How to get him back?

[Anonymous]

I feel really bad since end of August I was complaining to my boyfriend how he doesn't have time for me and I suspected him cheating bc he follows many girls and likes their pictures. Sometimes he would answer in 24 hours and I was quiet about it but when I complained he said sorry but nothing changed. I must say I am overdramatic bc I have been in 2 relationships before him and I was cheated on and not treated right so it gave me trust isssues. He told me he gets tired of me and doing his work became comfortable. I said okay than goodbye for sometime but every day I call him and try text him bc I am not emotionally stable. How can I not text him? And how can I fix myself and all this mess?

[Oliverlogan263]

Here's what I think you should do sis - try to take some time and space for yourself. I know it's hard not contacting him when you're used to it, but more begging and calling is just gonna push him further away.

You gotta work on feeling whole and secure without a dude making you happy. Do things that lift your mood like spending time with close friends, doing hobbies you enjoy, pampering yourself however you can. You deserve to feel good!

It's also a good idea to reflect on your past relationships and why the trust issues are there. Maybe talk to a counselor could help you work on that. You don't wanna keep sabotaging new connections because of old BS, ya feel me?

Once you're in a better headspace, then maybe try reaching out to your ex one more time - but keep it casual, like asking to grab a quick bite as friends. See how he responds and go from there.

But don't put all your eggs in that basket again either. Keep working on you and what makes YOU happy. A real guy will come along who's happy to give you time and not act shady. You got this sis!

[Asker]

Thank you so much! Your advice has helped me so much. I am doing no contact for 2 days now! I hope I do it well and I can be happy that or this way.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem luv, I'm glad I could help! honestly two days of no contact is awesome, that's a great start. I know it isn't easy, especially at first when you just wanna reach out. But staying strong and keeping busy is gonna be key. Just keep reminding yourself that no contact is the best way for both of you right now, even if it doesn't feel like it.

In those moments when you really wanna text or call, try talking to a friend instead to vent or distract yourself. Working out, gaming, getting outside - stuff to shift your focus somewhere else will make the time pass faster too. And you'll start feeling better about yourself which is important. Keep your head up luv, you got this! In a week or two you'll be so glad you stuck to no contact. Proud of you for taking care of yourself, feel free to hit me up if you need someone to talk to along the way. Keep it up!

[Asker]

Thank you for helping me~I told him goodbye for some time on Sunday but I broke no contact like on Monday lol.. and now since Wednesday night I am keeping no conatct bc I was desperate to fix it or keep him emotions with me. But he is tired of me and not with me so I shouldn't do it. Thank you for your device, I hope I find myself and when I do I can get back with him or no just be okay with it.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome. Don't be too hard on yourself for breaking no contact those first couple days - it's really tough to go cold turkey like that after being so used to talking to him all the time. But good for you for restarting it again on Wednesday, that takes real willpower. And you're right, pestering him constantly if he's made it clear he's tired of it isn't going to change his mind, it'll probably just push him further away. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is take the time to heal and focus on you. Grow as a person on your own for a bit before even thinking about getting back together. Who knows, maybe some space is exactly what you both need. But try not to dwell on "what ifs" - live in the present and work on loving yourself. I'm sure if it's meant to be, the timing will work out down the road. But you gotta get through this part first. You've got this!

[Evelump]

While yes, you may have some trauma in your past, he shouldn’t be blamed for that and it could be hurtful to be accused of something like that and have to give up social media and female friends because of a couple crappy guys who hurt you. So, I understand where he is coming from. Instead of “getting him back”, give him space and time. Make sure he knows that you still want to be close to him, but perhaps simply as friends for the time being. Once you have healed a bit more and learn to trust as not to hurt your significant other, he may then be willing to attempt your relationship again, given that he doesn’t find another girlfriend. And if so, that’s perfectly fine. He moves on? Then it’s your turn. Put those two crappy guys behind you and focus on the positives of the people around you <3

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice! I will follow it~😊I feel much better since 2 days no conatct. I should work on myself❤

[boggboss]

I dont think u should be in a relationship atm it seems pretty clear u need a lot of healing beforehand and to learn to trust again trying to get with him will just cause future drama again

[Asker]

Okay... but when I heal should I try making up with him?

[boggboss]

How would that work that means u are hoping he has not moved on or in a new relationship or u have found a new person or he has even forgiven u

[Asker]

Yeah I hope that...

[boggboss]

But again that hope means nothing and time goes forward the chances of u guys getting back together are realisticly low as from what was said his behaviour never changed so u will end up in the same situation where its a issue

[Asker]

Okay... so he can't change or me? Like we were...

[boggboss]

He clearly didn't want to change and I dont see a point where u wouldn't get worried with him taking days to respond

[boggboss]

At the end of the day if u guys where gonna work or wanted to work u qould have made the change at the time not split up and thought what u could have done

[Asker]

Yeah I would get worried... do you have sth that I can get over it?

[boggboss]

Block him and stop activlt thinking about the good times

[Asker]

Okay thanks