I’m glad that you’re able to recognize your negative traits. Not many people do that and hence fail to form healthy relationships. Everyone has some good traits and some bad ones, but you should be able to identify the bad ones and keep it under control.
For example, if you are able to say something mean to your friend, take a step back and put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if someone said something that hurt your feelings? Take deep breaths and try to control your behavior. It’s not easy, but you can do it with time. It’s always best to know your triggers and avoid them. Everyone has triggers. For me, it’s usually I give silent treatment to people who annoy me/someone I've had a fight with. I raise my voice when someone does not hear me out. I get emotional and end up yelling at people. These are some of the toxic traits that I have. However, I’m aware of them and do my best to keep it under control.
I’ll give you a real life example. My mum did not allow me to go out with my friends even though one of my friend’s mum assured my mum that she’ll chaperone and that we’ll be safe. I’d just talked to my dad about it, hoping that he’ll side with me when I ask my mum. Because I know very well that my mum won’t allow me to go. My mum said “no” and I raised my tone a little. She got mad and we got into a huge fight. If I had not beaten around the bush and had come straight to the point instead of getting emotional, she would have probably heard me out.. but I didn’t.
You know what I should have done though? I should have taken a few deep breaths and stayed calm.
I’d suggest counseling. I went to therapy a few months ago and I’m doing a lot better now.
It's good that you recognize your negative reactions and behavior. The best thing now would be to follow up with counseling to help you change some of your actions.
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Seek therapy. It works wonders
First step: recognize you have a problem
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