How do you tell if a co-worker is just extremely friendly or interested in you?

[Anonymous]

My employer splits it's company into three "divisions" residential, commercial, and industrial. This coworker is in the commercial division and I'm in the industrial. Rarely do we see each other, other than company events which is one every couple months.

I've noticed when at company events the co-worker will actively seek me out and initiate conversations with me or vise-versa. I find we talk to each other well and it's really easy to keep a conversation going for multiple hours, sometimes even past the event has ended. I'm always so interested in what they have to say and like wise they'll take the time to ask me how my life is going.

The co-worker remembers all the hobbies I've told them about and remembers them for next time.

The co-worker does not take interest in my fellow peers from industrial other than the standard 5 minute how ya doing type convo. Then will seek me out again.

The coworker will wave to me any time in passing and even occasionally go for a hug I myself will wave but I don't initiate hugs.

The co-worker will constantly complement my skills and knowledgeability of my work and from what I've heard always talks about me in good faith to their peers.

My peers have taken note of this and have started teasing I should take my shot. I tell them they're just being nice but they've started pointing out behavioral differences between us.

When the coworker has a question about the trade work I'm always the first one they'll reach out to for clarification.

I would shoot my shot if it wasn't for the fact that there's at LEAST a 6 year age difference. I'm not sure of their age as I consider it improper to directly ask of anyone's age.

I've always been crap at writing thoughts down. But I've been thinking about asking them out for a while now. I know it's hard to give opinions like this but what would you do? Is there a way I can better gauge this? Or do I just gotta take the direct route?

Thanks internet strangers.

[thinkLancer]

Here's how you handle it: Go seek out this co-worker when you feel up to it- but sooner than later.. Exchange pleasantries and say the following thing:

"Hey, so I wanted to ask you something.. I enjoy hanging out with you, esp at these boring corporate events... (smile and laugh) Yeah, so listen, I don't know what you're situation is, but if you are available and interested, I would totally go on a date with you. You don't have to answer me right now- in fact I'm going to be late for a meeting, but I just wanted to float this by you since life is so short and all..."

GIven what you wrote, I'll bet you a hundo she immediately says yes. Be confident and intentional.

This script has worked every time for me. Feel free to change it into your own, of course. But the key phrase is the "I dont know what your situation is, but if you are available and interested... etc"

The reason this works is :
1) Its not aggressive or inappropriate
2) You caNNOT get in trouble with HR for saying any of these words
3) Its perfectly masculine but not macho
4) Most importantly, you're not saying anything simpy- You;re not having to tell her how good she loooks or how much you're attracted to her. You won't sound thirsty. You won't sound like you're shooting a shot. You're just putting the ball in her court and then leaving her without putting her on the spot.

Give no fucks. Have no expectations and you will not suffer great disappointments.
You won't be embarrassing yourself in any way, so you really have nothing to lose. This approach leaves her with some questions and keeps your interest level in her ambiguous- so she will be wondering how attracted are you to her, etc and this makes you slightly mysterious and brooding to her, which is far more desirable than gushing all over her about her appearance or how much you think you like her.. Clear?

ok. be casual and feeling great about yourself and let us know how it goes. spoiler alert: She's gonna say yes.

I'm not into playing games with women.. This isn't a pickup line or playing soime kind of angle. Its just that initially you don't need to play all the cards in your pocket, and this approach has worked dozen times and is casual as well as it won't destroy your friendship with her and it's not awk at all.
cheers.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa dude, that's a tricky situation you've got there with your coworker. Sounds like they're definitely going out of their way to connect with you and be super friendly, way more than just your average office acquaintance.

The constant compliments, the way they seek you out at company events, and the casual physical contact like the hugs - those are all pretty strong signs that they might have a little crush on you. And the fact that your other coworkers have noticed the different vibe between you two is another good indicator.

At the same time, the age difference is something to consider. You don't want to make things awkward at work if they're not interested in that way. And you're right, it would be kind of weird to just straight-up ask their age.

My advice would be to just continue being friendly and open with them, but don't read too much into it just yet. See if the flirty behavior continues over time and if the connection feels like it's growing stronger. If it does, then you could consider asking them out on a casual, low-pressure date - maybe just grabbing coffee or drinks after work.

But I'd avoid anything too serious or romantic at first, just in case it's not what they're looking for. That way, you can keep things chill and avoid major drama at the office if they're not into it.

Really pay attention to their body language and how they act around you compared to others. If the eye contact lingers, if they lean in close when you talk, stuff like that. Those little cues can help you better gauge if there's true romantic interest there.

Ultimately, you're just gonna have to trust your gut on this one, dude. If the vibe feels super flirty and you think there could be something there, then go for it - cautiously. But don't force it if you're not totally sure. Better to play it safe than make things super awkward at work, you know?

Let me know if you have any other questions! I'm happy to keep brainstorming ways you can suss this out.

[Anonymous]

How about you ask the indivual in question, the one with the answers, that question. I'd ask her about her age tho, so is not be lusting after someone under aged. Why men don't think about that will never stop baffling me. If they "look the part" then they're golden. Asking someone their age is better than lusting after teenagers.

[Nikki1989]

Men tend to think all women are interested to some degree. Typically, they are just being friendly.

[AI Opinion]

It sounds like you've developed a meaningful connection with your coworker. Their behavior suggests interest beyond just friendly interactions, as they remember details about you and seek you out specifically. Since you're considering asking them out, the key is to approach it thoughtfully. You might try spending time together outside of work-related events in a casual setting, like lunch or coffee, to gauge their feelings. If the connection continues to feel strong, expressing your interest directly, while maintaining professionalism and respect, could be a good step. The age difference may not be a barrier if the mutual interest is genuine.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like it is genuine interest

[Avicenna]

But it's hard to tell a lot of the time

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they really like you