Partners Family is Always Fighting. Can it work if I don't want to visit her family all the time?

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

She assured me that they would never fight Infront of guests.
Everytime I've visited, there was constant fighting from start to finish. Frankly I don't want to visit them anymore, it's uncomfortable and awkward.
I told my girlfriend this, but she keeps inviting me, promising me that they won't fight, but they always do. The last time I visited was really bad, and I'm way too stressed to deal with that right now.
How do I get through to her?
Can it work if I don't want to visit her family all the time?

[Anonymous]

Well, the bad news is its particularly hard to divorce a person from their family. Even if they fight all the time, and you don't get why they can't stop for an hour, the person you like, is still willing to put up with them AND she wants you to come along because she considers you important enough not to try and hide this part of her life and considers you worthy of being there. Take that as a huge compliment. It's tough because you may not be used to seeing families act this way and you'd rather do a million different things, but considering she keeps inviting you, means it's probably important to her that you're there.

Maybe the thing for you to do is put boundaries on it. Let her know you're super stressed being there and that you want her to have whatever quality time with her family that she needs for herself, but you're agreeing to say, an hour, and you're out if there is fighting.

[Nomina]

Of course it can work. I think on your end, you need to find some coping mechanisms. Or make a plan when there to not be around the fighting or a way to distract yourself.

Hell, I would try to find the entertainment value in that fighting but your girlfriend may not like that, lol.

I don't know if this is a matter of getting through to her but reducing your exposure to them? Say no more. At the very least for the next time she invites you, say no and go from there. And talk to her about how the two of you can handle this when you're over there and the family is fighting.

What do you do now when you're around this?

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

I try not to pay attention or go sit on the couch, or my girlfriend will start talking to me to distract me from them.. They live in a condo, so it's very close quarters. Definitely like the reducing the exposure idea, however if I keep saying no, im worried they will think I don't like them.

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

Also! She wants me to cook something for them. Last time I helped my girlfriend cook something, everyone complained about it, and made my girlfriend cry. It was a pork katsu soup, and I had 3 bowls, it was amazing...
How can I cook for them if I'm sure they will bash me? It's not very inviting

[Nomina]

Well, do you like them? It's okay not to spend time with your SO's family everytime she asks. Do you see it as an obligation? Does she see it as an obligation?

Is there anything about the fighting that could be worth laughing about? Y'know, just seeing it from another perspective.

[Nomina]

Ask her what they like. What's a dish or two that they collectively like and go with that.
Don't try so hard to impress. Go simple.

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

They're okay individually, but when all together, it's very toxic lol. We don't feel obligated to see our families. I know she wishes they wouldn't fight, and hoped that when I visited that they wouldn't, but that wasn't true... it's like she wants to keep trying, but it's futile.
The initial mundane arguments are funny, I chime in sometimes... but it quickly escalates to underlying issues and people start crying and things start slamming.

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

They like their Greek food... I don't know any Greek stuff. The grandma will constantly bicker and complain if it isn't Greek food and will straight up start saying racist things about whatever culture the food is from. This has started many of these arguments at the table.

[Nomina]

Hmm. Yeah, I get the dynamic. Personally, I would decrease my exposure to them for the time being.

[Nomina]

Try the simplest greek dish you can find on youtube. It's a start.

[TadCurious]

I don't blame you for how you feel about this. I wouldn't want to be around that crap either. I would just make it clear to your girlfriend that you have better ways to spend your time.

[slatyb]

Don't go. She can decide if that's a deal-breaker for her.