What do you do with a persistent person you only have lukewarm feelings for?

[DishLady]

There's a fellow who isn't bad... he's just not "the one" so his persistence in pursuing me is a little concerning. On the positive side, while I'll let him open doors and do chivalrous things for me, I'm ok with him not paying for anything (coffee/tea, etc.) because I know I don't have strong romantic feelings for him.

To add context to those who are new to my saga, there was a fellow who DID pay everything and I DID have hot and heavy feelings for from Day 1, but... he wasn't a gentleman, he was just keeping me on the hook for whenever he felt like having a presentable gal around to major events, public settings, etc. (bc most of the women he engages are... not).

I would have been happy with the first fellow, had he been respectful, but he thought his wallet would cover up all his slights and repkace the need for any sort of apology. So he had to be let go, though that truly broke my heart. Now there is this fellow... and perhaps I'm just wary bc I'm coming out of the first situation, however I just don't feel strongly about the new fellow.

I'm honest with this guy. He knows I'm not interested in grand overtures. He's verbally over-the-top and a bit of a rogue, but his manners are kind and he's actually on the shy, introverted side. Some of the things he says are a bit intense/persistent, though. He makes no secret about his desired end game. It's a little funny, but also a bit too much for the pace I prefer (which is super slow).

So I'm asking... what would you do with a persistent person like this one?

[Finchie40]

The best thing you can do is just treat him as a friend and talk to him like you talk to your friends’ period. without trying to mislead him any way , because his intentions is more than likely trying to be more than just friends’ with you if he is consistently investing a lot of his time into you , so to put a stop to that , you are best to say something that makes it clear, that you aren’t interested in him in that way , say something like you met a guy that you really like and ask him if he thinks your hair and make up look nice , or is the outfit you are wearing look good enough for your date with this imaginary guy lol yes you are going to have to fib a little , but that will at least let him know he doesn’t have a chance with you and hopefully make him back off from you , unless you want to straight out hurt his feelings and tell him the truth , that you only like him as a friend and that’s it , so that’s up to you , I know lying is wrong , but sometimes you have to lie when things like this happen , otherwise they are going to continue thinking they have a chance with you , I am friends’ with some girls’ that showed interest in me that I wasn’t interested in them in that way , but I like my friendship with them , so to not mislead them in anyway , I told them fibs to make it clear I was interested in someone else , without hurting their feelings , even though there wasn’t anyone else , it works for the most part. Your friendship with that person might die down some or completely , so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t buy you coffee anymore lol , because once he realizes he doesn’t have a chance with you , he might stop being extra friendly to you , but it’s better than giving hi
hope , that he still may have a chance with you , I hope that helps you

[DishLady]

Already done. It’s why I’m calling him my PERSISTENT friend.

I guess he figures he’ll wear me down.

[Finchie40]

He probably figures he still has a chance to be honest , that’s why it ‘s best to make things clear to him that he doesn’t , otherwise he is going to keep being persistent, hoping you eventually change your mind or have a change of heart. So unfortunately you are probably going to have to hurt his feelings in some way , to get him to stop , by telling him the truth that he doesn’t have a chance with you whatsoever. Sadly some people do not know how to take a hint that someone is not interested in them , I dealt with similar shit with some of my girl friends’ that I just liked as friends’ that didn’t take no for an answer , to the point i had enough , and had to straight out tell them they don’t have a chance with me whatsoever, I have a friendly personality that unfortunately makes girls’ think I am flirting with them when really I am not in some cases lol , it’s just who I am as a person but when someone doesn’t take No for an answer , it kind of gets under my skin to the point i have no other choice but to straight out tell them they don’t stand a chance , I don’t like being rude , but sadly sometimes I have to , when they don’t understand the word No , even after I said No , some of them still pursued me and then started stalking me , which was creepy as shit. Leaving me letters in my mail box or showing up to places I was at , like it was a coincidence that they showed up the same time I was there. The one girl I had to call the cops on because she was not taking No for an answer whatsoever, I told her I was seeing someone and she didn’t care whatsoever , it was like it went in one ear out the other. She was stalking me and it creeped me out big time , I had no other choice but to call the cops because anything I said to her went in one ear out the other.

[DishLady]

Well I’ve been clear….

[Finchie40]

Than you should hopefully be ok then , just giving advice

[OlderAndWiser]

Start mentioning another guy in whom you are interested. It may be perceived as cruel, but I’m not sure he’ll listen to anything else that you say.

[DishLady]

Meh. I don't like to lie.

[Abbycado]

I had that happen my senior year of high school. Ugh, it was annoying. After breaking up with my boyfriend my junior year because he went across the country for college, and I had a year left, I decided no dating until I am in college.

There was a guy that just would not quit trying to get me to go out. It was painfully annoying until I just had to put my foot down.

[DishLady]

Did he finally stop?

[Abbycado]

Thankfully, yes. At first, I was polite. Then I just really had to get, not mean per se, but firm.

[DishLady]

I *am* firm. He's not a bad guy, but I have to tell him to be prepared to behave himself if we're going to continue seeing eo (as friends). It's like he's not hearing me.

[Abbycado]

Oh, God. That is supreme annoying. Once I put my foot down, this dude stopped.

[WhitneySnow]

Tell him straight up you’re not into him

[BadApple69]

It sounds like you like the bad boys but you know they are bad for you. But this guy isn’t bad. If you hang out with him, after a while he will grow on you. If you don’t want that to happen then you need to start limiting your exposer to him.

[worldscolide]

I'm a straight shooter. Last time this happened to me I sat down with them and said "I'm just not into you like that. It's time you move on"

[Iyaelsorai]

Well, I'm a guy, so what works for me probably doesn't work for you..

✅ F*ck
❌ Marry
❌ Kill

🤣

[DishLady]

Hmm. Those are the only options? Lol

[exitseven]

That is a tough situation. I would not want to hurt them or lie about it. I once told a girl that I loved her but not in the way that I was supposed to.

[Staximus]

Stop engaging if you want him to back off. Sounds like you preferred the guy before who was more of a piece of shit. Maybe you should think about resolving that issue.