Is there a chance I'll ever fall in love with my husband?

[Anonymous]

We've been married for 4 years (I'm 38 and he's 44) and have a 3 year-old daugther. She's our first and only child. He's a great companion, great father and we rarely argued. My family and friends adore him. He was liked from the beginning.

I love and care for him but I've never been in love with him. The sex is ok but I'm not lusting over him nor experienced those intense emotions. I don't mind never experiencing it (we still have respect and trust too) but is there a chance I'll ever fall in love with my husband?

Updates

1 y

When we do it, there are times the only way to get an orgasm is to think about someone else; it works.

[JamesDiaz11]

It's possible, but those butterflies of infatuation and sexual excitement are miniscule in importance to having a life partner, who is there for you.

I've been in love several times, been infatuated, and had sex with dozens of girls and I would trade it all in a second if I had one person who I knew loved me, and accepted me for who I am.

It's like the adage: "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels."

[Asker]

yeah those feelings fade anyways... they don't last for too long. Though at times I wish I lusted for him but ok, I don't. I love him as my husband and father of my girl.

[JamesDiaz11]

From someone who has chased that excitement and lust, do not go down that rabbit hole- it never ends. Every person will get boring to you, or let you down in some way, while the the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side.

For example: my last girlfriend I was with for four years. I bought the engagement ring, and we were all but married (living together, lives interwoven), but because our sex life wasn't where I wanted it to be (maybe once every few weeks) I started flirting with others until I cheated- and she found out. Four years down the drain for some average sex with a new girl... It was exciting for an hour, and I destroyed what could have been my family, kids I'll never meet, and stability.

[Asker]

yeah you sure destroyed it all. At this point I really don't care too much about the infatuation stage nor if I'm lusting too much over him. It would be idiotic of me to cheat on a decent husband and father of my daughter; no one deserves to get cheated on.

[Summeroflove]

Maybe you need therapy. The good thing is that you get along good and you love him. There is a chance.

But stand by him. Never run around on him. Because you love him and care for him and he’s a good husband and good father.

Pray about it. Maybe therapy as I said. As long as you’re happy with one another great

[Asker]

I'm committed till the end. I'm someone of principles that takes her vows serious, even if I'm not lusting for him.

[Summeroflove]

Amen! Well that is a good thing for sure

[SeriouslyFunny00]

That's the challenge when it comes to commitment. It's not all rainbows and butterflies in a relationship, time will come couples won't feel that spark anymore. But one thing's for sure that will connect you to each other, which is love and friendship. Try to make him your best friend and you'll see yourself naturally falling in love.

[Asker]

Yeah having that spark would be great but if not, I'm happy with having him in my life as my life companion and father our daughter; our bundle of joy.

[Mafia24]

What kind of relationship is this?
Did you had sex with someone else?

[Asker]

Nope. I don't cheat. I made my vows and that to me is permanent, regardless of where I'm in love with him or not.
When we have sex, I think about a past lover from my younger years. That's the only way I get to have orgasm, just imagining about my husband nothing happens.

[Asker]

When we met, I told him my purpose of dating was to get married and be a mother. I was straight forward on that. I didn't care about whether we're compatible in bed or passionate love. I cared getting married to have a child.

[Mafia24]

But sexual desire is more important than love specially for woman's. No?

[Asker]

Ideally it would be both but sometimes in life you can't have everything. Then you just have to accept that there are important priorities.

[Mafia24]

I have sexual relationship with 40yr old woman she had same story as you... I told her whenever you need sex I'm here to help you. She had high sex drive. She planning to divorce. I told her don't divorced at this age just for sex. I can help you out whenever you need..

What's your priorities?

[Asker]

I don't believe in cheating and never cheated on a man ever. Even if you're not in love with them, cheating is of low character. As for divorce, it would have to be either abuse or getting cheated on. I actually do wish I could one day feel infatuated with him.

[Anonymous]

Would it surprise you to find out you weren't his first choice either?

[Asker]

Not really. After a certain age, everyone has a past and you tend to get what's available at the time. If I had asked for more and continue being more picky, I would've still been single and childless. There was a point I didn't care whether I fell in love or not (the infatuation period isn't forever anyway); I was focused on already having kids.

[Anonymous]

Just divorce him. That's what most women do now.

[Asker]

So you have to feel infatuation? What's wrong with not loving him in that manner? I can get used to the idea of likely never falling in love with him and loving him as the father of my daughter and life partner.

[Pterodon]

Nope. You settled

[Asker]

Yet I'm happy in my own way. Perhaps I'm not my husband's 1st option either but just like I'll never tell him that, he'll never say it either.

[Pterodon]

The reality is this is the majority of relationships

[Asker]

True. I think even relationship that started with the infatuation stage, they also become like ours at some point so it's no different in the end.