Is there anything inherently wrong with pursuing a girl you like?

[Anonymous]

[There_Is_Rehab]

Do you think that parenting and schooling have negatively affected you, in relevant ways? It's not... it's not correct to be asking permission to interact with a person. And forcing yourself to be different will not work.

For this reason, you must first fix a few things to ensure that you do not just jump in and autistically text her back "I LIKED YOU LET'S DATE!!!" Even if she tolerates that, you will ruin it within the relationship in another way soon after. It is not ok to suffer so much that you ask this question, if you suffer that much you will screw just as much beyond this stage.

Look. I just had sexual thoughts about a normally dressed woman in a sweater. Well ok she wore leather pants. But it really makes 0 difference, truly. While sexuality is not evil, I wondered what the hell makes me lust without even getting to know her first and not even having picnics with her. It really does not make any sense in evolutionary biology to screw someone you don't know as a person. Therefore paralyzing stutter-causing desires before then are 100% trauma coping. Horndog or anti horndog, all compulsions and phobias are a mask for a deeper trauma underneath. For me, being forbidden to be friends with girls in childhood. Now instead of an urge "let's be friends" it turned into "let's fuck, otherwise we have nothing in common."

I don't distract myself from them because that would be repression and even more trauma on top. I used to do that forever. Just earlier this year I posted about toxic repression. But now instead i feel as much pain as i can while focusing on the urge and ask what trauma caused it. What is the urge trying to cover up. And it surfaced many memories of being made to regret having female friends in childhood. And i label them "wrong".

It is wrong to forbid children to be friends with opposite gender. Doesn't matter if the whole neighborhood are 100% pedophiles to the last person, in such a situation the parent must relocate and find a safe neighborhood.

I am saying this because objective morality is an absolutely necessary part in stopping traumas. As long as you try to grieve using "the neighborhood was dangerous and full of sin, my parents were right to be worried, but i should drop the armor now" --- then you are still planting a seed into yourself that such segregation is ok given some circumstances. And you will likely unintentionally reinflict this onto other children unnecessarily because it actually still keeps a trauma of "i endured such a bad neighborhood". You should instead grieve it with "this segregation was wrong. Period." And feel the heartbreak of it. As strongly as possible.

Whatever your trauma was, I bet it is something similar. Once you hammer it in into the frozen fragment of your psyche that talking to women is ok, you won't act autistic around them anymore. And until you combine this voluntary shameless heartbreak with objective morality, all other methodologies will keep harming you, creating more traumas on top while you are broken into pieces inside.

Similarly if you struggle letting go of a person, it might be because your parent abandoned you and told that it's no big deal that you have to stay helpless and alone for a whole day. Even if they validate you without co-regulation (you can see it is a fake "I'm so sorry" while their voice is dripping contempt) decades later you are a clinger and being rejected feels worse than being crucified.

Many of these traumas coexist and pile on together. You have to willingly feel the feeling of heartbreak without blame or shame but using the heart ache in place of where blame usually goes. When you feel tormented beyond a regular expected amount of pain when a distant friend cuts contact, if it's just lethal for you to lose a friend, feel the torment as strongly as possible and ask yourself "is this actually a childhood trauma?" And it is always one. Allow yourself to be in as much pain as there is to be in when considering how immoral it is to 1) abandon a child and 2) invalidate the child's pain.

My self-proclaimed mental illness seems to be getting better after doing this. Heart ache is all there is to healing. Feel it over every "imperfect memory" you have and all intrusive thoughts will stop. Use it on the intrusive thoughts (that includes the dark "what if i stab someone with this fork" fears, as well anxious overthinking of any sort) use the heart ache, and, for me it helps uncover and grieve the underlying trauma, like being poked and me pretending it didn't hurt.

Many people have the heart-feelings intact. Many don't. Problem is most people see your weird behavior and call you stupid for asking such a question. They think you lack intelligence. The truth is that they lack intelligence. It is really elementary. Everyone who ever in the world asks "can I ask her out" is 100% traumatized in multiple ways simultaneously and it is not an iq or brain health issue.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if you don't understand WHY you like her. Some guys who like a woman enough to pursue her think that was organic. No sir, there's a high probability she put that in your head. Only pursue a woman that has EARNED that right from you 👍💯

[Nikki1989]

How is this even a question, especially at your age?

[Alex-Snow]

Not at all... why do u ask?

[Asker]

If a girl is 21 you can ask her out on a date?

[Alex-Snow]

Of course.. go for it

[Asker]

Are you saying that guys ask 21 year old girls out on dates?

[Alex-Snow]

Of course

[FrodoSkywalker007]

No? Why would there be?

[Asker]

So if a girl that I used to work with who I liked texted me out of nowhere I could ask her out?

[exitseven]

I think that is the way it works.

[Anonymous]

Other than the legal issues no

[Asker]

So if a girl that I used to work with who I liked texted me out of nowhere I could ask her out?

[Opinion Owner]

Keep it friendly, legally she has to ask you out these days

[Siajanua2027]

No, of course, not

[Asker]

So if a girl that I used to work with who I liked texted me out of nowhere I could ask her out?

[Siajanua2027]

By all means

[canamlusciouslad73]

NO !!!

[Asker]

So if a girl that I used to work with who I liked texted me out of nowhere I could ask her out?