Best friend and I like the same girl, what now?

[Anonymous]

At first I thought he maybe liked her so when I started too, I asked him some things to find out if he liked her. I was certain he had no interest in her, so I told him I liked and thought I was safe to flirt with her. However about a week after I started flirting with her, he suddenly shows up more and tries to flirt with her right in front of me. He constantly gets between me and her, not letting me be alone with her. It seems he only liked her after he found out I did. I am almost certain she only sees him as a friend by the things she told me and how she acts with him, even telling me he is just a guy friend to her. He has no clue how to flirt really or tell the difference between fun and flirting. He just pokes her, throws stuff etc basically flirts like he is in grade 8, acting immature. She will do these things back not to flirt but because its fun at times she even does it to girls she is friends with. He never notices she does this with every one and thinks she is flirting back. With me on the other hand I think she likes me as I get treated differently then every one and the friends we hang out with have called us out on flirting. Her best friend has even trying to set me and her up.

she is leading him on without knowing it and it makes the situation worse between me and him. I thought about getting her to stop doing things back so he doesn't get lead on/ hurt but he won't take it as me doing that. If I ask her out like her friend suggested and he finds out he is going to be hurt. I know he will never ask her out. If I don't ask her out to spare him, I know I will resent him somewhat for making me miss this chance with her. However I know there is another girl he likes and who likes him back, would it be wise to encourage him to go after her?

Updates

+1 y

to add I think he missed his window he has known her about 6 months, while I have known who she is for maybey 2-3 months but only really talked to her and hung out for the past month. I don't want to miss my chance with her because of him either

Updates

+1 y

I would apreciate real answers not "bros before hoes" or "fight to the death" cause that won't solve the situation

[Anonymous]

Me and my best friend liked the same guy. I liked him for 3 years and she liked him for a month. She started liking him after she found out I liked him. I kept it a secret, but she noticed.

Then she openly told me she can't help herself and said she doesn't want to do anything if I forbid it. She really liked him very much and I, knowing I am VERY shy just as he is, knew I would never dare to say anything to him. So I let her approach him because I felt it would be selfish not to, since I was being cowardly all this time. She approached him and he rejected her.

She turned her back and never spoke to him again. Me and him are still friends and I still feel as he is flirting with me more every day. But not one of us can say anything. I fear it will remain so forever.

I also kept my best friend of course.

Now when I think back, I realize that if they started dating I would have suffered and might even resented her for that. I know I gave my permission, but now I understand how much pain it could have caused me. I still love this man, so much it hurts me. If I could go back in time, I would have told her differently.

My little story is all I can give you. I hope you find this helpful in a way since it is followed by one lesson. Don't let him have the girl. It doesn't matter whether you choose to go for her or not, but if you let him hit on her and you aren't lucky enough that he gets rejected, you might loose her and your friend.

[Asker]

she thinks he is just being friendly and in reality he is hitting on her and it makes me jealous yet most of the time she won't flirt back. for example if her leg hits his she apolagize if her leg hits me she keeps doing it. me and him are hugely competative we turned a game of backyard soccer into a game of life or death same with marks constantly trying to out do the other. he only seems to do it just to steal attention from me. I am definitlly going for her, just to know. p.s this was helpful

[AScott]

if he is worth a lot to you as a best friend, don't go up there. You deserve to be happy, but trust me, is it worth losing your friend over? Tell him you like her too and figure out how to handle it..if he stays away too, then you have a great guy..if he's the type to choose a girl over your friendship than maybe he's not worth and go for the girl. You just have to make sure you be honest with him and say you adore her too, but you don't want to let it get in the way. Either of you date her, someone will have resentment and you don't wanna ruin your relationship. I would never go out with a guy that my best friend was crazy about..unless I knew about it before I developed feelings for him.

[Asker]

she basically liked me too but I never made a move out of respect for him, turns out he was making moves the whole time and now they are dating, even though he knew I liked her too. its funny as she is helping me with other girls. I guess guys need these girls but I already had two >.>

[AScott]

Did he know you liked her? cause if he did, then that's a pretty sh*tty best friend move. I hope you guys get through it..you never know..sometimes being a best friend towards a girl, makes her realize how much she chose wrong. I hope everything works out for you. You never know what happens in life.

[Asker]

he definitlly knew I went to him for some advice on her. I count it as her loss she still acts flirty to me too messaging me first, keeps conversation going for hours, laughing at everything I say. I am not sure what that's about. I found a girl who things seem to be working out with, so I am trying to leave them alone but I still get that awkward feeling time to time.

[AScott]

I think it's great you moved on...he did a sh*tty thing..at least you know what kind of friend he is..especially if you asked for advice and then he went after her. That's just slimy and shady! I hope ti works out with this new girl, focus on her and move on..you deserve better than both of them!

[lost_soul]

okay I'm gonna be honest, I had the comical thought of "fight to the death" and that neither of yous should go after her. Then I read your question and the updates.

There's another girl he likes who is sharing mutual feelings. You really should encourage this. It will make him happy - who wouldn't be happy finding out your crush likes you back? - its also a good thing for you; making the 'coast clear' as such. hopefully he'll be happy enough with this girl that no hard feelings will be aimed at you for going after a girl he isn't even dating.

hope this helps and good luck!

[Asker]

should I encourage him to go after the other girl subtly or just strait out tell him?

[lost_soul]

subtly unless he can't take the hint

[colt1819]

You and your friend should act like men. Tell the dude that you like the girl and that if he likes her too then the competition begins. Whoever the chick picks then that guy stays with her, while the other needs to accept it.

Been in that scenario, and always been cool with either result.

[Asker]

true I actually thought about this, but the guy gets anoying in how he acts some times if he messes up with her he takes me down with him even if I was not involved, trying to blame it on me. its not usally that bad though as she blames me for everything any way or if he says something really bad and blames me she asks me about it.

[tacoman123]

who liked her first? and did the one who liked her first tell the other that he liked her?

[Asker]

when I got feelings for her, I thought maybey 1 in 10 chance he liked her so I fished for information, he never admitted to liking her so I told him I liked her. he was fine with it but a week after he found out I like her he starts to cockblock me all the time he can. then after another week or two he finally admits he likes her. it pisses me off cause he had his chance to say something & I know she only thinks of him as a friend nothing more, and he has been what stopped me frm asking hr out

[tacoman123]

Then he is in violation of ARTICLE 3 of the Bro code which states

If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

A. Was an ex-girlfriend

B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her

C. Is your buddy’s sister (However, if it’s your buddy’s cousin, well she’s up for grabs, and you’re welcome to rub it in his face for years to come)

[candi412]

Ok I have the same problem but me and my friend liked the same GUY. What I did to solve it was I thought to myself, if she was a REAL FRIEND why is she liking the same person I like. And this girl has been wanting everything I ever had so I let her go and flirt with him so he can see what type of person she is. So how that turned out was he ended up hating her and liking me. so I suggest to you, you invite him over to your house make sure your house is clean and maybe offer some coffee while you guys talk, so you can have an adult like conversation. and I think you should tell him EXACTLY how you feel and yes I think you should encourage him to go after the other girl he likes.

[Asker]

yeah I see what your talking about letting him try to flirt with her as he comes off as extremley immature in the way he does it and it makes her view him as even more of a friend each time he does it. sounds mean but it seems like she acts like she is baby sitting a child at times not flirting back. should I encourage him to go after the other girl subtly or just strait out tell him?

[kateykae]

well think about it when you said ,"if she was a REAL FRIEND why is she liking the same person I like?" well she may be thinking the same thing you are, but since you said the girl has wanted everything you had, I understand where your coming from.

[Asker]

i felt the same way she did but it honestly feels that he just wants her now that I do. he had plenty of chances to tell me he liked her and wanted me to back down. in fact I went as far as strait up asking do you like her at one point he responded saying no

[justagirl42]

Honestly I know very little about guy code and such. Can you just ask him if he likes her or would you knowing he does mean you officially can't go after her and that's what you're trying to avoid?

[Asker]

I did ask him and he admitted that he now likes her. after 6months of not caring he likes her as soon as he finds out I do. Normally you wouldent go after the same girl your buddy likes just to avoid fights, basically your both supposed to forget about her, However he still going after her or let the guy with the better shot go after her. By what I been told by her and her friend & what I have seen he is only a friend. He doesn't get this and won't back off & cockblocks me I'm not sure what to do.

[jazzrocks3]

Why don't you tell him that it bothers you that he likes this girl just because you do? If you are real friends then he (or u) would let it go.

[Asker]

yeah gonna try this first if he won't back off it may unfortunatly become a competition.

[jazzrocks3]

have you asked him yet?

[Disputin_Rasputin]

Ah well, it seems the only real answer is a fight to the death.

[Anonymous]

Just wait for who he's going to choose