If you have real friends for years, What are the things you will feel betrayed by them?

[kitty71]

I mean something like you never expected them to do to you and you are surprised they act bad at you after years of mingling with them and hang out.

Note: Here I ask things of mainly friends issue (not cheating on their respective boyfriend or partners.

Todfay I was betrayed by several friends that I never thought they acted like this to me and I never did anything wrong with them. They acted like little high school students and we all are in our early 50`s. Im a bit pis$·%ed off at them. I dont know what to do? To face them and text them or just ignore. I mean I do want to know why they behave like taht with me, I think I have the right, possibly they wil give me just excuses but I want to see how genuine they are.

[NathanDavis]

I don't know really... after 10, 12, 16 even 20 years of friendship... that just does not even crosses my mind, the idea of them betraying me

I just don't see how or why would that be happening

[kitty71]

Lucky you that u can't see how they can do that to you. I just felt betrayed by them by a group of female friends taht we used to hang out from time to time together and they totally left me out forlast night bday celebration of a a frien we all knwo in common,

[NathanDavis]

well... did you ask why this happened, have you talked with them?

among friends, communication should be fairly simple... and I do think that a priority towards issues is to understand why something happened in the first place, have you tried that yet? found out what is actually going on?

[kitty71]

No I haven't beause I think if I do they will give me excuses I think they simply did not want to take me into account and common we are ladies in our 50`s and they are acting like high school students. I found out about this bay cause one of them posted a photo on FB. The friends who attended also did not invite other 3 ladies that we all know. I was a friend of some ladies taht we all formed a Whatassp chat group and from time to time in the past if we want to plan or organize something we text each other fro that. In the past we had gone to one of them house to chit chat and have a nice time at one of these ladies house as she always was nice to open her own house for us and spend a good tiem among friends. Well yesterday some of these friends (not all) celebrated the 50`th birthday of the sister of one of our friend, a sister that also we all know, because we all were high school classmates. So in this group Im part of we were 7 ladies and 4 were not invited only 2) The birthday lady is not in our Whatassp group only her sister is. So 3 were directly invited by the bday lady and her sister, Other 2 were not direclty invited but the ones who were directly invited showed them they received an invitation to a party and one of them (who were not personally or directly invited did go, the other could not go and the reamining 2 (me and another friend) were not invited at all or even saw the invitation like the other 2.

[NathanDavis]

well, I do think this would be a big mistake...

if you decide not to talk with them, and instead if you will assume the worst of them.. . that is not what a good friend would do

a friend should reach and communicate and try to understand things as for what they really are, that is the only towards a solution or to amend things, at least to get an explanation...

if you do not trust them... then maybe you're not a good friend either

[kitty71]

I mean why would I reach out if they did not invite me because they did not want to? Like 5 months ago Im the always trying to plan get together with them over chat and they all always say yes lets plan something at the end it is pure blah blah. They cleary did not want me or othe other friend with them.

[NathanDavis]

because they are your friends? and you are their friend... you're supposed to care for friends and to above the bad times and situations...

[kitty71]

If I do reach out at least to one of the ones who did go. What should I say? I mean others may tell me ignore them, do not insist anymore they are not worth it, now I know what type of friends they are but If I did ask one of them I dont know what to ask or even say. I mean it ic clear the birthday lady did not want me there or the other friend, but the birthday lady who I know is mad at me but I knever new why as that happened many months or 2 years ago. But the odd thing is the bday lady sister I do talk to her and she is not mad at me.

[NathanDavis]

well, about how to go about it... you would know better than me, because you know each of your friends and how they are...

[kitty71]

I beleive that if I talk to the friend about the situation it will have to be the birthday lady sister, not the friends who were invited. Dont you think? Fro some unknown reason I sense the birthday lady is mad at me from a long time now but I dont know what I did to her so she is mad at me. I mean how could I know what I did or say to this friend sister if we havnet seen each other or cotnact each other for more than 3 years!!! The bday laady sister is the one more like in contact to the rest of the friends, even if we all know each other. But I could ask the sister about the photo and why I was not taken into the account. Maybe the sister will say (assuming) that her sister did not want me there.
In fact the bday lady sister just also had her birthdauy like one week before her siste but she did not celebrated with the friends. I guess yesterday they celebrated 3 different bidays of friends who coincidentally had theri bdays in similar dates.

Anyway the birthday lady sister I texted her and wish her HB when it was the actual date and she thanked me for it. Also from time to time (not all the time or always I had suggested her lets go out and have some drinks and she always is willing and tell me "YES LETS GO OUT) just her and me but at ht ened the "yes lets go out" never happened because she is busy at her work, or she is on vacations, or she has to pick up her daughter from a friends gathering or she has plans with her duaghter. SHe had been a widower for more than 15 years and she has not remarried again and she is nto even dating either, she has more free time on her hands, the exception is work as her daughter is not a little kid anymore, she is 17 years ol, but this lady hangs out socially a lot with her daughterr just the 2 of them.

[NathanDavis]

you assume... you believe... you make up entire scenarios that are perhaps possible, but they are not real

I just think it is best to actually communicate instead of making up your own scenarios in the head