How to Get Through In-Law Trouble

[Ozanne]

If you are anxious around your significant other’s parents, whether meeting them for the first time or trying hard to continue to impress, then don’t worry. The likelihood that they are just as anxious to please you is in the back of their mind, even if they have a funny way of showing it. Here’s a quick guide on how to ease your worries and move on to focusing on your relationship and doing your best to be a better in-law.

Auntie Ozanne's Guide to Getting Along with the In-Laws

1. You are in a relationship with your significant other – not their parents. The less you spoil the good thing you have in your relationship, the more evident it will be to his/her parents that you are really a good thing for them. Continue to be a great partner, and put more energy in to your primary relationship. Sometimes, the in-laws can be impossible, and nothing – not one thing you do will improve. Therefore, once recognizing that you can’t, no need to jump through unnecessary hoops anymore before you decide you’ve tried, and it’s time to just focus on the one relationship that counts: the one you have with your love.

2. Don’t create reasons for them to hate you. If they are being miserable, don’t stop showing up at family dinners to avoid them, or stop being a part of sending gifts for special occasions, and don't stop answering the phone if they call. Cutting your ties completely just shows that you’re one more reason why they were right in choosing to dislike you. If you continue to be (moderately) thoughtful towards them, it actually does the reverse effect. It will make them and others wonder why they are so hard on you when you continue to do your best.

3. Don’t badmouth them to your partner. Your partner may fully agree that their treatment towards you is unfair, but if you bring it up first or let him/her know what you think of them, you are hurting your partner. It’s still their parents, and no matter how unreasonable or unlovable they are – it’s not easy to hear it from anyone, including you. The good thing is that they were the two people who brought in to the world, and raised the love of your life. That has to count for something.

4. Know that they might be just as anxious to please you too. Yes, they're older and think they have it all figured out. They've had a longer time invested in to their child than you do, but there is always a bit of worry that all their hard work in raising their child will shatter if they are in the hands of the wrong person. In-laws that want to include you might fear that if they get too cozy with you that you'll take advantage of the family. Or they might feel jealousy that you are creating a happier life than they could for their child. Putting their minds at ease too, to let them know you're not a threat to their relationship with their son/daughter will be a great relief for any parent, and will likely give you the start of the respect you deserve.

Quick Tips to Impress

• Upon first meeting, give a small gift.


• If you notice something they need a hand with, offer it.


• Compliment that they raised a great girl/guy


• Ease their mind that you will be looking after their son/daughter


• Send (or be part of sending) flowers on Mother’s Day and birthdays


• Lend out items to borrow if they mention something interests them


• Take them out for dinner


• Start being a friend

[abundantlyrich]

That's just annoying when the parents are so heavily dependent on their childrYou haven like that. I don't see it any different as to being initiated into a company after passing all the criteria to work there. You have to learn to overcome the different personalities that tries to pull you down.

[abundantlyrich]

*children like that

[YourFutureEx]

I hope my future wife will read this. :)

[Anonymous]

You are in a relationship with your significant other – not their parents.

I agree with anonymous under 18.
This is a seriously troubling myth.
When you are in a relationship with someone, however serious or not, even if you have never met their parents before, you are in more of a relationship with them than you know.
First of all, they are where your love gets 90% of his/her genetically influenced characteristics (physical or emotional) in addition to his/her mentality.
Secondly, despite what they say, unless you are completely COMPLETELY cut off from your family or your loved one from their's, like estranged or abandoned or hopefully not dead (even living in a different continent from them but receiving 1 phone call a year doesn't count as cut off), marriage is a completely social thing and maybe private only part of the time.
This is my personal experience after 7 years of marriage. When you marry someone, you are actually really "marrying INTO a family". So the other way around is just a myth. It's just people giving voice to their dream, to their image of a perfect life, and maybe they are just trying to push it to be a private matter by talking about it; just like fairy tales.
That's why before getting married people go and meet the parents, even in Western culture, or the groom tries to impress the father of the bride, and the father gives the bride away, and many more such subtle but deeply rooted things we do.
So, if time ever turns back and I get a second try at marriage, I will try to get as close as I can to my in-laws and try as hard to get to know them as I do about my love.
And trust me, you'll find out a lot more about your love through their family than you would all on your own.
Another big plus, if you do finally end up marrying your love, you will have a tons lighter load when it comes to in-law problems.

[Opinion Owner]

And do that as soon as you start dating. Why not? "Date" the whole family. Don't wait till you are already attached to the other person, so if you receive a nasty surprise, it will be hard and heartbreaking to end your relationship. Also note, if you are a normal person, you are emotionally committed the instant you decide to have sex, whether you like it or not. Maybe even before that, but definitely when you start having sex.

On another note, my mother in law and the rest of my in-laws, still believe they have a right to their son's life. And it's serious stuff they're after, no degree of pampering and flowers and gifts and attention and respect will they settle for. They feel either entitled, or think they will get whatever they want by force, or bullying, or MANIPULATION, even if it means their own son gets hurt in the process through hurting his relationship.

[Anonymous]

You are in a relationship with your significant other – not their parents.

Your way of thinking is sooo Western. In many countries, marriage is still two families coming together, not two people. And people talk. Relatives talk, neighbours talk, even strangers talk. It's a shame if your child didn't marry someone proper. Not here though, but in some places.

[YourFutureEx]

Intelligent little girl.

[far2gud4u]

wow my mother in law hates my guts and i have done all of that stuff. fact is, tey have to want to like you. you can't make them like you.

[Bluemax]

I thank God for my in-laws. They are some of the nicest people I know. They're still my friends.

[Anonymous]

I've never met anyone's parents, that's too serious for me

[Anonymous]

you have to look at it from another perspective sometimes