manager or another person who works in customer service. Dates during the week are possibly easier to reserve, too!

[worldscolide]

If I were single. Possibly, but most likely no.

Two big reasons, I dated one once, and the number of times she told me guys groped her is insane, and the worst part of it is I can do absolutely nothing to stop it.

Basically I'd feel helpless to do anything to protect her.

And the second reason is the high percentage of people (male and female) that cheat in that occupation. The only one that is higher is nursing.

[worldscolide]

I don't really have advice for him by the way. He isn't wrong looking at it from his point of view it's hard for male bar tenders because of scheduling and the like.

[worldscolide]

And contrary to what another person said, the chances for alcoholism is actually lower than the average occupation, because any bar worth their salt will refuse to hire alcoholics.

[TediumIsTheWorstPain]

Maybe your friend should consider dating another bartender. Or anyway, someone with a work schedule similar to his own.

I don't think it's just bartenders who work mostly evenings and weekends. A lot of people in the service industry have hours like that. And there are a lot of people who work evenings for other reasons.

[spartan55]

Of course he loves being a bartender... he has an unlimited supply of women coming at him who all want to have sex... 🙄

[MidnightRivers]

Of course,

Why? - I don't judge by the job but by their character, persobnality and how they treat others / me

[DishLady]

Ok, tell me the days and times you're dating this person who isn't available during standard dating times/days.

[MidnightRivers]

Ooof god question, assuming theyre working weekends and normall evenings / late afternoons. It would therefore need to be on any days off, any mornings offs, any lunch breaks. There's always a work-around. My best mate at Uni bartended pretty much full time, he would study late at night wake up late monrings so I see the struggle there

[CubaPirate]

I definatly would if I was single. My sons were both bartenders and both had no issues dating

[Spencer10]

I actually have. She was a great lady. Great sense of humor... great story teller.

[MikeMcMansion]

Thats like “dating” a stripper in most cases

[LC75LC71]

No way! That's like dating a detective, only without guns. I think..

[Imjustagirl1520]

no, they know way too many girls, and r probably alcoholics

[Randomguy28]

Whats wrong in that?
I thought bartenders are also human.

[leva532]

I don't think so there are any issue with that.

[ThisisMandydandy]

Sure. Why wouldn't I want to if it's a guy I like?

[Unycorn]

Yes. Why not? As everyone else.

[james117111]

Noooo just me