I'll raise my son with gentle parenting and no religion (atheist here).. is it surprising I don't fit my stereotype?

[Anonymous]

My son will be raised with gentle parenting and no religion. I guess this might take you by surprise but I'm not a white US nor European woman as they're known to use that style. I'm a mestizo Latina. Over the years I've developed a strong indifference towards both religion (esp the bible), never believed in a god and have an animosity towards physical punishment. I'm literally fed up with the ''I'm proud my parents used the slippers and thanks to that I'm a good person with several degrees and a business'' glorification of it. That actually sounds like Stockholm syndrome to me. It seems our culture is so prevalent in praising that terrible practice too much.

For the longest I've known our stereotype for women is being tied up with both being very religious and taking pride in spanking kids as if it were some rite of passage.

Is it surprising that I don't fit that stereotype?

[ChicoFromThe305]

You do what you think is necessary, thing is physical discipline isn't necessary for most cases but I think depending on the situation, physical discipline can help, there's many children that even hit their parents, I think the amount of discipline should be chosen in the moment depending on the situation, even tho someone is open to that form of discipline, no parent should be hoping for such discipline to be necessary, and as for the athiest part, I rather not say anything about since I believe the opposite of what you say and no conversation will change either of our minds

[Asker]

I'm glad we can agree to disagree in an educated manner.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yes of course, that's what our freedom of speech is for, to have educated conversations. 💯

[TonyMetal___86]

What does spanking your kid have to do with religion, you don't want to believe in god, it's your business, actually no one cares about the fate of an atheist, not because of hate but because an atheist person chose not to believe in anything!

[Asker]

Everything. Religious people that keep following the ''spare the rod, spoil the kid'' are so convinced that you have to spank your child in order to raise decent people with a bunch of college degrees. They really think not getting hit as a child makes you make a delinquent.

[TonyMetal___86]

Not at all, it depends on the kids, some kids needs to be spanked and some doesn't...

[Asker]

I guess. I don't like the idea of an obedient servant that only obeys as long as he fears punishment and that if I remove that fear, he turns wild. If someone only does good things because they constantly have to be reminded of punishments, something is wrong with that person.

[TonyMetal___86]

You can be whatever you want be, god is only reminding you that being good is different than from being bad and that each person will receive what he deserves according to their actions...

[aceleon]

no religion part is not your place to talk, it is his/her thing to learn and accept or reject, if you wanna be a good parent be objective and if your kid ever asks about religion just tell them to research it themselves and it is not your or anyone elses place to talk about. religion is a thing you learn yourself, no one gets to teach you your religion.

[Asker]

I do agree that in the end it would be my son's choice if he wants to adapt a religion or gets very curious about it. I must admit that if he asks about a god, we would just be straight forward and say that we don't believe in it.

[aceleon]

no, don't do that, it will make him be biased about it from the start since his parents don't believe it so it must not be real.
just tell him to go search for himself, don't present any opinion about it, don't direct him into anything. just say, internet is there, holy books are there, if he is interested he must search for it himself. whether if you were a believer or not your kid should not know your beliefs, it is automatic bias maker.

[slatyb]

It doesn't surprise me. As people move away from their original communities, some number will also leave their religion.

[Asker]

yeah change is good

[MasterKS]

I am raised by single mother and she did similar thing so i think its a best way, dont care what other thinks.

[Asker]

True. My husband doesn't want corporal punishment either.

[MasterKS]

@asker i can share details in private, if you need any suggestion or help regarding this.

[Asker]

okay

[Asker]

I've just sent you a follow request

[MasterKS]

@asker Thank you, just messaged you.

[Iron_Man]

That’s so horrible

[Asker]

Raising my son in an empathetical/respectful manner, not forcing the bible nor god on him, not assaulting him with household objects and having good communication where he can trust me without fearing I'll hit him is horrible?

[Iron_Man]

The boy has a soul don’t do this just because you’re an atheist he can be saved don’t brainwash him bad influence you need to do some soul searching and save yourself as well. Talk to God.

[Asker]

Neither me nor my husband (also atheist) share your views and our non-religious wedding was just as beautiful and elegant. If our boy wants to adapt to a religion when he's much older, that's his choice but I'm not going to force religion on him. I don't talk to imaginary beings.

I don't know about you but personally if you need to be afraid of getting punished by some invisible being or hellish place to be a good person and do good deeds then you're not a genuine, good person. You're just someone on a leash. Pretty much same with children only behaving to avoid physical punishment.
If you're only doing good things for a rewards after death, then it's pointless. You're not doing good things without anything in return.

[Asker]

I don't want a child that only obeys me and behaves like a calm, mature adult to avoid punishment and no other reason. I don't want an obedient servant.
I want a child that's true to himself, can express his feelings, explores his abilities and skills and there is a high level of communication and trust. There will be boundaries established but not forced obedience.

[Iron_Man]

Disrespectful you have no idea what you’re talking about

[Iron_Man]

I feel sorry for your son. Hopefully, he can on his own. About God