Falling in love with a married man?

[Anonymous]

I find myself developing feelings for my married boss, and our relationship has been progressing in a way that makes me question my emotions. There are several instances that indicate his attraction towards me: His body language often shows signs of attraction, such as leaning towards me at times. He occasionally tilts his head sideways, stares at me for no apparent reason, which suggests a certain level of interest. He frequently gives me compliments, further indicating his attraction. He has opened up about his personal life, sharing details that demonstrate a level of intimacy between us. We engage in continuous texting, maintaining daily communication. He remembers and pays attention to every single detail I share with him, showing a deep level of interest. While I genuinely like him, it's important to note that he consistently talks about his wife in a platonic manner, neither praising nor criticizing her. This suggests that he is committed to his marriage. Some days he even suggests that I should find a boyfriend and drops subtle hints about the need for me to pursue another man. These mixed signals are causing confusion for me. On one hand, I sense his romantic interest in me, but on the other hand, he seems committed to preserving his marriage. I feel overwhelmed by guilt and selfishness for being involved in this situation. So, what should I do?

[richardcory]

You know what a minefield this is. He's your boss AND he's married

He probably finds your attraction exciting - and it makes him feel guilty - but he still likes it. If this continues, it is very likely to turn into an affair. Sometime the situation will just be right. Both of you will want. it. It will be wonderful - the excitement of someone new, of being with someone each of you has desired and fantasized about for a long time.

But then? If you keep having an affair on the side it will have to be hidden, it will feel sordid, dirty. Maybe he will leave his wife to be with you? But are you really good for each other, or is this just fantasy / lust?

I know of three workplace affairs. One ended in them getting married, after he divorced his wife. One ended in divorce but no ongoing relationship. One ended in them being unable to be near each other, and needing to find different jobs.

I won't judge - but I think you know what you are getting into.

[Asker]

How long it took them to settle the divorce? I guess I would end up in 1 or 3

[richardcory]

I don't know how long the divorce took. But I just remembered another case of an affair that is resulting in a very long and ugly divorce - more than a year now, and it looks like the lawyers may get most of it. (as far as I can tell, she was asexual, he cheated, she divorced him).

[slatyb]

Tell him to that you would prefer to keep your relationship professional from now on. Look for another job or another position in your company.

[_Maya_]

You should focus on work and leave those thoughts behind you. He is married. That is all you need to know. Do you really want to be a home wrecker? That's what you'll be known for. Nothing stays secret forever. Second, don't get involved with a boss. Things go south and think what he could do. It could cost your job in the end.

[On_cloud_wine]

If things went south, what could he do? Just curious if your example matches my own experiences

[_Maya_]

@On_cloud_wine I'm guessing he could do quite a bit, the easiest being making her life at work a living hell. I don't know what she does but just imagine what a boss could do to make you miserable and try to get you to quit. Poor performance reports. Shit tasks, etc etc.

[On_cloud_wine]

Exactly.. your guess is exactly what I experienced
.. you’re only 23. Impressive..

[_Maya_]

I'm just thinking in my head what could happen potentially. Doesn't look good in my head so I expect real life is no different.

[Asker]

@On_cloud_wine I guess he would quit his job. The only reason he stayed on was because of me

[cjdiqnrncoqbeofna]

he sounds like he's messing with you tbh. its best to stay out of someone's relationship. if he's showing signs towards you, who knows what other women he shows these signs to? if it were me, I'd give it up and maybe even quit if it comes to that and you're in a good place to do so.

[Akam93]

Ask him if he's really committed to his marriage or interested in getting a divorce.

[LiamJHayden]

"Feelings" can be liars and should always be tested by logic and reason.

[boggboss]

Not try to get with a married man

[boggboss]

Loke do u expect him to end his marriage and get with u and then think he will be loyle to u when he has already shown u he is willing to chest

[boggboss]

Chear

[boggboss]

Cheat lol

[Wise4myage]

That's a total waste of time.

[Tragee78]

Women like you will bust hell right open.

[Asker]

Perhaps... I don't know... I'm lost

[Tragee78]

You and your dignity.