How can I save him?

[Anonymous]

So my “partner” doesn’t really tell me how he feels. Of course he’s into me he shows affection. But every time I ask him if “this is okay?” He’s always like “it’s up to you or however you want it.” Sometimes he hesitates. He always tells me the truth. But, I have a feeling he’s been hurt in the past and he won’t open up to me. He just indulges himself in marijuana and alcohol.

He invited me over to his house after he saw me hanging out with my friends. He’s never on his phone he’s just sleeping and watching tv. Every time I talk about my friends with him he gets quiet too. I just wish he would tell me how he feels about my friends and about his life. We talked for a bit, I told him I was going off to college then he got quiet and asked me where I was going and he responded with “oh.” I wish he would tell me how he feels.

[Anonymous]

It's natural to want to help and support someone you care about, but it's important to remember that you can't force someone to open up or change their behavior. Ultimately, it's up to your partner to decide when and how to talk about his feelings and experiences.

The best thing you can do is to continue to be there for him and create a safe and supportive environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings. You could try to initiate conversations about his life and interests, and let him know that you're there to listen and support him.

It's also important to set boundaries and take care of your own emotional well-being. It's not your responsibility to "save" your partner or fix his problems, and it's okay to prioritize your own needs and boundaries in the relationship.

Encourage your partner to seek professional help if he is struggling with addiction or other mental health issues. You could offer to support him in finding resources, such as therapy or support groups, and let him know that you care about his well-being.

Remember that change takes time, and it's important to be patient and understanding as your partner works through his challenges. Focus on building a strong and healthy relationship based on communication, empathy, and respect, and let your partner know that you're there to support him through the ups and downs of life.

[Asker]

I know I really want to help because I care about him. I’ve met his mom and everything and she really likes me. I always wondered why he hasn’t committed to me yet. Should I just leave him?

[Opinion Owner]

I understand. It's understandable that you care for your partner and want to help him, but it's also important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries. If you feel like your partner's hesitancy to commit or his substance use is negatively affecting your own happiness or mental health, it may be worth considering whether this relationship is the right fit for you.

It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your concerns and feelings. Let him know how his behavior is affecting you and ask him if he's willing to work on these issues together. If he's not willing or able to make changes, it may be a sign that it's time to move on.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and supported. It's okay to prioritize your own well-being and to make decisions that are best for you, even if that means ending a relationship.

[slatyb]

You can't save anyone. Go to college and date your classmates.