How cruel is a comment like this?

[Anonymous]

If you had to grade it from a 1-10 scale, how cruel woud you say the comment was?

My younger cousin was undergoing teenaged pregnancy. She first reacted like any normal teenager, in tears, shocked but slowly came to accepting the situtation. Sadly her baby was a stillborn. So one of the family member (male cousin) made a comment like this:

''I'm sorry for what happened. Now don't take it the bad way but girl you're 16 still (her 17th b-day is on Dec). On the bright side, you can now be focused on school and you have your future back. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Raising a child is hard work after all''

That only made her sadder and she ended up crying more. No one in the room liked his comment nor found it relieving. How cruel was his comment?

Updates

+1 y

I know he was trying to make light of the situation but I doubt even a young girl that just lost her baby would find that comforting.

[SnowedIn]

So, your question was how cruel is the comment. The comment was a cruel 25 out of a scale of 1 to 10.

His intentions, the truth of his statement -- that's not relevant (though folks here like @WhitneySnow and others are right).

It's just plain cruel.

But... he's family. He needs to be taught how to not be a thoughtless speaker. And, far more importantly, the focus needs to be on her. Supporting her and helping her heal and get past what is really trauma.

[Asker]

Yes we're all supporting her at this moment, trying to help her with her grieve. She's devastated like any mother that lost her child. She feels empty at this moment. She feels that she has experience the worst sadness ever.
She feels worse than the time she found out she was pregnant.

[Asker]

The guy (her HS boyfriend) is also both sad for her and the baby.

[SnowedIn]

Thanks for the mho! I'm so sorry for you and particularly for her. A teenage pregnancy is its own sort of nightmare regardless of how much the person loves and wants the baby. A stillborn is a crushing sort of hell (my wife and I had one). I grieve for you, your cousin, and your family.

[exitseven]

That was really cruel. Your cousin could be experiencing post partum depression and that was not an appropriate thing to say. i give it a 9.9.

[Asker]

She's now experiencing the most saddest moment in her life. It's like she feels emptyness. She kept crying, saying ''my baby, my baby''.
She got upset with him and told him to leave. At this moment, she isn't talking too much to anyone of us. She's depressed.

[exitseven]

Ya Think? I knew somebody that this happened to and she was really depressed about it.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Kori1236]

Poorly timed and insensitive but he’s also right. But she needs the time to grieve her lost child. She likely made plans that will now never happen. Instead of celebrating a child she has to bury one

[Asker]

Yes she's super sad at this moment. She feels a lot worse than the time she found out she got pregnant. She was so used to having the baby and now she feels emptyness.

[Curiosity2006]

She's sixteen? Who's the father? How did she wind up getting pregnant is what occurs to me! Was it coercive or consensual (pardon me, did she get *aped?)?

[Asker]

Her HS boyfriend. He was there too. He's sad about the news too. He also didn't like that comment.

[Curiosity2006]

Awww that is so lovely! :'( :'( :'(
It's most likely he was trying to comfort her it just didn't end up the way he meant.

[Talia808]

I think it wasn't very thought out at all. Men have a harder time realizing the bond created prior to birth. I wouldn't go as far to say he was being purposely cruel. He was not thinking, total foot in mouth. I hope he apologized.

[Asker]

True it was a bad timing. Even if there is truth to what he was saying, no mother is going to be happy about losing her baby. We're all trying to support her heal with her grieve.
Right now she feels as if it was the worst lost in her life. She feels a lot more sad, a lot worse than the time she found out she was pregnant. She was so used to the baby moving in her belly and having the child to suddenly have to bury her child.

[Tyrael]

It might be in poor taste but ultimately he's not wrong. I'd say like 3 out of 10

[Asker]

True. He was trying to look for the bright side of the situation but she got upset with him and started crying more, telling him to leave.

[Apple1996]

That's a real fucked up comment. I would cut him out of my life for saying that shit if it was me.

[WhitneySnow]

It was very insensitive but he didn’t mean for it to be cruel

[Asker]

True. Yet it didn't comfort her. She got sadder, upset with him and cried more.

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t blame her! I just don’t think he was being intentionally cruel.

[spartan55]

I think cruel is a big leap. Definitely insensitive though.

[Anonymous]

If he's had any of those COVID shots, that doesn't surprise me.

[Anonymous]

It was insensitive and probably poorly timed, but 100% correct.

[slatyb]

That's incredibly insensitive. What an ass.

[Asker]

yeah he really thought he was comforting her. All it did was get everyone in the room upset.