How do I set this boundary?

[Anonymous]

My parent's partner contacts me often (like everyday) just to chat casually. I find myself annoyed whenever he texts and I'm honestly not that comfortable talking to him. Since my parent is in the hospital right now though I need to be in contact with him to discuss serious matters relating to my parent.

How do I politely set the boundary that I only want to participate in conversations related to my parent's health and no casual conversations?

[Emiliamazing]

Just rehashing what you stated above should work. I agree with Guy. You don’t have to be brash or rude, you just want to be kept in the loop in terms of information dissemination and choices which may need to be made for your parent. You can be caring but not feel the need to have constant casual conversation that doesn’t relate to your mother.

[Asker]

Thank you. Yeah I was hoping that only wanting to be in contact for information wasn't selfish.

[Emiliamazing]

The other points to ponder is it is important to your mother, so it may be comforting to him that you accept him. But you really don’t need to have constant casual conversations. You’re not a young child, you are an adult with responsibilities of your own beyond your parent.

[Emiliamazing]

*as it is important

[Emiliamazing]

@barryliverstone-any thoughts?

[Asker]

She would want me to accept him and he has a problem with feeling accepted. But he's so annoying omg

[Emiliamazing]

I’m sure it’s a little awkward for him, since he is not your biological father. He’s probably just trying to keep the ice broken and feel comfortable. I’m sure you can figure out a kind way to discuss the matter

[Asker]

Yeah I sent what guy said and he said he understands. My only thing is is he actually going to respect my boundary now. Cause he hasn't caught on to the hints I've sent in the past. But this is the first time im clearly saying dont do xyz

[Emiliamazing]

Guy is such a good resource and gift quality feedback. Kudos to you for taking the steps necessary

[Emiliamazing]

Thanks for the MHO 😊

[Asker]

Ofc!!

[Guy13]

What's wrong with saying what you wrote above?

[Guy13]

Please contact me only as it relates to Parent. I am quite busy and it is difficult to check extraneous texts and chat... and I don't want to offend you when I can not reply. I hope you understand and thanks !!!

[Asker]

I'm not exactly sure how to word it. I don't want him to wonder why I'm uncomfortable. Should I just say "I'm going to be honest I'm not willing casually chat about anything not relating to [parent]." I feel like that might be too weak. I don't want to ruin my access to information though.

[Asker]

Oh thats perfect, thank you so much

[Guy13]

You are so very welcome. More importantly, hope all goes well with your Parent.

[Asker]

Thank you!