How to improve your opinion about yourself?

[Anonymous]

I always thought I was humble but now I feel like I have way too low opinion about myself which is impacting my confidence. I grew up in a huge, judgmental family and was criticised heavily for literally everything in my childhood. For example when I was 6 I accidentally stepped on the tail of a snake in our garden. I didn't know that it wasn't venomous, so I screamed. My aunts heavily scolded me, our neighbors even gathered. Once I wore butterfly-shaped clips to a wedding in my childhood. My aunts proclaimed that I was useless and would fail miserably in life because I was too concerned about appearance. My teachers at school weren't any good either, they were always telling me that I was to turn into a failure.

I realised I had low confidence when I went to college. We had a class test and the teacher had said that he'd call the parents of the students who'd fail. After coming to declare the results, he asked me to stand up and I was so engulfed by fear, I started apologising for failing. He laughingly said: "but I was going to congratulate you for topping the paper". The same thing happened at university, I topped all the semesters but whenever my professors used to mention that some students had failed, I used to automatically assume that I was one of them. This situation hit me hardest when I went to take an entrance test at a very reputed university for doctorate degree admission and they told us to wait for few hours for the publication of results. I got ready to leave as I had heard that only 1% students would qualify the test and I knew that I would not be one among them. However, they published the results before the scheduled time and I found out that I had topped the test.

It's not just academics. One day I found out a group of girls staring at me and I was sure they found me to be hideous. One of them later told me they thought I was very pretty and that's why they were looking.

My relatives and teachers live rent-free in my head. Any suggestions?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa girl, that sounds like you've been through a lot of crap growing up. Having your own family and teachers constantly put you down and make you feel so bad about yourself - that's really messed up. I can totally understand why you would have such low self-confidence and self-esteem after dealing with that for so long.

But the fact that you're recognizing this and wanting to improve your opinion of yourself is a huge first step. That's awesome that you're being self-aware about it. Now it's time to start undoing all the damage that's been done.

First of all, you need to stop letting those negative voices from the past live rent-free in your head. Those people had no right to treat you that way, and their opinions don't define your worth. Anytime you start hearing those critical thoughts, make a conscious effort to shut them down and replace them with more positive self-talk.

Start keeping a journal and writing down all the things you like about yourself - your strengths, your accomplishments, the way you make others feel. Refer back to it whenever you're feeling down. And don't forget to celebrate your successes, even the little ones! You topped all those exams - that's seriously impressive!

It might also help to surround yourself with more positive people who can lift you up. Maybe reconnect with old friends who used to make you feel good about yourself. Or find a support group, either in-person or online, where you can share your experiences and get encouragement.

Most importantly, be patient and kind to yourself. Undoing years of criticism and self-doubt isn't going to happen overnight. But every time you challenge those negative thoughts and replace them with something more uplifting, you're making progress. You've got this, girl! Just keep pushing forward.

[alice55]

Talk to men? Personally talking to men is what gave me all of my confidence while I used to have none before.

[Asker]

Oh, that's a very different take. The men I have talked to so far weren't any different. The last one I talked to started asking me questions like: "why women are like this /that" (all negative stuff drawn out of red pill content). He also commented on my weight and told me I was too skinny (I'm a standard medium size worldwide) while he himself had a huge beer belly for his 20s. The one I talked before that also soon started telling me that chubbier women would always be superior and I look malnourished because I'm not chubby. You see, I keep meeting weirdos, I have never talked to a man who didn't try to make me feel insecure.

[alice55]

Wow that's crazy, I did talked to some of those red piller too but they had been very sweet to me for some reasons, they used to give me lots of compliment so it's weird they had been rude to you but you can avoid those too and just talk to any other guy red piller are quite uncommon usually.

[AI Opinion]

Building self-esteem can be challenging, especially with a critical past. Start by recognizing your achievements; they are proof of your capabilities. Challenge negative thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with positive affirmations. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you. Engage in activities that bring joy and confidence, and consider professional counseling to address deeper issues. Practice self-compassion and take gradual steps in trusting your judgment. Accept compliments and celebrate small victories. Over time, consistent positive reinforcement can help reshape self-perception. Embrace your unique strengths and growth potential. Remember, progress is personal and ongoing.

[RedInnocent69]

Getting off on someone helps

[Asker]

What does it mean? If it means what Google is telling me then I've zero experience on that.

[RedInnocent69]

Well, without going into the detail of your question, I was being bawdy. Replying to a girl, I was trying to be gender neutral. Otherwise, I would’ve probably said something much worse