Any tips on how to handle this situation?

[Anonymous]

So I've became good friends with this girl at my job ( 9 years older ) and she has been working there longer than me. When she first heard about the news she said she was proud of me, but now I've been getting this weird vibe from her.
So when she found out that our boss recommended me to take their management classes to become a manager, I said yes ( and this was offered during my 8th month of working there ) she chose me because I agreed to work full time ( even though I applied to work part time ), I always said yes to work on days even though it's a off day, I always took extra shifts, I said yes when asked to go to another company to help them out for a day ( that day I worked a double shift for 12 hours, 8 am to 8 pm ). So my boss just thought I would be perfect for the position and before I started working there my ex his words forever haunts me into thinking I can't do nothing for myself so of course I said yes when offered and seeing my boyfriend, family, friends, co-workers, being excited for me. I just thought things will go perfect but today, I saw different side of my friend and she was just giving me this weird ugly stare while I was explaining something to her, and she keeps saying " oh I forgot you were still trying to become manager " or " we're all replaceable except for Sam, the managers and boss loves her "
I honestly just don't know what to say or do.

Updates

1 y

Sorry if this seems so long.

[zeitgeist057]

This is a great opportunity for you as you move into a leadership role! My first piece of advice is don't just listen to me, get lots of different perspectives on this, including professional ones. You can take leadership and management courses for free on linkedin learning as long as your local library has an account, and you have a library card. If not, ask your library about seeking a membership, it's a great resource for your local community!

The way I as a leader would personally handle this is to ask my friend/coworker to come have a coffee or lunch with me, my treat, in order to discuss this vibe you're getting from her. Be prepared, as it sounds like there may be some emotional outbursts during this, and it's important to remember to stay calm, caring, and keep yourself open to hearing what is going on underneath. My first theory is that your friend is feeling 'disposable' and stressing about her self worth comparing herself to you.

I would have a few bullet points in mind talking to her:

* I want to talk with you because I'm moving towards a new role (management) at our company, and when you said 'we're all replaceable except for Sam, the managers and boss love her', I felt like you're not happy for me.

* I consider you a friend, I don't think of you as 'replaceable', and if you're interested in becoming a manager yourself, my experience in becoming a manager might be a good resource to help you reach that goal.

* If/when I become your manager, I am hoping I can count on you to support me, rather than sabotage me. (also helpful is this article on Managing the Insubordinate Employee) Be clear and honest that there will be a new dynamic when you are her manager rather than a co-worker, but that you will have her best interests in mind as well as your goals as a manager. (since there could be conflicts such as your friend expecting to do less work because the manager is her friend; this is a BAD dynamic to support)

* I want to be the best manager I can be, and that means listening to concerns and complaints of those I manage. I want our workplace to be better because of my influence, and I want to solve problems.

My guess is that just opening up the conversation with her will provide a great deal of information and she is wanting to talk to you about this, and sharing her fears and frustrations with you can help you strengthen your bond both as friends and as coworkers. My one warning to you is that there is definitely a different dynamic as a manager and it's best not to promise special treatment, that's unprofessional. I would also suggest (depending on the size of your company) that you also have similar meetings with other employees, it can be as informal as a coffee or snack in your office, while you get to know the employee and ask about their personal goals, as well as find out if they have any concerns, complaints or improvement ideas regarding the workplace.

[Avicenna]

Just ignore it for now