How do I handle this situation?

[Anonymous]

My ex long distance boyfriend lives in a city and I was just given a great job opportunity in the same city. It would be a big move. But over double my current salary with the chance to move remote after a while.

Our relationship didn’t end well. He ended it with me and I took it pretty hard.

I’m in a much better place but if I take the job I don’t want him to think I’m following him…. I don’t want to get back together- I blocked him after everything to fully move on.

What should I do? / if you found that out about your ex that they moved to where you are would you see that as weird?

[Anonymous]

Give it a try. ﾠ

[Anonymous]

Here are my recommendations for how to handle this situation:

• Take the job if it is the right opportunity for you career-wise, regardless of where your ex lives. You should not pass up a good job opportunity just to avoid being in the same city as an ex.

• Do not mention anything to your ex about the move or new job until after you've moved and started working. There is no need to give him a heads up.

• If you run into him after moving, simply greet him cordially but briefly and make it clear you are not moving there for him. You can say something like "It's nice to see you. This job was too good to pass up, but I'm definitely moving on with my life." Keep it short and casual.

• Remind yourself that you moved for yourself and your career, not for him. You have your own life to live separate from your history together.

• Focus on establishing your new life and meeting new people in the city. Do not let your ex's presence disrupt your progress. You have moved on.

• If he implies you moved to be closer to him, simply shut down that assumption politely but firmly. Make it clear you are living your own life now. You do not owe him any explanations.

• Ultimately, try not to overthink what your ex may think about the move. You need to do what's right for you and your future, regardless of his potential reactions. Stay confident and move forward!

In summary, take the job opportunity if it truly makes sense for your career goals. Do not let worries about your ex influence such an important life decision. With time and distance, he will likely realize you moved on your own terms. Focus on establishing your new, independent life - you've got this!

are my recommendations for how to handle this situation:

• Take the job if it is the right opportunity for you career-wise, regardless of where your ex lives. You should not pass up a good job opportunity just to avoid being in the same city as an ex.

• Do not mention anything to your ex about the move or new job until after you've moved and started working. There is no need to give him a heads up.

• If you run into him after moving, simply greet him cordially but briefly and make it clear you are not moving there for him. You can say something like "It's nice to see you. This job was too good to pass up, but I'm definitely moving on with my life." Keep it short and casual.

• Remind yourself that you moved for yourself and your career, not for him. You have your own life to live separate from your history together.

• Focus on establishing your new life and meeting new people in the city. Do not let your ex's presence disrupt your progress. You have moved on.

• If he implies you moved to be closer to him, simply shut down that assumption politely but firmly. Make it clear you are living your own life now. You do not owe him any explanations.

• Ultimately, try not to overthink what your ex may think about the move. You need to do what's right for you and your future, regardless of his potential reactions. Stay confident and move forward!

In summary, take the job opportunity if it truly makes sense for your career goals. Do not let worries about your ex influence such an important life decision. With time and distance, he will likely realize you moved on your own terms. Focus on establishing your new, independent life - you've got this!

are my recommendations for how to handle this situation:

• Take the job if it is the right opportunity for you career-wise, regardless of where your ex lives. You should not pass up a good job opportunity just to avoid being in the same city as an ex.

• Do not mention anything to your ex about the move or new job until after you've moved and started working. There is no need to give him a heads up.

• If you run into him after moving, simply greet him cordially but briefly and make it clear you are not moving there for him. You can say something like "It's nice to see you. This job was too good to pass up, but I'm definitely moving on with my life." Keep it short and casual.

• Remind yourself that you moved for yourself and your career, not for him. You have your own life to live separate from your history together.

• Focus on establishing your new life and meeting new people in the city. Do not let your ex's presence disrupt your progress. You have moved on.

• If he implies you moved to be closer to him, simply shut down that assumption politely but firmly. Make it clear you are living your own life now. You do not owe him any explanations.

• Ultimately, try not to overthink what your ex may think about the move. You need to do what's right for you and your future, regardless of his potential reactions. Stay confident and move forward!

In summary, take the job opportunity if it truly makes sense for your career goals. Do not let worries about your ex influence such an important life decision. With time and distance, he will likely realize you moved on your own terms. Focus on establishing your new, independent life - you've got this!

[BasedBaeBecca]

It's understandable that you're concerned about seeming like you're following your ex around, given the context of your past relationship and breakup. However, you also don't want to miss out on a great opportunity just because of what he could potentially think.

If you're ready to move forward and move to another city and you're doing it for your own personal growth and success, there's nothing wrong with that. If your ex has negative thoughts or assumptions about your choices, that's on him and not on you. Do what feels right for you and focus on yourself and your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

His opinion determines whether or not you take an amazing job opportunity? Don’t even take it there, love. If you’ve blocked him on everything there’s no way for him to know anyway, but even if he did, it’s just none of his business. Focus on yourself.

[Asker]

We have a lot of mutual friends and he keeps up with me through them- which is super annoying. I don’t tell them things but they see things I post.

I guess I’m just a little too worried about what people think and if they will think I am following him but if I go I do not plan to let him know or have anything to do with him.

Thanks for the advice!

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve been there before with the whole mutual friends thing, my ex and I were in the same friend group so I know it can be tricky. You just have to tell yourself you can’t worry about him. You may not be able to control his interactions with your friends but you decide whether or not he has direct access to you, and I personally blocked every opportunity he could find.

[Asker]

Thanks! That is great to hear and makes me feel so much better! Our relationship was pretty toxic and I’m so glad to be away from him and just don’t want to open any of that back up!

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t blame you, that initial concern can be inevitable. But this is a great opportunity, you’d definitely regret not taking it on his behalf. And no problem! Congratulations and good luck☺️

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my recommendations for how to handle this situation:

• Take the job if it is the right opportunity for you career-wise, regardless of where your ex lives. You should not pass up a good job opportunity just to avoid being in the same city as an ex.

• Do not mention anything to your ex about the move or new job until after you've moved and started working. There is no need to give him a heads up.

• If you run into him after moving, simply greet him cordially but briefly and make it clear you are not moving there for him. You can say something like "It's nice to see you. This job was too good to pass up, but I'm definitely moving on with my life." Keep it short and casual.

• Remind yourself that you moved for yourself and your career, not for him. You have your own life to live separate from your history together.

• Focus on establishing your new life and meeting new people in the city. Do not let your ex's presence disrupt your progress. You have moved on.

• If he implies you moved to be closer to him, simply shut down that assumption politely but firmly. Make it clear you are living your own life now. You do not owe him any explanations.

• Ultimately, try not to overthink what your ex may think about the move. You need to do what's right for you and your future, regardless of his potential reactions. Stay confident and move forward!

In summary, take the job opportunity if it truly makes sense for your career goals. Do not let worries about your ex influence such an important life decision. With time and distance, he will likely realize you moved on your own terms. Focus on establishing your new, independent life - you've got this!

[gorydetails]

He's an ex. If you moved on then you have no contact with him. You'd be a fool not to take the job.

[Jmmmfi4]

How would he even know