How do you handle the sad drunk?

[Anonymous]

I have been forever sober by choice. I don't mind hanging out and driving the drinking or drunk friends home because I like knowing they'll get home safe, but the thing is, all of them, save for one, are happy drunks. They drink or occasionally get drunk, they're in a super good mood, they're telling sloppy jokes and giggling a lot...but the one friend gets like three drinks into him and starts going in on how lonely he is, and how everything is horrible, AND actually crying. He does this every time. I have had to drag him off the bar floor, crying, and into my car. I don't get it because sober him is the complete polar opposite of drunk him. He's very popular, well liked at work, he's in a relationship, he has a super supportive family---so where is the sadness coming from and can you fix someone's drunk personality?!?

[Emiliamazing]

We should start with my opinion that you need to keep yourself safe, don't injure yourself trying to get him safely home. He needs to talk to those who care for him when he is sober, about why these emotions come out when he is drinking. I'd like to think that it's not a "cry for attention", but it could be. If it is not him craving the attention, and there truly is a problem then it needs to be addressed, professionally?

Problems tend to amplify the longer you hold onto/refuse to address them.

[Asker]

Very true. That seems to be the consensus here.

[delta50]

That sounds like he’s carrying a lot of depression/anxiety, which could have any number of causes, and he needs to express it but can’t express it while sober.

If there’s any way you can stop dragging his ass off the bar room floor and start dragging his ass into counselling then that would be the ideal outcome.

That being said, you should maintain healthy boundaries. You’re just friends, he has other people to support him and his burdens are not yours. You’re a good person. Do what you can but don’t over-extend yourself.

[Asker]

This thankfully is not an every week occurrence or else I would never. I have patience, but it's not infinite. The only thing about trying to drag someone to therapy is they first have to admit they have a problem and Mr. happy go lucky while sober must me keeping it tucked deep inside because sober he's never expressed any sort of issues with anyone or anything and I think he largely pretends not to remember what happened while he was drunk.

[Pot8o]

From what I understand, alcohol shuts down the frontal lobes somewhat, so it removes your inhibitions. Perhaps this guy is not as happy as he appears on the surface, but in daily life, he can maintain the facade. Then when he drinks, the facade breaks down.

It sounds like maybe this guy needs to learn to address his problems sober, rather than pretend everything is fine.

[Asker]

Sounds like, but then the other issue is sober, I guess he's holding on really hard to the façade and doesn't want to admit anything is wrong or worse pretends to somewhat not remember what happened while drunk. Don't really know how to proceed, but I guess I can keep talking to him sober and see if I can chip away.

[Kuroz090]

That's usually his deep persona coming out. Talk to him about this when he's sober. See what's going on. Just because you "have" everyone, doesn't mean you won't be lonely.

[Asker]

Fair point, thanks

[Iron_Man]

Be supportive if he’s too drunk tell him to sleep it off

[Fromdusktilldawn]

it means he has a depression, when sober he is just better able to hide it behind a facade

[Staximus]

Maybe he can't talk to his girlfriend and family for some reason. Ask him whats bothering him

[Msputiton]

He's depressed. He needs help

[Googlemyahoo]

Make fun of them.

[Anonymous]

I don't deal with drunks.