How to be more confident?

Question

I am 28, and I am on my pathway to making my self esteem higher. I want to know my worth and work my work. In the past especially in the workplace I became agreeable to avoid conflict. But I wish I said no more.

I am just wondering how can I be more confident and a boss ass bitch? What are tips and tricks? I am kind of submissive at the moment but slowly working on it.

I do the technique of Grey rocking at work, I only stick to work related subjects when there. I take care of adults who are intellectually impaired.

What are some ways in the workplace and outside of the workplace I can become more like this? Is Grey rocking a good technique?

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

95% of confidence is the illusion of confidence. Quite literally “fake it ‘til you make it.” That was part of the way I approached it in high school when I felt insecure as a person. I decided to make a game out of it, the “How Egotistical Can I Be?” Game where anytime someone gave me a compliment, or there was an opportunity to compliment myself, I not only gladly accepted it, I put a bit of a dramatic flair to it. I. e. someone compliments my hair, I respond, “I know, God has granted you the gift of my beauty, aren’t I fabulous?” And strike a pose. My friends get a laugh, I laugh with them, it validates what I’m doing and also how I feel.

Another important thing to note is that your thought patterns contribute to how you feel, and the first thing you think of in any given situation isn’t what you think but what you’re taught to think. What follows immediately after is your actual consciousness. So if you notice you have some thoughts and mental responses that push you away from your end goal, correct it.
Repetition is also key. That game I mentioned? I kept playing it for like 3 months before I started to believe the dramatically ridiculous things I was saying about myself because hell yeah I’m awesome and people deserve to know about it lol
Don’t necessarily have any tips to help with conflict though, I also prefer to avoid it.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Accepted Answer

Confidence comes from accepting who you truly are as a person with all pros and cons about yourself.

You can't be confident if you are confused about your personality.

And you need not be so agreeable especially with people who really don't matter like co-workers.

Stand up and defend yourself for what you believe in.

ChicoFromThe305 · Accepted Answer

Well there's a difference between confidence and being a bitch, I think that's an important thing to consider on your self esteem journey lol

Advisor Smith · Accepted Answer

Confidence is mostly built, not born. A few things that helped many I’ve coached:

1. Micro‑boundaries
- Start tiny: “I can’t do that today, but I can on Thursday.”
- Practice one “no” a day to low‑stakes requests.

2. Power posture + voice
- Stand tall, shoulders back, slower speech, steady eye contact.
- Pause before answering; it signals self‑respect.

3. Self‑respect habits
- Sleep, exercise, clothes that make you feel sharp.
- Keep promises to yourself; confidence follows consistency.

4. At work
- Use assertive scripts:
- “I’m at capacity; what should be deprioritized?”
- “I’m not comfortable with that; here’s an alternative.”

5. Outside work
- Join something that stretches you: improv, martial arts, public speaking.
- Surround yourself with people who speak boldly but kindly.

6. About grey rocking
- Useful with toxic or manipulative people; it protects your energy.
- Don’t use it with everyone, or you’ll mute your personality.
- Combine it with clear limits: “I’m not discussing my personal life at work.”

Aim not for “boss ass bitch” as in aggression, but calm authority: kind, clear, and unapologetic about your boundaries.

Anonymous · Answer

I have no idea, I've never been self-confident.

How to be more confident?

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