Do other people find it hard to find genuine friendships?

Question

why is finding genuine friends that won't use you so difficult? I am starting to find friendships pointless since people always want something from. who else has this problem?

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I have some very amazing genuine friendships. But that doesn't mean all my friends are completely selfless. I believe that people usually want something from you, the trick is to be generous and also with something you feel good about giving. For me, I feel completely okay giving lots of praise to people and also performing acts of service. I enjoy being helpful and I also enjoy making people feel good about themselves with something as simple as words. These two of my strongest (platonic) love languages. I am also quite generous with physical touch, I like to hug my friends, and kiss and massage my lovers (and actually, some of my friends, too!)

So does this mean my friendships are fake or people are only friends with me for their nefarious ulterior motives? I don't think so, many of them give me forms of love in return. They will also reciprocate with kind words of affirmation, encouragement, or praise. Quite a few of my friends are also generous with their money and buy me food or do me favors like come to my rescue if my vehicle broke down, or pick me up from the airport when I come to visit. I even had a friend this last Thanksgiving drive to the airport to pick me up, we hung out for a day, then he drove me to my family's house another hour and a half away! He also has family in the area, but it was still really generous of him to do that and spend that time with me.

So what I'm saying is just be you, but also be generous with yourself (in ways you feel comfortable, or that make you feel good, of course). If you do that, you're giving love out into the world, and you will eventually receive it in kind. You will have to make some boundaries and shake off some of the leeches who come and go now and again, who just want to take and give nothing in return.

TommyMountainFigure · Accepted Answer

Most of my good friends I grew up with, others from previous employment. Some online and some through friends of friends.

I think the key to genuine friendship is don't be false with them. Don't lie, even if your intentions are good.

If something is bad, don't try covering it up through rose tinted glasses. Tell them like it is. People may not like it at first, but they will respect it.. Then when the dust is settled they know they can trust you.. After all, everybody knows that the best relationships are formed on trust.

shaysh87 · Accepted Answer

you're gonna find this surprising but I have the exact same problem over the recent years. As you get older, it gets increasingly harder to find friends.

And ironically its the same people who complain about having no friends that are the PICKIEST when it comes to who they hangout with. We aren't even talking about being best friends, we are talking about simply hanging out. Then there are people (without friends) who say they want to meet up but never end up doing it.

here's my advice: making friends happens when you see the same person over and over again bonding over a certain activity you both enjoy doing. You can't make friends by just talking to someone you met at a starbucks line (its possible if you're really charismatic and funny where everyone wants to talk to you) but how many people are like that?

Secret6620 · Accepted Answer

I do with other females. I don't know why it's so difficult to form a genuine friendship with other girls.

In my experience, girls are too competitive, comparative, and just mean-spirited.

Of course not all females are like that but just the ones I've tried to befriend in the past were bloody awful.

I dropped my ex best friend about three years ago because she was bullying me and just gave up on trying to form friendships with other girls after that.

It's not worth the drama or stress.

Anonymous · Answer

YES!
I don't mind giving. I like it in fact. And I think its a way to break the ice by having a need.
People in the US are just to themselves way too much. Can't be bothered to look up from there phone at others. Its an annoyance. On my break I sit in the break room and talk to people who barely glance away from the virtual person on the screen to look up at the human in front of them. Or they look annoyed as they pull the plug out of their ear and say an irritated "what?".
I am always looking for friends. And looking to be a friend.

NathanDavis · Answer

some find it harder... and others just don't find it hard at all

maybe the problem is not that they want to take... but that you don't want to give or dedicate

friendships should go both ways, and is not always 50/50... if you're keeping tabs then you're not being that genuine

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

It's gonna always be hard for people that always want to sleep with others or have crushes on them. What I want in a friend, is exact that... A FRIEND. I don't want a fuck buddy/friend with benefits, I don't want them to have crush on me or get romantic interest in me, and I don't want a friend that's always in need of help.

Anonymous · Answer

I had a great friendship and it’s kind of fallen since he has new friends but it’s still there

I met 2 new girls as friends and from the few days I spent with them I feel a connection I never felt with my friend

So I don’t think I have too much difficulty, the only thing is I live far away from these 2 girls! Ugh!

Flower7 · Answer

I don’t care any more about friendships. The only people I’d want to hang out with are guys that I have a romantic interest in. Platonic friendships with either gender don’t seem to have much to offer me.

Lisa_12345 · Answer

Can totally relate to your situation , even I feel very lonely sometimes but I have come to a conclusion that everyone in life epically friends come to your life based on needs , once they have got their needs fulfilled they aren't in our life anymore. It's only our parents who unconditionally love us. That's the hash reality of life !!

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I’m fortunate that I’m religious so making friends with religious woman has never been hard for me but I left my religious circle for two reasons so I’m now isolated.

wa1t1ngFuture · Answer

I have and it's easy actually. depending on your attitude to your friends and also the attitude of your friends...

TenkRealist · Answer

Relationships are always transactional. Whether it is your love, care, time, skills, knowledge, effort whatever. It just depends on what you're looking for.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

Because it's childish to expect otherwise. Friends always get something from one another, even if it's just validation.

You have to acknowledge that truth and simply find people who use you in a way you enjoy and generally tolerate.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Umm... yeah, I would say I struggle with that. Not so much that I think genuine people aren't out there. I just think that the people I've associated with previously in life have not been respectful.

dustybiker · Answer

Genuine friends usually come from shared experience. If you go through something together. It’s bonding.

Rizwan_khan · Answer

I also find it difficult but at somehow friendship is like doing thing for eachother understand eachother but not only from one sided and same goes to for love also. But you said well that's why i don't have much friend in my life.

Slartybartfast · Answer

I guess I'm lucky , I have a large group of friends I've know since highschool and after returning to college formed another group of friends.

MysticDevice · Answer

Yeah for real. Very few friends stuck with me. People just suck. They always just want something from you. And when you don't give it to them they call you selfish.

Tranquility_Lady · Answer

I feel like it's hard because someone could also pretend to like you or be into you just to keep the peace

appleciderviniger123 · Answer

People don’t always have your best interest and I feel it is very common! Unfortunately I have witnessed it. Sometimes good friends make bad decisions and come back in time after self-growth most times it isn’t genuine I find

3Andronicus · Answer

It's always been extremely difficult for me, so now I just don't bother. I don't mind being alone, I never get bored or lonely because there is always something I can do to fill in the time.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

I hardly have any friends. Tons of aquintances. I dont find a lot try to use me but they are just sketchy can't make plans to lazy to do anything half the time.

exitseven · Answer

It is hard to do. My friends are all people I have known since grade school.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes genuine friendship is hard to come by these days, people have become more greedy and hasty, there are so many distractions and options so people doing feel the need to be a good person or human anymore including myself

kinggeorge007 · Answer

Yes. It's so hard. I almost ditched 80% of whom I've known. Back stabbing bastards.

Juxtapose · Answer

Not me, no. I know who to stick with and who to immediately discard so that saves a lot of time.

baserunner611 · Answer

I have more female friends than male friends for some reason.

noohair · Answer

I believe the word friend has morphed. Most people are acquaintances or co-workers, not friends.

roy_ricky09 · Answer

Not necessarily... Depends on how you connect and content of your discussions.

Jltakk · Answer

Yep, I'm everyones counselor, but thats where things stop. Never had a relationship beyond that and its difficult even having best friends.

IsoUser · Answer

Friendships are essentially established over time not instantaneously.

Robbylee9 · Answer

Yes because evry body thinks you are out for sex that is not true some yes

browndog · Answer

I do as most people just take my kindness for for granted and rip me off

SplatKatieSims · Answer

Yes is more hard to make friends. Had bad experience with some friends.

shadowarrior99 · Answer

Message me for friendship

Kichbazp_ · Answer

Yes its hard but Not Impossible

LavLavLuv · Answer

Yeah kinda hard sometimes

annabananna · Answer

I had that problem when I was your age.

2021biguy · Answer

That's the way the world is heading these days.

Letmejoin · Answer

I have this promblem. 😔

Kkstarzz96 · Answer

me too

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Yep!!

Anonymous · Answer

Not if you become a troll. Trolls have each other

moonpie89 · Answer

Sometimes yes

Joker_ · Answer

no..

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Problem with guys?

BloomingFlower · Answer

Yess

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