Was that a good thing to do by being open and honest about my past from the beginning?

[Anonymous]

so I have many family issues: extreme domestic violence (my father used to beat my mother), witnessed my mother died (indirectly because of all that happened to her), has PTSD because of all these traumatic events. when my crush heard about my life, he could not digest it. His parents were already accepting me but then my crush asked them if they will accept me with my baggage ( he rejected me once in the past upon hearing my story saying I make him feel unsafe). His parents were harsh with their rejection and separated us. was that a good thing to do? Being open and honest about my past since the beginning?

Updates

+1 y

I was thinking these are stuffs that I cannot hide in a serious relationship... but it cost me the relationship itself... we love each other but have been separated.

[exitseven]

Sorry you had to go through this but you wee right to explain this. I dated somebody who was abused as a kid and it helped me to understand why she acted the way she did sometimes. Sometimes we could be watching television and all of a sudden something would make her cry. Instead of thinking she was just nuts I used it as a opportunity to talk about it to her.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Sam_The_Savage]

Oh baby you're gold.
Honesty is expensive don't expect poor people will handle well. You're right you have to be honest about your past.

[Asker]

aww thank you for your kind words <3

[Sam_The_Savage]

Keep smiling girl ❤️
You deserve to be loved whole life. ❤️

[TommyMountainFigure]

Firstly I am very sorry about your mum, and off course about the other things too.

I think you are right to be open and honest about your past, but you shouldn't divulge all the details before a guy has had a chance to get to know you, otherwise he could form an opinion of you without ever knowing you personally.

[Asker]

He found out after 1 year 2 months of talking

[TommyMountainFigure]

Talking? as in you told him online? Those intimate details of your life should be shared face to face.

[Asker]

He wanted to keep an online relationship for the most part... I did not tell him... Actually I went to meet him and his father scolded me.. this got me an emotional trigger, that's when I started telling him all the details. That's when he also understood that I had childhood trauma

[TommyMountainFigure]

His father scolded you? Bloody cheek. Who the hell does he think he is to have a go at you? You wanted to date him not his father.

Know what? I don't think you realise just how much of a lucky escape you've had. His father sounds like an interfering old sod (Sorry for venting that)

[Asker]

The father never understand his son..., his father ended up trying to prosecute me because according to him I was harassing his son due to the fact that I have an adverse childhood. If you knew the damage it did to my reputation. well it was indeed a lucky escape... I have to settle things with that guy but for now I will work and pave my way up then later on I will get back to him.

[Asker]

His father is ruthless... I gave his son gifts and a rose... to him I was willing to harm his son LOL

[TommyMountainFigure]

I don't suggest you REALLY do this but just between us, for fun you should send the father a very suggestive pic of you. If the old git has a dodgy ticker, it might.. you know off the old bastard!. (Forget I said that)

[Floppy2112]

Yes, it's best to be honest to a person you are seriously considering to be in a relationship with. If he cannot handle it, it's best you know that upfront. It's better to know now, then to build a year of relationship and then have him freak. That split is much harder.
Hang in there and if you haven't, get help because you need to clear that stuff as best you can. What people are afraid of is you are going to bring it into the relationship and people don't want to take on someone else's baggage. If you get help, sort through it in a healthy way, then that's a story that will be your past, not your present and that's much easier to take. Think of it like paying off debt. You have a lot better options when you have no debt.

[natured]

If a partner can't accept everything you have been through, than he is not the right one for you, if someone truly cares and loves you, they would accpt them and even make sure that you will have a perfect future... It's sad that people run away because of this, they are cowards.
You deserve the best

[johnsmithjs]

Absolutely! Be honest about everything. There is nothing worse than being in a serious relationship and falling in love with someone only to find out later that they lied about something or did not tell you about something that could affect your relationship.

[Kontrvnote]

You did the right thing. If you hid it and continued the relationship, you're going to feel guilty. It could have got even worse if he found out your story after you got married to him. So you are not wrong for opening up. Hope you'll meet someone who accepts you soon.

[JustinTimberlegs]

I think you did the right thing, I'm sorry they could not accept it. It's a very hard thing to do and I'm proud of you.

It's rare to find someone so open and honest, I wish you find the lasting and loving relationship you deserve.

[ArztSchlachthof]

If he cannot bear with your burden, it's for the best that you are separated. Truth is always the right choice, no matter the cost.

[Yourfriend2021]

Being honest is the best thing and if someone can't handle that , then just forget about them, maybe they aren't honest.

[innerman]

You were right to share.
He wasn’t the right person to share with.

[Supernormal]

Sometimes you have to let go of the past else it will hurt your future. Bury your past

[Iron_Man]

Be honest