Do attractive people recognize when someone is shutting down internally because of them?

[Anonymous]

I'm aware of how common this question might be, of course most people have felt it at least once. The 'Halo effect' or whatever.
But, the reason I ask this is because I'd gone somewhere to order breakfast. Some guy was running the counter and needed someone else to log in, and it ended up being some really pretty chick with a clear customer service tone.
I ended up ordering less food, couldn't glance her in the eyes, and just decided it was a surprise diet. I wasn't worried about being seen as a fat ass, I just wasn't mentally prepared to feel like I've been thrown back into high school and shut down under invisible pressure.
So, essentially, their company unintentionally made a little less money because of it, and it got me thinking about the potential drawbacks conventionally attractive people might face (in lieu of their many benefits)
Am I overthinking this? Maybe. But I'd rather overthink everything than never question anything.

[jennifer_bloom]

I would say there is surface attraction and deep and unmovable attraction. Surface attraction is easy to see while deep attraction is much harder to change or alter. I remember there was a very intelligent and good looking guy with a fit and smart girlfriend and then he met another girl he did not know and immediately stuttered around her because of her beauty.

His girlfriend saw his nervousness and quickly found him and put her hand on him to let other girls know he was taken. That man had surface attraction to the beautiful stranger but he had deep attraction to his long time girlfriend which is why the pretty girl would not be able to steal him away.

[Anonymous]

I think most would agree that you’d have to be outwardly panicking, nervous, uncomfortable etc for them to even consider that you’re shutting down. Especially as a stranger. Otherwise why would anyone look at you appearing perfectly normal and assume you’re internally shutting down? People aren’t mind readers, attractive or not.

[Asker]

I looked it up a bit more, it's close enough to the 'spotlight effect' where sometimes we think people notice more about us than they actually do. Commonly happens in gyms mainly with newcomers.

Maybe you're right, it was all just an internal battle. The only person it affects is myself (limits how long I interact or even if I decide to try anything at all for fear of looking strange)... I guess I'd rather be the only one struggling than to inconvenience someone else, even if it's all imaginary or unnecessary. It's a non-existent problem with a non-existent solution, minus the mental turmoil.

[Opinion Owner]

It definitely sounds like you’re having an internal struggle and who knows, maybe you weren’t necessarily aware of it until seeing this woman brought it to light. In any case, I really think that unless you were outwardly showing how you internally felt (like getting sweaty, clammy, acting nervous, shaky) then she wouldn’t know. Attractiveness is subjective, so while you think she was very good looking someone else may not, which is why I don’t think being attractive matters, people are just people and we can’t read minds. Someone would have to know you pretty well to determine that your poker face is a front and you’re actually freaking out in your mind.

[Asker]

I guess that's a relief, then. I am the only one affected by my internal struggle. I just don't want to make other people feel like they've somehow done something wrong by existing.

I think the worst part about all of this is I like the fact that I feel this way. Throwing some people on pedestals just so I can feel smaller. It's not something I need to solve unless they're about to be in my daily life for some reason. It would be a problem if they're trying to flirt with me, but that's such a small chance it doesn't matter.

I appreciate the help.

[Asker]

(And, yes, I have a therapist, just haven't mentioned this yet)

[AI Opinion]

Attractive people may not always recognize when someone shuts down internally because of them. The experience you described reflects the "halo effect," where attractiveness can influence perceptions and reactions. While attractive individuals often receive benefits like positive attention, they might not be fully aware of how their presence affects others emotionally or mentally. Your reaction is a natural human response, influenced by societal norms and personal experiences. It's important to remember that everyone has unique interactions, and your experience could be entirely different from someone else's. Embrace self-awareness and growth as you navigate these encounters.

[Anonymous]

I don't think they do.