Is this girl ghosting me or just busy with life and work abroad?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been talking to this girl abroad (we’re 13 hours apart) for 3 months. Questions are fun and conversations flow. We say goodnight and good morning texts 75% of the time. Recently after her “good morning” text she said she had a rude customer at work (she’s a massage therapist) and I asked if she’s okay and did he hurt her. She hasn’t replied for 2 days, I sent an “Are you okay” message this morning and so far left me on delivered with the previous text as well. I do notice she’s online for like 1-2 times a day than frequently.

[HollyK21]

I’d say maybe she’s just busy, but since it’s been 2 days and she’s been active online, it’s possible that she’s just losing interest in maintaining this connection every day, but doesn’t have the nerve to tell you. She may not even realize that’s the issue yet, it’s just a feeling that’s starting to take form.


When you’re limited to so much texting and phone conversations, eventually one or both parties are privy to getting burnout. Maybe for the most part conversations are fun and flowing but it takes energy and effort to make that happen, and for her it can be getting exhausting. Asking the same old ‘how was your day? How’s work? How are you feeling? Did you hear this?’ topics become repetitive and boring, trying to think of or fish for topics. It’s like a textationship, which creates a shallow, anxious, or stagnant connection that lacks emotional depth and that may not be what she wants with you.


If I’m wrong and you’re just pen pals of sorts then I wouldn’t put much thought into her not responding, because you are just friends. I don’t speak with any of my friends every single day, and I’d stop contributing to this expectation that we should have good mornings/good nights along with speckled conversations throughout the day. It creates confusion as well, because why would I give boyfriend level prioritization to my friend who nothing romantic is meant to happen with?

[Asker]

I’d say we’re just talking but more than texting/talking. We’ve had a fling over the course of two weeks and she stayed at my place while doing so. After I left we’ve agreed it’s not exclusive because we don’t know each other yet but I’d be willing to visit back with that intention and to keep in touch till then (I do want to point out that she has given names for terms of endearment for significant others which confuses me with the original intentions). Which I do not mind if she’s not interested, I personally just need clarification before I move on in which if she doesn’t reciprocate anything that’s an answer as well. It just doesn’t make sense to me why she’d initiate a conversation then not reply to the reply if she felt like “leaving”

[HollyK21]

Here’s what I would do. I’d wash my hands for now, then preoccupy my mind and time with literally anything else but her. I don’t think it was cool for her to just leave your messages hanging, but it is what it is for now and you can’t worry about it. When she does get around to reaching out, ask for a phonecall, not texting, so that you can have a conversation. That conversation should be about getting on the same page about what this is or isn’t, so that you both can stop wasting your time if necessary.

The reason I think a conversation absolutely needs to happen is because this became messy the moment you agreed to this halfway in, halfway out dynamic. Realistically these two things — talking but more — cannot exist at once. It sounds nice in theory because it’s low commitment, and minimal priority compared to a full blown relationship. But in reality it’s just hindering you both.

You aren’t committed but then you lowkey are because you’d eventually like something to come of this. In any case, you should have a talk and figure it out. 3 months in — you may not know her like the back of your hand but you know whether or not you are interested in her. So if you are, and she is too, then make it happen. Otherwise let those two blissful weeks remain only that and let each other go.

[sage2021]

It would only take her a quick minute to respond to you and your question if she's okay.

I think that it's very rude of her to ignore you.

[Hunter-40m]

She seems busy with life if she ignored you she wouldn't have an actual and joyful conversation with you or answer back your messages keep your relationship with her and watch her reactions closely if the situation bothering you continues you can ask if the things between you two are okay or not

[Hunter-40m]

Thanks for MHO 👍

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should call GhostBusters :P

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the MHO

[Abbycado]

Sounds like she’s losing interest, which isn’t uncommon in a LDR.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Stop with the "how are you sweetie peachy apple baby ooochie goochie love of my life texts"... it's needy behavior.

[Nikki1989]

It is an LDR. What did you expect to happen?

[In_Trance]

Ghosted

Move on