I have a friend that is having to stay with an abusing husband because she has no place to go. She can’t go back to parents and has no friends to stay with.
She makes $23/hr, has car payments, two kids and she can’t afford her own apartment. This is ridiculous. She has a degree and should be able to afford her own place and car. I make a similar salary and I’m having to rent a room for $450/month. That is only one room to myself.
Yes, the housing market needs to be adjusted and lowered.
No, the housing market is fine.
I doughnut know.
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In your opinion, is the housing market in the USA too expensive?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
There is no reason to stay with an abusive man with your children who are WATCHING YOU BE ABUSED. There are temporary shelters a woman and her children can go to until new housing can be attained. It doesn't seem like she's planned an exit that will work and is throwing up her hands.
She needs to do this for her children AND herself. Abuse will be repeated by her children or to her children because this is what they've witnessed as "normal." Is this what she wants for herself and her children?
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15 Reply
Asker
+1 y
It’s not physical abuse. He doesn’t hit the kids. He’s just a major asshole. Shelters are worse places to stay at.
I told her to seek a higher paying job while living there and saving money to be able to move out and become independent but that’s hard in todays housing market.
She lives in "a beautiful home," but "he's a major asshole," she drives "a Jeep that wastes a lot of gas."
She's living in a beautiful prison with a "major asshole." Does she want her children to thinkt his is normal. She's trapped. Though she'll lose those superficial luxuries, she'll have peace and can start to rebuild her life in a healthy way for herself and her children. He keeps her there with these creature comforts, I expect and uses her as his emotional punching bag.
She probably wonder what the next insult will be and when every day. I'd take the shelter. And I know. I've BEEN in an abusive situation. Emotional and physical. Nothing broken, but destroyed art that I bought with my money from my job, name calling, being slapped, pushed, insulted. Never knowing when he was going to blow a fuse and over what. IT IS NO WAY TO LIVE.
You can't wrap shit in a beautiful home and call it pretty.
So she's digging herself in deeper with this abusive man? See if you can get her to a professional counselor who can lead her away from this man and into help. She clearly does not seem to know how to do it on her own. But. You can' lead that horse to water and not make them drink. SHE has to want to leave. It doesn't sound like she does. There are shelters for pregnant women that will support them through pregnancy. Many, many programs, especially in case of abuse. She also NEEDS A LAWYER to file for divorce and child custody. Sounds like he has money. Alimony will support her. But I don't hear anything about her having the WILL TO DO THIS.
I'd be sick of living this way. Morning sickness does not compare. You can't want it for her more than she does. Sounds like that's the case so far.
Yep and 1/2 that beautiful house and jeep and all the rest are hers in a divorce so it's not that bad to go to a shelter for a few months even to figure that out. But abused people are known to stay with abusers because of this kind of thinking that it's so much worse to be alone or that they have no options. It's the insidious aspect of abuse that it deteriorates the confidence which is what is required to get your ass out. I'm just surprised as her friend with an outside perspective you think staying with someone who is fucking up your mind and traumatizing you emotionally is a better place to be than doing whatever it takes to GTFO and move on to a better life. A shelter is a dream compared to living in a mansion with an emotionally abusive person. I would rather live in my car, or even a tent in the park than deal with that. IDGAF about a Jeep or house, mental health and peace of mind is so much more important than material goods.
I would think her pain from being abused would trump any morning sickness. But from what you're saying, she doesn't have the WILL to get out of this situation. You can't want it for her unless she wants it more. I'd hang back. Advise her that she needs a lawyer for a divorce and child custody and a therapist to support her in getting out of this marriage. If she balks at these ideas, she isn't ready to leave.
it sounds to me like he isn't wanting her to leave, he advised her to stay and get a better paying job, but to just stay for the time being. So I didn't get he "wants it for her".
@zeitgeist057 But he's not living the abuse that she is, so of course it doesn't seem so bad to him. And you're right about victims staying with abusers because they hope they'll get better, or they ARE better for short stints... Vicious cycle.
I don't know. I just asked the same question because I'm considering buying another house closer to work, and mostly funding it by getting a roommate. The 450/month you describe is about enough for the house note on fixer uppers down here.
Me and my wife still owe on our house, but we can save up quite a lot as a house note/insurance is much lower than rent if you find a deal, and pay cash for the repairs. Our house had wiring issues, needs some updating still, and I could make some of the sheetrock work I did look better, not really worth it for now unless it breaks or we sell though.
It is very expensive, and took us years to save up enough and get the credit to secure a mortgage on our first house, then flip it to get a family home without too much of a mortgage over our heads. That's the irony though, once you have that equity in a home, you can make moves on other property much easier.
If you don't have it, it can be tough to get depending on your circumstances.
It is peaking. We saw prices climbing from 2002-2006, and then the market crashed in 2009. At that point my $500,000 town home was suddenly worth about $350K. Despite the huge loss in value, my mortgage company insisted on the same monthly payment- they had a real attitude about that.
Just for shits and giggles, I took a look at the very first apartment I rented back in 1984- were you even born then? It was a nice little place, one bedroom and a nice patio. I think the rent was $400 per month, which was considered a bit high, but it was a brand-new building with two pools. The rent for the same apartment is now $2400 per month in a (now) 38-year-old building.
The housing market is beyond ridiculous. I'm a military veteran and a CO making $52,000 a year plus overtime. However in my city that pay does not help me meet the 3x rent requirement many places require. I do make that much with overtime, but none of the apartments will count my overtime pay, just my base salary. I even had one of the Chiefs write a letter stating that overtime is not going anywhere and that still was not acceptable.
As for buying a house, I have the VA loan but this benefit is next to useless because of the VA's home inspection requirements. Sellers would rather sell their home quickly to someone using a loan that does not require these standards.
It is too much but that's the free market, the government can't lower prices without creating other problems. The best the government can do is help or get out of the way for new construction.
If supply exceeds demand then prices will come down.
The major problems is that housing after the housing market crashed construction plummeted. Turning a shortfall into a huge shortfall. Secondly too many single family homes are built and not single family apartments or condos. Housing issues in most cities are space issue.
Not enough affordable rentals. New rental construction is almost exclusively luxury rentals there is no middle or low income rental properties that exist for low-income people to rent and save money for a home.
You can also throw in there some other issues like trailer parks with lot fees and people being held captive basically.
Companies buying up huge swaths of houses and apartments to turn them into rentals
The repeal of Glass Stegal predictably lead to the housing crash of 2007 , after millions were made homeless the same people who caused the crash created hedge funds that bought up the honesty cheap and then raised rents.
In Toronto, Canada you can't even buy a starter home for much less then 1.1 million and there are very few rental apartment buildings left they have mostly been converted into condos the few rental apartment buildings left are mostly in undesirable areas and a 1 bedroom apartment runs from $1500 to over $2000.00/mth. In an undesirable rough neighborhood.
@Redstang88 according to the real estate board Toronto surpassed Vancouver in prices this spring, but I'm sure there may be isolated cases that are different
The housing market is a catastrophe. Rent prices are just as bad as mortgage prices. I make very good money and can only really afford a tiny condo in town or a broken down trailer/hoarder house about 20 miles out of town if I want any kind of privacy. I think the average price of a new home is about $400k.
Man I remember back in 2018 I was paying for a 1 bedroom apt that was approximately around 800 square foot for $1000 plus utilities. I went to check out that same apartment just a month ago and the rent for the same unit is now $1,578. Nothing new was done to it. If anything I got it fresh off a new modern remodel.
The only thing to adjust is interest rates. Which are very slowly bringing down the prices because the wealthy are still snatching up real estate to avoid massive phantom losses due to inflation. Other than raising rates nothing can be done, any further government interference would be far more detrimental down the line. Things are tough, in time they'll get better but until the velocity of money slows down you'll see a pit of high (er) rates and high prices.
Depends on the region, but in general yes. It's been pretty toxic treating housing as an investment vehicle rather than a fundamental nessesity of life.
It’s not just the US, housing and cost of living have soared past wages around the world. I make just shy of $40/hr and cannot justify paying what it would cost to get a place to myself here
Yes, it’s the reason I can’t get a house anymore and apartments are too much and not worth it because you can’t deduct anything off your taxes and people are always noisy above you and next to you
Yeah, it’s insane almost everywhere, especially for renters
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Honestly, it sounds like "the housing market" is the least of your friend's problems and one she can't control anyway. She'd be much better off dealing with the MUCH bigger problems you mentioned there that she CAN control.
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