LONG TERM COUPLES: How do you balance the time you spend with his family and with her family?

[OlderAndWiser]

"Young man, one day you'll understand what I'm talking about and you'll understand that I was right!"

There are so many jokes about in-laws, but having conflict with either set of parents can lead to conflict within your relationship. How much time you spend with one family versus the other family may be seen as evidence of favoritism and I know some couples that alternate major holidays (Thanksgiving with his parents and then Christmas with her parents this year, Thanksgiving with her parents and Christmas with his parents the next year.)

Is this something that you and your partner try to address to avoid conflicts? How do you decide where to spend your holidays?

We alternate holidays with one or the other

One family is quite far away so we naturally spend most family time with the family that is closer to our home

Both families live quite far from us so we don't spend time with either one

One family is not very accepting or friendly, so we spend most of the time with the other family

We don't have any plan to balance the time between the two families

We are both alienated from our families

Something else that I'll explain in a comment

[Massageman]

A is pretty much the closest to our situation.
We simply schedule a dinner for the respective holiday on a day that has not already been taken. Yes, some of the families tend to pick a certain "eve" or "day of". Personally, I am happy if we get to host after the actual holiday- we can make good use of the "post-holiday" sales!

[Massageman]

by the way -
Thank you for including a wide selection of potential responses- it's much better than a yes/no- big/tiny- suck/blow- pair of polarized choices.

[Massageman]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Sparkie460]

For holidays our families ate dinner at different times so we can have dinner with each side then we came home and dessert with just my wife and kids. Every Sunday we alternated between my parents and my wife's parents. We don't have to do that anymore because both sets of parents have passed on.

[Sparkie460]

Thanks for the mho

[Aerissa_Jade]

Not long term, but recently married, we are planning rotating every other year for holidays.

One thing I will say about 'families' is not to judge all by a few. There is a large compassing group and some on both sides are going to suck, some are going to be good. Don't let those bad ones taint anyones opinion for the rest.

[TransAm85]

Half my husband's family is in Mexico, but it was a blast to go meet them all. The rest are in here in Milwaukee and I spend more time w/his family than mine. Most of my family has passed, but I incorporate my little bro in many gatherings. My mother and my husband never did nor will ever get along. lol

[Mia-Wallace]

My husband's parents are dead. He has an aunt and an uncle who are in Sweden and America. We see them sometime, but he doesn't have much of a relationship with them.

He's a member of my family at this point. My father loves him like a son and he loves him like his own father.

I never needed to balance anything.

[Starlight007]

I just wanted to say that I am a single ladies👯‍♀️.

[Starlight007]

Also though good question!

[OlderAndWiser]

Thank you, ma'am.

[Emiliamazing]

We see one set of parents because they are within a few miles, we take at least one trip if not two, back to see his folks and extended family. It’s two different situations with different focuses. Good times all around

[meetkitty123]

His family are cruel. My family basically adopted my husband and we spend all our time with mine but its not like we didn't try to make things work with his... All attemptd failed

[JohnK123]

Well good on ur family then

[Anonymous]

for holidays, we do my house and then his house (my family is usually early and his usually does stuff late). not a big deal. i guess it helps we all live in the same state? otherwise it'd be different for sure.

[snackthatsmilesback]

We've never alternated holidays we just go to both normally. All members have schedules so they're not usually on the same day, or not at the same time, anyway.

[Sixgunsound]

My family seem to be angry and bitter and unaccepting of our marriage so we just don’t go to their events anymore.

[Pudsmucker]

At least you have family that wants to share with you.

[Twalli]

We'd probably alternate holidays, but before it was an issue to consider COVID-19 hit.

[Anpu23]

Her mom lives with us. Her father hates me so bad he tried to have me killed. And my mom avoids us and my father lives outside of the state. So we pretty much just stay home.

[TheReturnOfTheK1ng]

Do you still have family?

[OlderAndWiser]

My mother and step-father are still alive. I have a brother, aunts, cousins, second cousins, and third cousins who I see on a regular basis. My family has lived in this area for 232 years. (We don't move very often and, when we do, we don't move very fast.)

[soulbabe]

We don't we try to avoid our familys

[Sixgunsound]

We avoid mine so I know how half of that goes.

[soulbabe]

@Sixgunsound my family is as toxic as it gets ( lier's, rapists, addicts , murders, physical mental emotional financial abuser's,) his family are just lazy

[Sixgunsound]

Well damn, mine are just bitter and angry. Sorry you had to grow up in that environment.

[soulbabe]

@Sixgunsound it's alright in my brain it's normal until I was 15 I thought everyone's life was like mine wasn't aware that it wasn't normal to be slammed into a wall and choked half to death because you beat your cousin at a video game. or that it wasn't normal for your mom to tell you to leave the house and go to the park at 1 in the morning so she could get high and fuck her boyfriend. But it wasn't all bad I got to see sea world and go horseback riding. i just tend to get annoyed when people tell me how easy my life was because they see me smile and laugh and think they know dick about my life I always thought it was funny like sweet heart ever noticed the people who smile no matter what are usually dieing inside

[jahaims]

We do double holidays

[Sketti2021]

C

Thank God