Ex Boyfriend has reluctantly agreed to meet - should I go?

[jessij121]

We were together for 3.5 years and lived together for 2 of those years although have been living separately for the last year. My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 weeks ago now as he said the relationship wasn't right and that we hadn't achieved what we should have done. I tried to get him to change his mind at the time but he was convinced it was the right thing to do rather than stay togehter and get even more hurt further down the line. I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks then he text me last weekend to say that he missed me loads and thinks about me every day. I called him today as feeling really upset and he said that it isn't easy for him either and doesn't think we should meet until we are both completely over it as he would really like to be able to be friends in the future. I have managed to convince him to meet me for a drink in 2 weeks time but he was very reluctant about meeting up so soon. My questions are -

- If this isn't easy for him and he missed me why is he so sure that we should break up?

- Should I even bother meeting him for a drink if it isn't what he really wants to do?

- Why do guys still want to be friends after they break up with someone, he says that once we are over the relationship it won't be much different to what it was we can still meet up and do stuff together - what does this mean?

- Any advice on why I should/shouldnt do if I do end up meeting up with him in a couple of weeks?

Thanks!

[ryanrhino]

First of all, what do YOU want? Don't worry about him. All that matters is what YOU want.

There's no harm in being honest, but be careful to not expect anything out of him when you talk to him. See, if you are wanting to talk to him because he'll make you happy, that's dangerous.

He is trying to focus on what he wants and what makes him happy away from you. This may be what broke you up in the first place. I made the same mistake in trying to please my soon-to-be-ex-wife. I wasn't happy when she wasn't.

If you want to simply see him, with no expectations, no harm in seeing him. Don't feel distraught if nothing comes from it, or the meeting doesn't go well. You will probably both be guarded.

You are each in each others' hearts, and, as my brother says, a part of you will always remain. Why can't you be friends? He appreciates who you are, just maybe not as his romantic partner anymore.

Keep the meeting and reflect on it thoroughly if you want to have it.

[7gnat]

He misses you and it isn't easy for him but that does not mean that he thinks things can work out for both of you. Not all guys want to be friends after they break up with their girl. And in my opinion when a guy says lets be friends he does not mean it. I think it is a bad idea to hold on. Moving on will make the pain in your heart go away quicker then trying to keep hope that it will work out between you and him.

[girl_power111]

oh no..u shouldn't have done that. if he message you it means he was feeling your absence... you should not get overexcited and statrt telling him to get back. it won't work. it will push him further away. what you need to do is to tell him that you never wanted to break up with him...that you still love him and want to get back. but as he does not want so you can't talk or meet him till you get over him. then start no contact.

it works like a charm. I am telling you this out of personal experience. trust me.