Does compatibility in dating mean liking the same things… or valuing each other’s joy even when you’re different?

Question

I feel like some differences in dating are easy to work around… but other differences can change how connected we feel over time.

It made me wonder whether compatibility is really about enjoying the same things, or whether it matters more to have someone who may not share all your interests, but still values what matters to you.

Do you think shared interests matter more in dating… or just being willing to appreciate what matters to each other?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

The best part about relationships is that we are all going to have a little bit of compatibility but it's also the willingness to try new things and then understand that we might not be into it as much as they are but still you will support them

It's just like religion and politics I mean it's nice to have the same beliefs but there are times where you're going to meet somebody that you truly love and they're not going to look at that type of thing the same way you do there is no right or wrong there's just what that person believes in and you have to respect that and if you going to argue about it then it's never going to work but if I respect you then I will hear what you think about both of those and call it good we can't argue because no matter what there are going to be things in life that you cannot connect with but don't argue about it you have to just respect that and let it go

I think when two people can come together like that and understand that we are different we do believe in different things and that's okay and you know each other's boundaries you just don't overstep them that's when a deeper Love Comes

That old saying it takes two
Or there's two sides to everything

Are we living a duality world

No matter what you have to see both sides you don't have to understand them it's nice to do so but there are two sides to everything sometimes they connect together sometimes they don't but you have to respect that and understand what why that person believes in what they believe in or vice versa and when you can do that there's a much deeper connection and when you don't have to fight about it or argue about it you just respect it there's a much deeper connection

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It’s different for everyone and every relationship there are things that some people can work through and others can’t….. Some people having different actually makes them stronger and brings the best of both people out that’s why sometimes introverts and extroverts can make amazing couples and other times they are completely incompatible.

A lot of compatibility comes down to if you want the same things out of a relationship…. If a man wants a housewife and the woman wants a career….. or a woman wants to be a housewife and the man doesn’t want that type of relationship etc. Would it work? Depends. But usually no.

It also comes down to beliefs if someone’s extremely pro life and the other is pro choice hardline. It could be different to be a couple. Again not that it could never work. How many kids does one another want? What roles do you want to play in a relationship.

Interests are great to have in common but you can have a loving relationship if you share the same values and are able to create a bond together. Real relationships is a deep emotional bond where both people can truly be themselves and be vulnerable with one another. Be one another’s best friends.

But a lot of people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons and become completely miserable.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

compatibility means...

if one spouse is bad tempered, then the relationship can only work out if the other spouse is not bad tempered.

if one spouse really likes to talk, the other spouse must like to listen. Two people can't be fighting to talk at the same time.

If one spouse is smart, the other spouse can't be idiotic since they won't be doing things the same way at all.

If one spouse is a terrible spender, the other spouse must be a bad spender as well. Because if they don't agree on bad spending, then they would both get into a fight.

If one spouse is significantly older than the other spouse, then it would cause compatibility issues since once spouse might still want to stay up late to have sex and the other spouse might want to sit, drink milk and go to bed early.

If one spouse is very messy, then they wouldn't be compatible with someone who is extremely neat. Because they the neat person will get angry at constantly cleaning after the messy one

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

Shared interests are convenient. They provide activities to do together and facilitate effortless conversation. However, two people can love the same music, travel to the same places, and want the same food, yet still be fundamentally incompatible in every other way.

So yes, it helps, but it is still far from a guarantee of a happy life together.

AviatorTom · Answer

Compatibility is actually quite simple. It means being willing to put up with each other while you each learn from each other and experience new things.

Lliam · Answer

I think it's being willing to appreciate what matters to each other.

For example, I love rock music and went to hundreds of concerts in the '70's. I was lead guitar and vocalist in garage rock bands.
My wife was a disco girl in the '70s and '80s. She liked going to clubs with her friends and dancing.
I despised disco. She didn't like rock music and thought lead guitar sounds were just loud, incomprehensible noise.

We met in 1994 and had a wonderful first date. The conversation flowed and time disappeared.
She called me two days later to say that friends of hers had offered her two ticket to see the Rolling Stones and Red Hot Chili Peppers. She wondered if I was interested in going.
Of course I was interested. I also knew she didn't like that kind of music and had never been to a rock concert.
But we went and had a great time.

Over the years, I have introduced her to some of the music I love and she really likes some of it. I gradually came to appreciate some of the old disco music, as well.

I went with her to see Mama Mia in a theater because she loves Abba. I never liked Abba but after watching that movie with her on video a few times, witnessing how joyfully she sang along to the songs, and taking another listen to Abba, I grew quite fond of it.

She has listened to me rehearsing songs and has heard my band play quite a few times. She loves hearing me play and is amazed by my musical ability. She also loves my enthusiasm and the joy it brings me.

We have a common love for a lot of oldies pop music. I also introduced to Irish and Celtic music and she absolutely loves some of it.

So anyway, having completely different tastes in music at first didn't make us incompatible. In some ways, it brought us closer together.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Sure shared intangible values are a fundamental basis for connection. You won't get far or last long with any degree of happiness without that.

And it's irrational to think any of us will ever meet anyone who shares all our interests. Not gonna happen. Very few guys are gonna be into discussing makeup and handbags. Very few women are gonna be swept away in a conversation about superchargers or the best brand of impact wrench. And that's a good thing. In any relationship I think it's healthy to have your own interests and friend group outside the marriage or girlfriend/boyfriend thing. Time together is great. Too much time together is not.

With that said, I think we all have a few things that we'd really like to share with someone close. For example with me one of them is skiing. I'd really love someone who could ski with me and share a day on a mountain and dinner in front of a fireplace at the end of the day. I'm not asking anyone to jump off a cliff on skis with me. Just share a day on the slopes. My ex wife tried once or twice. But she was no athlete and she hates the cold. She was also extremely risk averse. Likewise she wasn't a great swimmer. The ocean scared the crap out of her. So I just started leaving her behind to ski and play in the ocean or backpack for a week at a time. And for her part, she was happy on the couch watching sitcoms, maybe dinner and a movie, going to see a Broadway play. I'd do that stuff with her. But I couldn't do that 365 days a year forever.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

In how I experience relationships, shared interests didn't have to be many to feel good. But the fulfilling sensations I got them with girls sharing one or two very strong interests with me. It can be a broad interest, art is important to me for example, as a general idea, but the specific matches aren't that important.

Concretely, let's say I'm much more into drawing and she is much more into literature, this is art in both cases, but not the same categories of art. Yet it is art, and if she truly understands art, the role of art, the trans-disciplinary idea that art is, then no matter disciplines themselves, they won't be relevant as long as we share the meta. This meta will have us bond, de facto, in any case.

Then there is our capacity to articulate what we like, to comprehend WHY we like what we like, what it does to us, deep within. And then conveying that WHY to each other. Because valuing the other's joy isn't happening magically to me, at least not usually, because I'm cerebral, I need to comprehend her. And I need her to be able to convey what she is, what she fully is in this absurd universe, I need meaning.

Once I've got that, once I understand what's her existence is truly about, when she was able to send me that essential, that existential memo, when I received it, then I'm happy. Then I'm truly happy to be with her. That's what I ask, that's what I give and that's what I get.

MrChinaski · Answer

For me, what matters most is a persons ethics, ambition, drive, passion, dreams, sense of humour... you know, general 'goodness'. And a cute ass.

If you spend enough time with someone then interests converge anyway because you enjoy doing things together. Almost anything is interesting once you understand a little about it.

rosemilk · Answer

it'd be sooo boring to have someone who is exactly the same as you. i like learning new things from their different interests. i wouldn't have known about a lot of things if i wasn't with my husband. and same goes for him. obviously it's nice to bond over similar interests as we have those to, but it's even more enjoyable to bond while learning something from them.

Tarifa · Answer

There should be enough things you feel or think the same about. But differences in hobbies and the way you spend your time are not necessarily bad. We all had a previous life before we started dating. Being with a partner is not like two trains on the same track. Rather two trains that go along on parallel tracks.

sage2021 · Answer

I believe that in a well-rounded relationship it has to be both. Not either or.

That's what an interdependent relationship is made of.

Being interested in the same things, caring about each other and loving one another, but also being okay with them when they show their independent self as well.

exitseven · Answer

Superficial things such as liking the same kind of music or having a passion for skydiving
is not real compatibility. It is the more important things like a shared vision of a life together is what is important. Family values, child rearing , economic goals are more important than a shared love for sushi.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I think having core beliefs and values ultimately matter more than anything.. Having similar beliefs of wanting to have and raise children, similar faiths, unfortunately political beliefs these days, maybe where to raise the kids, stuff like that involves compatibility to me. Having similar interests is good, but I also think it can be fun to explore each other's interests if they are different..

AydenHazor · Answer

I think valuing each other's joy is far more important. Mutual interests are great but differences aren't an issue, unless they're differences in valuing groups of humanity.

I love seeing people get excited about their interests and learning from them!

Staximus · Answer

It means you can tolerate each other and not want to kick each other's ass

lilBigPotato · Answer

You don't need to share all interests, but there needs to be some overlap, else it will be difficult long term.

queenofcardio · Answer

I think you can still be compatible with someone if they can appreciate your “why” for doing certain things. It can carry a lot of weight when someone tries to understand you, even if they don’t share the same hobbies.

Hunter-40m · Answer

Enjoying the same things May be a starting point in time you may like things you never think of enjoying I believe point in here is to be yourself when you are around her without wearing masks

loveslongnails · Answer

Compatibility is about basic values, your overall attitude, your outlook on life, etc., things like that. Likes and dislikes are mostly secondary.

dudeinohio · Answer

Compatibility deals as much with differences as it does with similarities. Some differences actually enhance Compatibility.

Shiprex · Answer

Similar values and respect for the ones that aren't the same.

beenherebefore · Answer

To me it means having similar values and being respectful of each other's needs and boundaries.

jahaims · Answer

It means having the same values and morals as well as many other things

Twalli · Answer

My fiancée and I don't share all of our interests, but we share enough of them.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

It’s a bit of both, really.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

It could be either, depends on the couple.

Jennz6 · Answer

You should have the same interest

AgentG111 · Answer

Both.

LC75LC71 · Answer

It's all a tangled web of compromise.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Both.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Both

Does compatibility in dating mean liking the same things… or valuing each other’s joy even when you’re different?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Dating compatibility is beyond confusing isn’t it?

Does compatibility in dating mean liking the same things… or valuing each other’s joy even when you’re different?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Dating compatibility is beyond confusing isn’t it?

We're glad to see you liked this post.