I'm dating a DRAMA QUEEN--what would you suggest?

[slowtaking]

So I've finally become exclusive with this lovely drama queen that I was dating for about 2 months. We've been a couple for a month now and the drama just doesn't stop! I think I am getting used to it, and learning to tolerate it. But I would like it to subside a little bit. How can I do that without upsetting her? I know she wants me to let her be herself. And that's cool for the most part, I really like who she is. But I can only handle so much in the long term, I think.

Another worry of mine, is that she's always contradicting herself regarding how she feels about me. She'll always tell me that she "needs" me" and thinks about me "all the time" and that I can't let go of her. But then again she always brings up that she's too dramatic for me, that maybe I can't handle her (I can so far) or question my affection for her, as if I don't really care for her (I do). She also says she can't feel it, that she feels as if I am far away.

Another point, she is completely hung up on my ex-gf. I don't even mention her, but she always brings her up, accusing me of still being in love with her. I always play it down and say no, that was one year ago. It is true that I treated her well, probably went overboard, and have toned down now. My current lady is a complete stalker, going through all my online photo albums (I have a lot) and even going so far as to download pictures of my ex to her phone, just to bring up to me later to accuse me about something. At this point, I just laugh it off and tell her not to worry, "you are the one I want". I also tell her you should probably stop looking at my ex's photos, but she can't help it.

Despite this girl being a stalker and very dramatic, I like her a lot. I am learning to brush it off and go with the flow/let it pass. But I would like her to tone down a little bit, and figure out what she means with the mixed signals. We go from hot to cold a lot. I would like to maintain a steady warmth, which I've always been capable of.

What would you suggest?

[Anonymous]

I am so glad I read your post...because it seriously helps me to see better from a man's perspective. All the people telling you to dump her are looking at the relationship through their eyes, not yours. You obviously feel some magic with this chick. (I am speaking on her behalf, since I am very much like this girl!) We tend to be opinionated, and territorial. She has a connection with you and doesn't want to share it..because she wants you all herslef. The hot and cold is her way of dealing with it. She tries to blow things off that get to her, and not care as much as she does, so she goes cold. That is her way of self preservation. You have to ask yourself a few questions to get to the answer you are looking for. First, is there any possibility you could be directly or indirectly doing things to make her insecure? (It may be insecurity on her terms, not yours, because your expectations are different..and you aren't on the same page yet) Secondly,is she worth the drama? I think you already know the answer..to you she is, so screw everyone who tells you to dump her. They don't have the relationship with her, you do.

If she is violent..she clearly needs help, but that is not the picture I get. I think you have a girl who really cares for you deeply..and if you cheated, it would do 2 things to her, that would break her down. It would kill her ego...and maybe she likes that...You are a guy, so try to respect a girls ego. Secondly, IT WOULD BREAK HER HEART. This is where the unexplained contradictions come in to play. SHE WANTS to go further in the relationship, but tests you to see how much you really do care, because she is really unsure of your feelings, and doesn't want her heart broken. I hope that helps! I also hope you both get what you want and deserve.

[udolipixie]

How can I do that without upsetting her?

Probably by spend less time with her since if you're not with her you're not with the drama. I'm not seeing a way to tell her to subside a little bit since she's a drama queen, you stated she wants to be free to be herself, and many don't take it well when after becoming exclusive their partner wants to change them in fact calling it "bait and switch".



What would you suggest?

I suggest perhaps trying prostitutes as it's possible you like her for her looks, the quality/quantity of sex, or her catering to your ego be it with cooking for you or cleaning after you. In my experience most guys in this drama queen scenario tend to be so because the gal is hot, the sex is hot, and she's an ego boost.

"Another point, she is completely hung up on my ex-gf...It is true that I treated her well, probably went overboard, and have toned down now. "

Perhaps she's hung up on your ex-gf because she perceives you treated the ex far better. No different than a boyfriend being hung up on his girlfriend sexually past with various guys when she won't do the same things with him. For some it feels as if they've been shortchanged.

[Coffinspire]

She sounds like she's afraid to get hurt. I wouldn't worry so much about the stalking your ex thing because I still do that even after me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years lol (not really stalking but I check up on his exes now and then because some of them still try to talk to him) Also, she sounds very skeptical or like she's been abandoned a lot in her life so all I can say is in time she will be reassured that you truly care. I mean you've only been dating for 2 months and that's not reassuring, probably at about 6 months she'll calm down.

It's good that you're being a trooper and showing her you really care because that's what won me over with my current bf.

[Frostie]

I stopped after half a paragraph; thus far my advice is to find a girl more mature and grown up. I'm hoping she isn't in high school or isn't in the said age group you classified yourself in-assuming your age is correct. If the prior, find more mature women. If older, she isn't worth more than a one night stand. Drama queens are seeking approval, attention and care. They cry wolf at every turn. You can't trust them because they are like parasites that feed on your reactions to their made up "play". How you behave can lead to a fight or something else in her mind. Probably nothing beneficial to you. If you aren't happy, don't "tolerate" the problem.You are only causing yourself pain, and breaking your own boundaries. For your own mental health, valued time, and other things we all tend to value, move on. *Continuing on reading*

A girl who contradicts herself, is essentially a girl who is playing games, lies, and does not care outside her own well being, a red flag to run the f*** away. As said in the prior paragraph. *Continuing reading*

Haha... sorry. This girl you are 'in love with', is an airhead, or an emotional vampire, perhaps both. Reminds me of my ex's *shiver*.

Brings up your Ex. Yeah this relationship does not exist, your "girlfriend" is insecure, and has no confidence. I think the most self loathing personality has more self confidence than her. I'm going to stop reading here, this is without point. Kick her to the curb.

[Frostie]

Let me clarfiy, Dude, you ain't "liking her" your infatuated with her. When that sh*t is gone, and you have to deal with her inner Neurotic self, you'll hate life and end up in a divorce, assuming it even manages to last past a month give or take.

[rocksongwriter]

After reading this, I think I want to date a comedy queen.

[prophecy]

she's not the problem, you are. I'm more concerned about you and your low standards.

why would you even wanna be with a crazy head like her? you were dating her for 2 months and you saw that she's crazy and instead getting rid of her, oh no, you actually got yourself into serious relationship with this lunatic? how pathetic is that?

you wanna fix something that's unfixable, and if you think you can fix it then you're delusional.

the question here is are you prepared to stand all this crap just for some good moments here and there. probably not.

you're just wasting your time, nothing else. drop her and get yourself someone who's not crazy.

[slowtaking]

there are two problems: the sex and the conversations. both the best I've had in my life with a woman. she also cooks, gives killer massages, is fun, and brings me nice gifts and food all the time. but yeah, that drama...

[prophecy]

then stop wasting your time and find someone who's on the same level when it comes to sex and conversation, but is relatively normal.

stop this madness.

[nbbrown6]

just curious...what is she besides a drama queen? you say you really like who she is, but in my experience drama queens are just that...drama queens. nothing comes out of them but problems. I am not trying to be mean or insult your girlfriend but I have to be brutally honest with you...she IS NOT going to change! Seriously, this is who she is and if you really think you love her then buckle down because you have a long road ahead of you.

[acka72]

Lol! Couldn't have said it better.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a very insecure person. Its good that you can laugh it off now, probably because you are in the early stage of your relationship. Down the track this might become a toxic negative relationship.

But because you have strong feelings for her, you need to stand up to her. You need to get angry at her next time she accuses you of loving you're ex. If you continue to let her get away with it, she will continue to behave this way. Tell her that she is acting like a crazy stalker! You need to be honest with her :-) that's my opinion anyways...

[acka72]

You aré probably one of those men who are addicted to drama and who look for drama queens to spice up their boring lives. It's OK with a little bit of drama but if her jealousy goes overboard and she begins to loose respect for you and treat you like crap you should leave her or make it clear that type of behavior is a deal breaker.

[htarmort13]

Good luck. I hope your marriage and baby came out OK. If not, I am sure you have to forward to a divorce. You ain't going to change her and I hope the best for you guys. It sounds so funny but sad at the same time.

[KingsOfleon88]

You used one word you shouldn't have. Tolerance. Tolerance generally leads to hate, and it's inevitable that you will hate it and the relationship.

[Happy-Plum-Pants]

Tolerance, in his case, means, he's settling

[Prettygurl12]

I would suggest breaking up...she sounds unstable. If something bothers you about the person you're seeing, that's always a red flag and should be addressed, not ignored.

[Anonymous]

i don't trust those kind of grls. my ex best friend was like that and she was toxic. not a healthy relationship at all. those kinds of people are selfish and insecure deep down and like to be vindictive.

[EmpressMe]

Honestly, I'd suggest moving on and maybe coming back in the future if she gets over her unnecessary dramatic attitude and insecurity.

[toulouse]

what do you like about her exactly? if she's irrational how do you even know who she even?

[slowtaking]

for starters, physically she is perfect. incredible sex. great conversations, a lot of fun. I listed some other stuff below. she also has her own style/taste/flair. she's got that spunk that is hard to find in a girl here in china. I don't understand your second question.

[toulouse]

the second question is. ;'drama queen' is generally used to indicate a person who has no sense of proportion. is psychotic or delusional. if she's out of touch with reality. you can not really know her.

perhaps you are being dramatic- exaggerate- when you call her a drama queen. wouldn't it just be easier to sort out your problems. since you like her. instead of insulting her integrity to strangers.

you should be talking to her about this. if you doubt her judgement, then why are you with her.

[temptationfalls]

Talk to her about this. Props to you man. I would have left her a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, you can't change her. Either you decide she's worth it and put up with her craziness or you leave her. I personally would advise leaving her but its your life and your decision.

[MusicLover246]

Start acting like her so she knows how it feels and then when she asks why you are being like that tell her you are just doing to her what she is doing to you

[Anonymous]

You're a better man then me. There is no way that I could put up with this and I always make it clear that I expect someone I date to tell me stuff! I am not a mind reader.

[Vandal]

Sounds like a ticking time bomb to me.

Staying with her may well cost you your sanity in the long run.

[sb-xxx]

she sounds like way to much work... relationships shouldn't feel like work... id say ditch her..

[6Paul11]

Don't date a drama queen.

[tomfeltonforever]

She doesn't sound fun. Date someone fun!

[Yeahhbro]

get your ass from there as fast as possible

[jokersgirl]

This is simple... don't date her!