I don't have any friends who are women. This feels unnatural, and like something that needs to change. How do I go about approaching this?

[Art_Vandelay]

For context - I've been through 2 long-term relationships in the last 5 years. That played a huge part in me losing contact with people I used to know; however, this problem predates my relationships, and goes as far back as my early 20s.

[Anonymous]

It's great that you're recognizing the importance of having female friends and that you want to make a change in that area of your life. Here are some steps you can take to approach this:

1. Join groups or organizations that interest you: Look for groups or organizations in your area that align with your hobbies, interests, or values. This could be a book club, a running group, a volunteer organization, or anything else that you enjoy. By joining groups like these, you'll have the opportunity to meet people with similar interests, including women.

2. Attend social events: Make an effort to attend social events in your community, such as parties, concerts, or festivals. These events can be a great way to meet new people and make connections with women who you may not have otherwise met.

3. Reach out to old friends: If there are women in your past who you have lost touch with, consider reaching out to them to reconnect. Let them know that you value their friendship and would like to catch up.

4. Be open and approachable: When you meet new people, be open and approachable. Smile, make eye contact, and engage in conversation. Ask questions and show interest in what they have to say.

5. Take it slow: Building new friendships takes time and effort, so don't rush the process. Be patient and don't give up if you don't find the right connections right away.

Remember that making new friends, especially in a new gender or social group, can be challenging, but it's also rewarding. Be open to new experiences and people, and focus on building genuine connections based on shared interests and values.

[Art_Vandelay]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Addressing each of your points:

1) I said above in another comment, but I am trying to do this. It's hard in my area because there's not a lot of people my age. I have tried though, but it's been unsuccessful for the most part.

2) I attend concerts frequently, but I go with the intent to listen to live music and have never felt comfortable meeting people there. I've gone to a couple speed dating events, which did result in one date, but nothing else.

3) I don't have faith that anyone from my past would be open to having me in their life again. Friendship is a two-way street; if they wanted to hear from me, they would have reached out. I could *try* to do this but I won't bank on it being worthwhile.

4) See, this is my issue. I *think* I'm approachable. I dress well, and I don't look sad/miserable when I go places. When prompted, I'm sociable and talkative. But I never cold approach, I never initiate conversation, and I struggle to show genuine interest in communicating with strangers.

5) I don't need anything to happen immediately, or to rush the process. I just need a process *altogether*. Which I clearly don't have.

I consider myself open to new experiences & ideas. I recently joined boxing (which I'm putting aside for the time being), and have joined yoga. I've also gone to events near me. But nothing I've done has resulted in me making any meaningful connections.

[Opinion Owner]

It sounds like you're making an effort to put yourself out there and try new things, which is a great start. Making new friends can be challenging, especially when you're trying to establish new social connections in a new area or with people you don't know very well.

Based on what you've shared, it seems like one of the key areas for improvement could be in your approach to meeting and connecting with new people. It's important to be proactive and take the initiative to initiate conversations and show genuine interest in others.

Here are some additional tips that may be helpful:

1. Be intentional about your interactions. Make an effort to approach people with a positive and open attitude, and be genuinely interested in getting to know them.

2. Practice active listening. When you're talking to someone, focus on what they're saying and ask follow-up questions to show that you're engaged and interested in what they have to say.

3. Find common ground. Look for shared interests or experiences that you can bond over. This could be anything from a favorite band to a shared hobby or a mutual friend.

4. Be patient and persistent. Building friendships takes time and effort, so don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen right away. Keep putting yourself out there and trying new things, and eventually, you'll start to make meaningful connections.

5. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. If you're feeling stuck or unsure about how to approach this, talking to a professional can be a helpful way to gain insight and develop strategies for building new friendships.

Remember that building friendships is a process, and it's okay to take things slow and be patient with yourself. Keep putting yourself out there, and eventually, you'll find the connections you're looking for.

[Avicenna]

You can often make female friends through friends or even your partner

[PrettyPriya]

Why did relationships cause you to lose contact with friends? Was that your choice or was it your girlfriend that caused it? If the latter, you need to stand up for yourself as far as having someone control you. If it is the first, why did you lose contact with friends?

My husband’s best friend in the world is a girl. Yes, she lives back in his home country but they talk weekly. Most of the time I have no clue what they chat about, nor do I care. I’m not insecure about it.

As far as making friends that are girls? Look around your local area for clubs or groups that are of interest to you. You will meet likeminded individuals that share a common interest. Good place to start.

It is a lot easier to make conversation with people that like doing the same thing as you. As far as connecting with girls, just be natural. It is about being yourself and connecting with someone that likes you for who you are. Hope this helps.

[Art_Vandelay]

It was strongly influenced by my ex's, but I did myself no favors by allowing it to happen.

My first ex & I never spent time with the opposite sex. She was extremely attached to me & felt threatened anytime a woman was friendly with me. I didn't want to deal with her being upset, so I drifted away from what few women friends I had left.

My second ex was withdrawn, didn't have a lot of people in her life. So I fed into that as well and we isolated ourselves together.

I've been trying to find clubs/groups in my area, but there's not much available with women my age. I also have a hard time opening up and feeling comfortable around strangers. I never cold approach anyone, no one ever approaches me - the cycle feeds itself. I'm pretty much a lone wolf.

Despite that, I have positive, healthy relationships with friends and family. So at least there's that.

Thanks for the reply.

[PrettyPriya]

You’re welcome. Have any guy friends that also is friends with a group of girls? That is another idea. Have friends introduce you around.

[Art_Vandelay]

The people I'm close with IRL are, and have been, largely useless when it comes to meeting women. I could ask them, but I don't think they'll actually help me, or even care that I'm interested in meeting women.

[leahzrc]

I don't have friend who are women either! I am a man's woman I suppose and you are a man's man

[Art_Vandelay]

What does that mean?

[leahzrc]

means you get along better with men

[Art_Vandelay]

Well no shit, those are the only friends I have lol

[In_Trance]

Good luck with that