Autistic nephew (4) hit my 4 year old daughter, so my daughter grabbed his hand and bent it backwards. Now my sister is mad?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but 4 years olds regardless of them having autism or not do not know what the hell autism is. My sister is mad because my daughter defended herself.. which is what I teach her to do when someone hits her. My sister is mad that I didn’t discipline my daughter for essentially defending herself just because my nephew is autistic. Thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

He’s on the spectrum. Has not been officially diagnosed autistic.

Updates

+1 y

She tried to discipline my daughter and tell her to leave him alone.. and I went back and said that she said he hit her so.. when I walked back to my room, my sister said some shit I couldn’t hear but obviously disagreeing with her son getting back what he dished out.

[caring__1]

If your sister overprotects her son and lets him believe he can do whatever he wants, she's not doing him a service or preparing him for the real world. On the other hand, you may want to teach your daughter she has the right to use reasonable force. She wants to ask herself whether she is using more force than is necessary in any situation. In other words, if someone takes her pencil, does that give her the right to kick him in the balls? This is an opportunity that can be turned into a learning experience for all four of you. Hopefully, all will gain from the experience.

[Asker]

I only teach her to protect herself. He was hitting her and she grabbed his hand that he was hitting her with and bent it backwards. Seems justified in my eyes..

[Asker]

She does over protect him. Yells at and gives her 6 year old daughter time outs but doesn’t do the same for her son when he’s acting out. Because he’s “spectrum”.

[caring__1]

Assisted Behavioral Analysis, or ABA therapy, is very helpful for both the one on the spectrum and the family of that person, but it won't work when the parents believe they know what's best. You can give her some information on ABA, but don't tell her what she should do, or she'll just dig in her heels and rebel. You may want to limit your daughter's time with your 4-year-old nephew, so she doesn't end up confused.

[jahaims]

My daughter is three and my son is one. My three year old knows not to retaliate when her brother does something because he doesn't understand what he is doing yet.

[Asker]

Well yeah… there’s an age difference.

[jahaims]

You missed the point. A child the same as your kid with a mental disability is going to be behind your kid mentally. Similar to an age gap.

[Asker]

No shit lmao.