Is it weird that my dad is 15 years older than me?

[Anonymous]

Mom was 21 when she got me and dad was 36. Was my mom necessarily a sugar baby?

[nightdrot]

Not at all. There is a bit of an age difference between your father and your mother, but there is nothing wrong with that.

Back in the day, when I was in my 20s I date for a little over a year a women - divorced - in her mid-60s. I, at that time, thought that she was incredibly sophisticated and she took good care of herself. For her part, I think that she was just flattered that a young guy found her attractive.

It did not last in our case. I think that she grew bored with me. For my part, I knew that I wanted a family. (Her two sons were actually a bit older than me.) However, it ended amicably.

Still, while not usual it is not impossible for an older man to fall in love with a younger woman or vice versa, it is not in any way weird. (Don't let it bother you, but maybe they had to get married as you were the little bundle from heaven that they did not plan on.) The point is that if they were happy together and love you and care for you, that is all that matters.

Good enough for government work as the saying goes.

[Asker]

Why did they have to get married?

[nightdrot]

Maybe your dad got your mom pregnant. That is just a pure guess and I could very easily be wrong. Even if I am right, what does it matter as long as they are happy together.

For what it is worth, my girlfriend and I have lived together for over a decade and have three children. We just find the idea of getting married to be a turn-off and so we are happily living together. In the case of your parents, maybe if one romantic date got a wee bit out of hand they made you and decided that getting married was the best way to go.

Again, that was just a guess based on nothing in particular - other than that, again while the age difference is not weird, it is a bit of a statistical blip in the curve.

[Asker]

They were never married when they were togetyer

[nightdrot]

Okay, well there you go. I assumed that your parents were married. They obviously are not.

You were the little surprise from heaven. Sounds to me like they were in a relationship like the one I was in - the difference being that your mother was younger and capable of bearing children. They had unprotected sex and there you were - well, 9 months later.

For my part, I had unprotected sex with the woman who was in her mid-60s. The difference being that she was no longer fertile and so, in effect, we were practicing the safest sex. Though there was the time her son caught us - - - awkward!

[Asker]

So I was most likely an accident?

[nightdrot]

Well, unless they decided as my girlfriend and I have done to have children outside of marriage. (Actually, our first two were unplanned pregnancies, the third was planned.) I have no way of knowing what kind of relationship they were in.

Could have been they were dating, and were thinking of marriage and just got carried away one night. Could be that it was a one night stand and after your mom got pregnant they tried to make it work for a while. The permutations are endless and depending on your relationship with them you might just ask them.

As it is, my children are too young to understand that mommy and daddy are not married. All they know is that we are mommy and daddy and that we love each other and them. We have no plans, as they get older, to keep from them that we are not married but that it does not mean we love them any less.

Not sure of your parent's circumstances - again you might ask. All I would say is that it does not matter so long as they love and care for you.

[Asker]

Who even cares if your parents are married? Isn’t that something that we are over? I never thought anything of my parents not being married.

[nightdrot]

Never said that I did - obviously my girlfriend and I do not. However, as children get older they ask questions. We have no intention of lying to them. That was all I was saying.

Relax.

[Asker]

Is there really a stigma to it in the US?

[nightdrot]

Somewhat. Not like there used to be. It sort of depends where in the country you live.

My parents are not thrilled. Her parents are not thrilled either and her dad - a Navy veteran - is really not happy. They have lived with it and even her dad - even though he and I don't have the best relationship - I would say is a spectacular grandfather.

So you manage. It is not like the Scarlet Letter. That said, in fairness, the stats are clear. My girlfriend and I are an exception. As a rule, the children of unmarried parents tend - for a variety of reasons - not to do as well as the children of married parents.

Stigma or no.

[Asker]

That’s why my mom doesn’t wanna go and visit my aunt in South Carolina. Becayse I’m different race and I’m born outside of marriage. I fucking knew it

[nightdrot]

Well, that is unfair. Good grief. You are as guilty of stereotyping as the people you would accuse of stereotyping.

It is not hard to imagine a million different reasons why your mom does not get along her relatives. With my "father-in-law" and frankly with my parents and her mom, it is a matter of religious conviction. (All Roman Catholics as indeed my girlfriend and I are, though we don't take the sacraments.)

Even then, better to ask your mother than to judge people you do not even know. Besides, get the chip off your shoulder. It is a lousy way to live your life.

[Asker]

But do you think it’s the reason?

[nightdrot]

There is no way to know. Is it possible that it is a religious issue? Sure. Is it possible that it is a racial question? It is not impossible but less likely in this day and age. Is it maybe that they just never had a good relationship with your mom? Certainly.

The point is that you can ask your mother if you want. Yet why worry about it. You live your life, you have friends and other relatives. You have your dad, I assume.

Worry less about what you do not have and count more the blessings that you do have. Then make the most of what you have. A life of resentment and self-pity will get you nowhere.

[Asker]

No I don’t really have my dad. I mean he hasn’t complrtely left me but I only see him a few times a year and it’s oretty awkward around his real family.

My mom and her sister have a great relationship actually. She always asks us to come over and they call each ither all the time.

[nightdrot]

On the first, I am sorry to hear that. It can't be easy feeling distant from your father and I sincerely hope, with time, that things get better for you. I love my children - I am America's most besotted father, as my girlfriend will swear in court - and I can't imagine them not being in my life.

As to your mother and her sister. Is this the same as sister as your aunt in South Carolina? If so, then it is likely your mother does not go to SC for other reasons. Perhaps cost. (You suggested that you live in another country?)

In any case, it would be best if you asked her. Certainly far better than attributing bad motives to people you do not know well and could, later in life, have a meaningful relationship with.

[Asker]

Yeah I asked her and she said that she just didn’t have the money a few years ago but she would like to go there now. She said that we could go there in a few years.

[Asker]

Yes it’s the same person

[nightdrot]

Well, there you go. It has nothing to do that you were born out of wedlock or the color of your skin. Go have a good time and drop the defensiveness.

Life is too short.

[Asker]

She said that it’e long

[nightdrot]

Say again? Your sentence makes no sense. What is the word " it’e"?

[Asker]

My mom said that life is long

[nightdrot]

Unless and until it is not. Take care, you never know when things can change and you should not take a minute for granted.

[Asker]

She is wise for a 36 yo

[DanielStark]

I don't think so, girls generally go for older guys. 15 is on the high end though. My last girlfriend was 21.

[Asker]

So this is a borderline situation?

[DanielStark]

It might have been then, not really anymore since she's over 30 now.

[Asker]

They aren’t together anymore ;(

[DanielStark]

that's unfortunate, my condolences. And yeah I think I didn't realize what a sugar baby was, it means like she dating him for him to buy her stuff right? If that's the case then a girl like that wouldn't have had a kid with the man. So no, she wasn't one.

[Asker]

Good but accidents do happen I suppose

[DanielStark]

Yeah but if a girl is the type to be a "sugar baby" then I would assume she is also the type who would be fine with getting an abortion.

[CapricornHoney]

Unless she was using him to buy her stuff, then no she was not a sugar baby.

[Asker]

But do you think she was? Are girls who are 15y younger than their partner at that age usually sugar babies?

[CapricornHoney]

No it would be very unlikely, especially if there is a child involved.

[Asker]

True

[PondyPand]

Not really.
And she didn't 'got you'. She had you.

[jeemm]

If your dad was 36 when you were born then how the fuck is he 15 years older than you?

[Asker]

Wow I meant 15y older than her

[IlyaTheImpaler]

His dad is aging in reverse

[Anonymous]

If he was 36 when you were born, then he’s 36 years older than you, and 15 years older than your MOM.

[Asker]

I know sorry. I just mistyped. What about the situation tho.

[Opinion Owner]

No it doesn’t mean she was a sugar baby lol. Maybe she just liked older guys. They still together?

[Asker]

Nope and her current boyfriend is only 2 months older than her so 36

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmm no, it still doesn’t make her a sugar baby based on the info you’ve given us.

[Asker]

Yeah I sadly don’t have more info and I doubt that my mom would ever be honest in shit likethis

[MemeMaester]

Ask her

[Asker]

Do you think she would answer honestly

[MemeMaester]

Probably not, I'm just really confrontational and pushy I'd get the honest answer at some point so it works for me 😂