I had an interesting conversation with my husband's brother and sister-in-law. Just curious what everyone's views are on screen time for little ones. I am not talking teens. I am talking the real young children that are just discovering tech.
For those of you with kids, what is your policy? For those without, what do you think the appropriate rule should be for time with tablets and other tech in a day?
Honestly, I don't like it,... But I'm not entirely against it, after all, they're using ipads for their classes already.
But the kid is still developing and having them hooked on social media sounds like a horrible idea. It'll turn them into the kid I hate the most... the spoiled brat having a tantrum in the supermarket because they couldn't get that one toy. If they want to look at that screen they've got to earn it.
Food has to be finished, room has to be cleaned up, feeding the pet... You can get them involved early on before all the social media in chores. You'll be spending quality time together, and you'll teach them basic life skills and responsibility. Example. Cooking together, a meal they love, let them help you, and create that dish and enjoying it together at the table is a good reward on its own. Rewarding good behavior. They can watch tv, but I won't give them their own ipad or phone. Too young for that. And let's be real, the internet can be a scary place. Even this site. In my opinion this is a very good site to learn things without having to hurt your head like we had to, but what I don't understand is that there are minors on this site and yet some people our age still think it's okay to post freaking nudes on here. A day or two ago, some guy did that, really makes me want to punch him in the mouth. Anyway, the internet has access to so many things and you can't always be there when your kids are online, but you can if you limit their use of it and are in the room together. They're still small, so the videos will be a cartoon or about animals, etc.. But they're still developing, so young, and have a lot to discover and it's up to us to allow them to do so, to discover, and not teach them that freetime equals Screen time, because that's how you get another zombie for the horde. Could an event day in town where they show off a demo of their club, fitness, gymnastics, martial arts, dance, ... Let them see that stuff, maybe there is something out there that makes their eyes beam with curiosity. Let them see what you do for fun. I used to draw, seeing a kid draw melts my heart. Makes me want to draw with them. Makes me want to teach them how to draw a T-Rex because he happens to love dinosaurs. Birthday comes up, you give them a book about dinosaurs. He can draw his favorite dinosaurs from the book, and learn about them, brings us to screentime, informative documentaries about dinosaurs. How one little activity you enjoy can have the kids grow comfortable with as they see it more often, spiral into more activities around that. Social media isn't a bad thing, but we shouldn't teach them that social media is the definition of fun.
I think that is the thing we all have to come to terms with. It is being implemented in schools and tech is here to stay. I do like the examples that you give to link non tech activities with tech related (or screen time) activities. That is a really good approach. Thanks so much for the opinion.
Ya... for us too, we're expected to have a computer, an internet connection for our studies or work. Time's are changing. But we can limit that use for the kids, that there is more out there to do than looking at a monitor and we can teach them responsibility and duty as the priority over screen time
That brings up the whole reason this was being discussed between my husbands family. His brother and sister-in-law have a young girl. She is limited to screen time. Dad, on the other hand, uses those devices for work.
She is at that age where it is "not fair" that she can't use them when she wants but he does all the time, even though his reason is not playing games. It is for work. Just an interesting situation that prompted the question.
I don’t think anyone under 11yo has any business on social media (SM) period! I think by 12 kids should be allowed to use a carefully curated social media site and games for no more than an hour a day, and by 13 may be increase the total screen time to 90 mins a day (including games), while still staying on children only SM! I don’t think children under 16 have any business on adult SM sites. The other day a supposed 13yo girl asked a sexual question here on GaG in the sexuality forum and was getting advise on sex from grown middle aged men, now I have my doubts as to whether it was REALLY a 13yo girl, it seemed extremely suspicious, and very troll like, but still WFT does GaG allow kids as young as 13 on adult sexuality forums for? I know if I was an FBI agent I would be opening a case and paying the offices of GaG a visit over that! Studies show clearly that social media changes the brains of children and leads to increased anxiety, depression, altered and disturbed body image, and increased levels of suicide and attempted suicide! I know one thing MY children will NEVER be allowed to use social media thats also used by adults! When I first started on GaG I was 17 and I used my picture in my profile, I was INUNDATED with sexual solicitations every day from middle aged men particularly, but all aged adult men in general! How GaG still allows minors in the sexuality forum is beyond me and is a crime in my opinion! Just know this, the creators of these apps, websites, and software DO NOT allow THEIR children to use the apps, games, or software daddy created, and they send their children to special schools where they don’t allow any electronic devices, and all homework/assignments are done on paper with pen or pencil! That should tell you everything you need to know about the effects off these “harmless” apps, software, & games on children! If facebook, twitter, and YouTube were harmless, then Gates, Dorsey, Wojcicki, Musk and Zuckerberg would allow THEIR children to use them, but they categorically do NOT!
Very true about the social media aspect of it. I was more addressing the general use of tech, like playing games or using apps. It was an interesting conversation with my husband's brother and his wife.
Interesting as they limit their daughters time (understandably) but the father doesn't follow the same rules. It isn't because he doesn't want to. It is because is "screen time" is using devices for work. So, interesting how the daughter looks at it as her dad is allowed but why am I not?
You brought up a very important topic. Whereas I focused on social media, the numbers I quoted apply to TOTAL screen time, I just know that if it’s a girl she will likely spain the majority of that time on social media, whereas boys will likely spend their time playing video games. But thank you for pointing out that I was less than clear. My times were for TOTAL Screen Time, not just SM. Thanks again Priya.
Such a great question.
I believe that no screen time is excessive in one direction and unlimited is excessive in another.
There are plenty of studies that will suggest a certain amount of time per age and I respect those studies and their scholars, but I blanche at the idea of running a family with matrices and schedules.
The adage everything in moderation applies. And, to what @wicked_witch so expertly said, the real concern is habits. In a day you have eating, sleeping, bathing, and later you add school. The remainder of the time should be learning and playing. Into that time add some screen time just don't make it open ended or an all the time thing. Be the consistent parent: "we're going to watch one show" and then end it or "sure, play your game for 30 minutes and then we'll go kick a ball around" not because your checking minutes off from your checklist but your teaching that child that there are limits to everything and you're helping them understand that we don't do all things all the time.
The other thing is to not be rigid but again be consistent. Children CRAVE consistency and predictability. But rigid doesn't work. Situations adapt and so should the parent.
Finally, there's behavior modeling. So if a parent is going to tell a child "you can have no screen time" or "only X minutes of screen time" but then the parent is on their device all the time, you have lost the credibility battle (and that may spill over to other areas as well). And it won't matter to say, "oh, I need to be on my device for work [fill in the blank reason why]" -- that nuance is lost on a child and rightly so.
I find the whole limiting screen time but then parents not adhering to the same rules an interesting take on this. That is something that was being discusses. My in-laws are guilty of this. They have a little girl that loves the iPad.
She gets to use it when done with school work for a while. More on the weekend as long is she is getting physical activity. However, the parents do not stick to the same rules.
Yes, and I can actually sympathize with my brother in law. He isn't playing games on it. He is doing work related stuff. Their daughter doesn't understand that though at her age. She just sees him using one and she was limited.
Very interesting views so far from everyone.
This is SUCH a good question.
I'm in this exact situation. I try to keep screen time for like 2 hours but as I work from home sometimes it goes on too long. The games my son plays are at least educational and deal with matching colors to shapes, numbers, etc.
My son is autistic and I've found that this has helped him a lot. But yes, limits are very important.
Very good opinion. I think that is a reasonable approach, especially with educational games, etc. Very much good if it helps him. Thanks so much for the opinion.
Thanks so much for the question! I'm glad I'm not alone in dealing with this. 🤗
Thanks for the MHO! 😊
Opinion
20Opinion
u Once again, congratulations to you and your new husband!
As for screen time? My wife and I keep it minimal with our son. He's still young (not even three years old yet), but we don't let him actually play with our devices. We don't want him getting wired on it or forming his brain. Plus, all the filth that's out there...
We might let him watch some videos every now and then, but most of the time, it's when we're brushing his teeth. And ironically, it's usually a video of Cookie Monster.
My mom shows him a lot of alphabet videos, but I'm going to need to talk with her soon to find out just how much he watches.
Thanks so much! So, yeah, this was a conversation that came up. It is interesting how people handle it different ways. The really interesting part is how do you limit a child but then not yourself?
Eventually, they will start to wonder why them and not you, right? That is what brought this up talking with my husband's brother and his wife. He uses them for work... a necessity. Their daughter complains why she is limited. Even though young, she is picking up on this.
That is in fact something else I've talked about with my wife. We need to spend less time on our devices too.
Now the thing with us is that my wife's job also requires it (she has an iPhone issued to her for work). Things have been incredibly busy for her, especially now, with Pope Benedict XVI having died.
Interesting question, and one that my husband and I haven't discussed (but will need to when the time comes). We're both raised differently in how much time we were allowed and other rules regarding technology. For example, my dad went kicking and screaming into the 21st century when it came to technology. My grandmother and mother discouraged time in front of the TV (or, as my grandmother called it, the "boob tube"). I wasn't allowed more than two hours of TV per week except for news and the occasional educational documentary. I had no cell phone until after high school (in retrospect, that was a good thing). My internet use was supervised. In contrast, my husband grew up with technology (and is still Mr. Tech) and didn't have too many restrictions; he was allowed to use it once homework and any chores were done. When we have children, I think finding a balance between the two extremes is what we're going to have to do.
Thanks so much! Yes, this was something that came up in discussion with his family just sort of out of nowhere. Interesting how so many people have ever so slightly different views.
It’s a difficult choice with me niece. She’s brilliant, well behaved, well liked… she’s almost never in trouble. Considering that it don’t feel right telling her no. My brother, her father, half assed tried to keep her screen time down but it’s applied unevenly from what I’ve seen.
If it were me it wouldn’t depend on the screen time so much as what she’s doing and what she could be doing. My niece is in dance class, piano classes, manages school on the a b honor roll, has friends, talks to family, helps around the house and never argues when I ask for help. Lol sound like I’m lying about having the perfect niece… the thing is my brother and his family live on 8 acres and there’s no kids to play with.
So no I don’t wanna control her screen time. There’s not much else that’s better for her to focus on.
Sounds like she is very active. I think in her case there is less to worry about with excessive screen time considering all the activities she is involved in, even just around the house. Being honour roll certainly takes work as well.
She’s incredible. I’ve never seen such a well behaved child. She lacks in desire though… tried asking her what she wanted for Christmas and the damn brat gave me the world peace answer for 15 minutes…She says “I just want everyone to be happy”. She has nothing she’s really interested in or open about or chases… other than that she’s somewhat difficult to feed… so picky she eats her bean and cheese tacos without the tortilla… but brilliant. I have a Minecraft server the family plays on. This kid learned Minecraft so fast and immediately understand and explains some of the most complicated parts of Minecraft to me and my brother in such a way we can nearly visualize what she’s saying…
I’m helping raise the perfect being…
Aww! That is so great that you get to spend so much time with her. Sounds like a fantastic kid. Keep involved with her. She will look back and appreciate every moment of it. 🙂
Yeah… but on the other hand it’s painful seeing her and not truly having one of my own… I’m not popular with the ladies I lack that… pizzazz LOL.
I’m Uncle Matt. I bring the science projects, play the duet on the piano with her, arts and crafts, and my brother and his wife aren’t the touch types so sometimes I’m the hug pillow when she just wants a hug… though she’s smart enough that might just be for my benefit LOL.
Congratulations on getting married, I hope you are having a lovely time!
Getting to the question at hand, my children are still too little, but I agree that putting some limits to screens and videogames can be a good thing to help them enjoy other things and go for other enterprises.
One of the (admittedly few) good parenting things my mother did was making me put down the PSP or book after some time to make me accompany her for a walk or do something with her such as playing a board game, when she was in a good mood.
Thanks so much! It was a wonderful day. I hope your New Years has been good so far. I did see that you are officially expecting. Congratulations!!
I agree completely. I think, as others have mentioned, we have to accept that tech is here to stay and putting limits on this is what is key. Making sure children get outdoor activity and not just glued to a screen. Thanks for the opinion and congrats again!
Yay!! He’s officially your husband! 🥰 congrats girl!! I dont think I have seen you since the wedding!
Also… lol! Yeah id say that I’m not supper worried about screen time as much as I am just worried that it is fair. So like if it’s a nice day nock it off and get your butts out side! But if it is a rainy day then whatever kid play a game read a book I’m fine with whatever. But keep it fair and fun. If there are any fights or too big of discussions I’m taking it away. Lol! I do t want my kid playing with screens obviously too much so I mean I would try to limit it to an extent. But I’m also not too worried about it.
Thanks so much! Yes indeed. Husband he is now. This was a conversation we were having with his brother and sister-in-law earlier today. Just got me curious what people thought about it. I see a great deal of variation as to approach on screen time. Thanks for the opinion!
Yeah it’s a messy subject. A lot of people don’t yet know what to do with their kids as far as screen time. I know some that are super strictly about Luke only an hour a day. And I mean I might try something like that when they are young. Just because I dont want them glowed to a tv as toddlers but at a point I’m not too concerned.
A bridge I will have to cross in the future for sure. Just interesting to see everyone's perspectives on it.
For sure! Anyways! Nice to hear from you! Hope you have a good evening!!
Well with my little sister (9) uhm when I was living with her and my mom, I was the one to be the "parent" to all three of us and I allowed her only max 1 hr/day.
Since I moved out, I push my mom to be the mom and make decisions and try to be less controlling myself soo yeah... now she is min. 3hrs/day on her devices... but I have installed a child tracker thing on her phone and ipad, so I see everything she does and for how long and I have still an off time from 10pm to 5 am on all her devices.
Overall for me it's important that the kids nowadays grow up with the new technology, cause now it's part of their life and it's going to stay.
But I make sure to supervise it and definitely talk a lot about behavior on the internet, dangers, safety stuff and all the good things. Also my little sis already has an awareness of how advertisements work and that people on the internet put on a persona etc and yeah. I have a weekly talks with her.
I agree that tech is now a part of life and we have to accept that as we become parents. It is so interesting to see everyone's approach to this. Very helpful and I agree important to make sure children are safe on the internet. Thanks so much for the opinion!
Yeah I think it's more important that kids learn how to use the internet in the right way and parents educate themselves and their kids on it 🙏🏼
I let my kids have as much as they want but.. they have to do homework, pray and clean their room besides that do what they want, and I keep an eye on what they are watching because there is a lot of stupid stuff on youtube. As for my ex he used to feel differently but since we been apart he has been letting them have more screen time so they don't bug him lol
This is fascinating to see all the different approaches to this. I honestly do not know that any one way is right or wrong but very interesting to see how different people handle this. Thanks for the opinion.
It's rather stupid to limit such, when even schools are recognising it's benefits.
OK sitting watching Youtube all day isn't good for anyone, any more than sitting watching TV all day is. But if the kid is gaming with friends online, on discord and chatting, facetiming granny and all such, then you should be PROUD he is developing his social skills that way.
You're younger than me so don't have the same experiences where most of our lives were "offline". We'd go to the movies, chat in restaurants, page each other to meetup, talk on the landline, etc etc. Kids now are doing most of that online instead.
The whole idea is to become part of a useful community.
I don't think it's healthy to have set times honestly. That makes the kid look forward to it. Having no limit is in a way more healthier as long as you're making sure other activities are taking place and they're not just watching something all day.
Though my kids will never have their own ipad, tablet, phone, laptop, tv etc until they are at an age I think it's okay. Probably not until preteen.
But sometimes I just want to sit down and watch a movie or tv show so it would be hypocritical of me to deny that to them.
I think a lot depends on what they are doing. I know my brother and I had way too much, but we were learning about how computers work. How to program them. How to make them do things that weren't intended. How to build them.
I think for kids playing games etc, there should be a limit. NO tablets after bed time!
Happy New Year!
Yep, I agree some sort of limit on it. Happy New Year to you as well! 🙂
Well first and foremost, when I have kids, they will not have smart phones until high school at the very earliest. That is far and away going to be my main rule.
I'm not sure how long for exactly, but they won't be watching any movies or TV shows without me or mom present if we haven't seen them ourselves.
That is not a bad rule to not have mobile phones to a certain point. I think the biggest problem is that schools are becoming so dependent on this tech that children are going to wonder why they cannot have it at home.
Thanks for the opinion!
I agree regarding the schools too - aside from a class teaching Microsoft office products at about the same level as an entry-level college "Compsci 101" class, there's really no need to rely on digital media to run a classroom. In fact, my school district aggressively banned phones and even calculators (the latter was permitted only in advanced math classes) and would actually confiscate them and fine the students for infractions. Whether it was intentional or not, my school district had higher grades and higher college acceptance rates compared to our neighbors who were issuing school laptops at the time. This went out the window by the time my sister graduated 8 years later though. Fixing the education system requires a lot more than just this though, and it's a subject of its own. I think I would do whatever it takes to have my kids homeschooled instead at this point.
I was at the age/generation where at my school, computers and computer education was very common. Not this tablet stuff that exists today.
I don't think it matters. it's better to let kids pick their own hobbies and interests.
Parents tend to try and plan out their child's schedule and life for them, and to me thats too controlling, and its taking away their identity to make them how you would want to be, rather than how they would want to be.
What matters is that they see as much as possible of what there is, then they can prioritize/pick how they want to spend their free time after seeing what exists.
Fair enough. I was just curious to see different views on this. It seems like it is not for or against but a lot of in between as well.
I do not have kids yet, but want to start trying later this year. So, it is just a question of interest to me. Thanks for the opinion!
You're welcome priya, and I don't have kids either, and ultimately, when kids become adults, they will do what they want, so any attempt to create an "ideal" offspring, will be met with failure (unless they happen to prefer the same things/activities as their parents, in the same amounts, which is rare).
Just something to think about.
Don't let them ise VR headsets though, it destroys the eyes.
Very, very true. All good points.
Interesting about VR. I was not aware. Not something I am into but I am sure that is popular with kids. Good advice.
its the "dont sit so close to the tv or you will ruin your eyes" logic, but with the screen sitting on your eyeballs like a pair of glasses.
I can definitely get that logic.
I had limited screen time as a child, and all it did was taking away the thing I enjoyed doing, leaving me restless and bored. I think it can be done better, but then the parents are responsible for filling up the void with something that's equally exciting and engaging. You can't just take something away without adding something in return.
This is so well said:
"You can't just take something away without adding something in return."
The screen is not a parent. The screen is not a replacement for a parent. Circadian rhythm is important for children, allowing screen time after 8-9pm sets them up for sleep deprivation and sleeping disorders. Social media is designed to make the tech companies that run it a profit. Social media was never designed with children in mind along with much of the internet. By not setting parental controls and attempting to create a safe environment for children to use tech the parent is relying on the device to raise their children for them thereby neglecting the child's development and any emotional trauma that the internet can have.
This is a great question that is pretty unique to parents today! I try to advise parents to limit small children to 1 hour a day. It shows them discipline and seems to be a good amount to avoid addictions. I am scared for the habits that will form of children today.
How about in school? How much do they use devices like tablets nowadays? Just curious and I am sure all schools are different to an extent.
It differs from school to school. My school banned them until 5th grade where they only use them for educational purposes like to store textbooks and things of that nature.
That is very interesting they set a limit on grade level. Must be a reason behind that.
I wondered the same. I asked around but the decision much like everything in life was above me 😹
I don't limit my kids screen time anymore especially after covid with all the virtual schooling. They are only kids once so just let them have fun. Screen or whatever else they wanna do is fine with me.
Also one of my kids has such bad adhd that it was actually a struggle for him to even look at a screen for over 30 seconds for the first 5 years of his life now I'm happy if he even spends 10 mintues focused on a screen
Really good question. I don't have children, but I think limits and teaching self-discipline in children are so important for the future. I have a cousin who spends all his time on screens, and he's still pretty young. Even when he didn't have the screen, his hands were literally held in his lap like he was holding an iPad. And I keep seeing literal babies that aren't even a year old already addicted to their own devices. It's extremely weird, and depressing.
If it's something educational then we would be pretty lenient. As far as entertainment type screen time there will definitely be a limit. Social media will have to wait till they are well into their teens and showing good judgement.
I agree that it is more about the content and less about the time.
So, do you want your kids growing up with their noses on the boob tube, tablet, XBox, or other device, or outside in the sunshine playing with other kids? I think they should earn time on the screen by doing chores. Gain airtime for being helpful, or lose airtime for misbehaving or bad treatment of their siblings or disrespect of others. Nothing is free in life, so it will be a good thing to teach them that early.
I wouldn't give a kid that young a tablet nor phone. So all they’d really have is tv or video games. Games would be limited to 2 hours a day.
They probably wouldn't get a tablet or phone until they were 12
Fair point. I think the interesting thing now is the school dynamic where they are relying on tablets in the classroom. How you balance that with rules at home. Interesting discussions going on. Thanks for the opinion!
I don't know if its just because of living in the countryside, but my school had desktops and the students after us still only have that as well. Tablets go a bit overboard. I honestly even hated ebooks in college. Im old school and hate that ebooks just gave students an excuse to be on their device rather than actually paying attention to the book or the teacher. I was always that one student in college who bought the physical/hardcopy
i think phones/ tablets for children should be for educational or emergency use only. And timed appropriately. They should be outside playing if weather permits.
I agree completely with the outdoor activity. That is my worry with too much time on a device. Thanks for the opinion.
I would rather talk to them in person... lol j/k
I believe they should have no more screen time than they do outdoor activities. If they can spend an hour or two outside exercising their mind and body then they can have a couple of hours screen time.
The only restriction I would ever think to put on my kids is for them to ask permission to download an app, I willl never let them on social media for example.
Other than that, I will do what parents did before smartphones. They can do whatever as long as their homework is done and they will be grounded if I catch them slacking off on their school work.
In my opinion its not the duration which matters but the quality of the content they are consuming.
Yes, very true about that. This was brought up that my husband's niece, while limited in screen time to a point, was most educational apps. There is something to be said for that. Thanks for the opinion!
Nope not allowed at all. We ourselves don't use phones in front of them
Wow, good policy not doing it in front of them. Thanks for the opinion.
Well if you don't monitor it from the beginning then that addiction will set in and we all know kids don't have the responsibility or accountability of an adult so it can get bad.
I'm currently about 3/4 months pregnant and plan to install the same kind rules my parents had for me.
if i hv a kid in future he or she ain't getting no phone until 13 or smthing. screen time is one of the reasons of depression (i dont wanna sound like sm 40 year old saying tht its all electronics but social media can jus make it worse)
Under two they are not supposed to have any screen time but I am guilty of putting the tv on for my baby when I am eating so he will be entertained while I eat. I try to limit it as much as possible.
Unless she is doing homework, our daughter gets 15 minutes per day. But happily, she prefers reading a book, or drawing to being on her tablet.
No real opinion from my side. Rest assured I used computers and the internet to tune out of the harsh reality and abuse while I was depressed. AKA to mask the long term pain.
Social Media is cancer. I didn't even start with that junk.
My Oldest has told of 8 hours per day. This is across devices, she has a switch, tablet with kids youtube and plays my xbox and ps5.
I think everybody needs to get their nose out of the phone, tablet, computer, and tv and start living in the real world
I will say
: too much, too bad
:too little, too good
Couple hours if it's just entertainment.
Will tolerate more if its educational.
Don't give them any but two hours a week.
Is that what @bigpauly gets?
They are going to have to go back to limiting him to two questions a day. That will get the screen time down.
@bigpauly You have a long way to go to that fourth question...😬
@prettypriya Can you take a look at the message I sent?
Maybe an hr a day
@charlyquinn_ please
1 Program and done.
IT should be limited
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