Meeting my half brother for the first time?

[Anonymous]

I've known for a good few years that I have a half brother but he's never been spoken about. Lately though I've been wanting to get to know him, he's completely different from me. I've been brought up in a good solid family set up, had opportunities and been to Uni. He was brought up in foster care and is completely off the rails.

I don't know him and haven't heard very good things about him. The only thing I know about him is that he's 4 years older than me and has been in the army and got kicked out for something violent.

I really want to be there for him if I can, I don't have much family and he's kind of my brother. My mum knows where he currently lives and she doesn't want me to see him, but I really just want to get on a train and go. I want to know him.

I don't know him and I'm not sure how to go about this, he might hate and resent me and I don't know what to expect. Any advice please? :)

[Anonymous]

I was in fostercare.

Just Don't. I myself want nothing to do with my family. I have 2 brothers and a sister whom i want nothing to do with. They were not there for me when I needed the help. They lived their happy little lives with my mother while I was thrown from one home to another until I hit 18 and was on the street with no1 to help.

So my family didn't want anything to do with me UNTIL i was older and they didn't have to care for me.

[Asker]

I'm sorry. This is what I'm scared of, I only knew about him recently, a matter of a few years really. Since my dad died I feel like I have to do this. I understand he's going to have baggage and resentment but he's my brother and I'm prepared that I'm going to be in the firing line. I know there'll be anger. I want to do this. Do you think there's the possibility of a relationship if I stick at it?

[Opinion Owner]

Who knows. I wouldn't want to give a single F to do with you.

I spent over 10 years being a stranger in peoples homes. Lucky to even get a cake on my birthday. Sat around watching my foster parents giving gifts to their children and grand children while I got nothing. Never being able to spend the night at a friends home without having background check everyone. Never getting a ride to school even if it was raining. Never being able to express anger because the moment you do they pump meds into you. ( meds that eventhough didn't do anything prevented me from going into the military even after scoring a 90 on the Asvab ). I have a clean record and was treated like a criminal my whole life.

There is no concept of family. Just people whom throw you away the moment you no longer entertain them.

[Asker]

I'm sorry you've had to deal with that, I can't imagine it and I don't think anyone could unless they've been through it.

I don't agree with what happened to him and it wasn't my fault it happened. I just want to try hold out a hand to him now I know he's my family.

[TadCurious]

Just take it slow. See if you can get your mum (I just love the way you guys say "mum" lol) to give you his address. Then you could maybe write him a letter, and just say some of the things you've said here. That you'd like to get to know him. There's nothing weird about doing that; in fact I think it's perfectly understandable. You could put your phone number in the letter, or e-mail address, or whatever, so he could easily respond to you.

[Asker]

lol I love how you say mom ;) I didn't think to write, I've had such a big urge to just go down there. It would probably be a shock for me to just turn up in his life. I'm worried what I'll find, I don't want him to have had a really tough life, I feel guilty just thinking about it.

I'll write :) that seems like a more respectful way to try to fit myself somehow into his life.

Thank you again for your insight..as always ;)

[TadCurious]

By sending him a letter first, you let him know you care, and it can sink in with him for a while that he has a sister out there that does care.

[Asker]

I hope he wants a sister :)

[TadCurious]

thank you for MH, and good luck in reaching out to your brother!

[Asker]

Thank you! I took your advice, so we'll see what happens lol :)

[NightBlindness]

It's a pretty scary experience. When I met my half brother for the first time it was really awkward, I was 18 and he was 14.. We where complete strangers, yet people expected us to act and behave like we'd known each other all our lives.

I've never met or spoken to him again after out first meeting. I'm glad I met him, but we're just completely different people.

[Asker]

I'm sorry it didn't work out with your brother, kind of what I'm afraid of happening too :/

[COCOCHANEL]

i have 2 older half brothers both of whom i've never lived in the same household with. one of them was kind of like a cousin to me although we didn't see each other often. the other i've only met a handful of times. we got along but lost touch when i moved. it's nice to have family. i recommend getting in contact.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing your experiences :) that's my thinking, it's always good to add more people to your clan lol

[apropos]

Based on your story, it sounds like he'll hate and resent you.

I'd just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Read up on GSA and be prepared to deal with strange feelings.