How can I get him back?

[Anonymous]

I was dating a guy on and off for 10 months. We got on really well, had a strong attraction etc.
He ended it, saying he can;t have a relationship at the moment as he needs to focus on himself (doesn;t have a job, recent bereavement, anxiety). I got really upset as I felt Id been strung along for a long time and it spirlled into a massive argument and he said some really nasty things.
He then blocked me on everything, although did temporarily unblock me a week later to send a massive essay basically saying he cares about me and that it was all him. He also said we may be able to meet up in a month or so if I want. He blocked me again before I had a chance to respond.

We live in the same building and are family friends, so even though im blocked on everything it hasn’t been a complete clean break.

We are also in lockdown and he doesn't work.

I respect the fact he doesn't want a relationship but I want him back as a friend or to date him casually again, I really miss him and hate how im blocked.

[Ozanne]

You're sending a message that you are perfectly fine with being completely disregarded in all respects. He's the one that called all the shots, had the power to unblock and send a message, had the power to keep you from responding, and is giving you permission to see him in about a month.. if you want.

He also seemed to have gotten away with being completely abusive to you verbally, as after it happened, he also took the power and broke up with you. So looking at every description here, it's him holding all the cards, and you are just there taking whatever scraps he decides to throw your way.

To me, that's not good enough for anyone in a relationship, and I don't buy the "no job, bereavement, anxiety" bullshit as any reason for someone to have the upper hand.

When people are in relationships and go through these things, they go through them together and each person has a part to play to help the other. You were with him for ten months - that's a significant amount of time for someone like him to recognize that you are willing to commit. He's using anxiety and other downfalls as an excuse, and it's called one thing: manipulation.

I think if you look at the real reason, is your feeling to him more of sexual attraction and the need to fix him? Because if so, those aren't strong enough reasons to make things a healthy relationship. He's preventing a lot of happiness for you, and likely wanting you to be a bit miserable while he is.

If you want him back - let him go. DON'T play his games. I'm not saying move on to someone else, necessarily (unless you want to), but stand your ground and make it clear that you are worth more that you're getting. You aren't asking for his money or his resources - only his love and respect, and those things aren't too tough for someone after ten months. I think he needs to learn a lesson that this isn't how you treat people who are there for him.

If it were me, I'd be taking back control of *my* life and happiness, and not let someone else let me know when I can come back. If he wants you back, he can begin now to see the new you and what he's in for and find out if that's the girl he wants back. But flopping around worrying about blocks and messages, and what not - those are games and I'd be removing myself from all of that altogether and let him know that you're beyond playing these games and you're willing to be a part of his life once he starts to respect you.

Sorry if it sounds harsh... I'm reliving a bit of something similar I went through with someone like this, and I'm saying all the things I wish someone had told me back then. LOL Good luck. :)

[SueShe]

Do not attempt to take him back, even as a friend.

You will sound (and) look as if you are desperate and that is not the impression that you want to give because he will realize it and then you will end up just being tossed around like a rag doll. He knows he can do with you whatever he wants.

Be the one that has character and make a clean break by not attempting anything that could be misunderstood. You have your self-esteem and dignity, so do not let him play with your feelings by blocking you on and off.

Show him that you are not the kind of person that lets herself be stepped on.

[zeitgeist057]

best to just chill and forget about it for now, let him have the space he obviously requires. That's the best bet for a future, any pushing or prodding now is just disrespectful to his stated wishes and actions trying to shut you out. Sorry, it seems hard and maybe take this time to think about him and you and what you want from him and if a guy who acts like this is either mature and doing the right thing or is it immature and could it lead to trouble?

[Anonymous]

Do you truly believe what he is saying? If not then move on. If you do believe him then ask him what he is comfortable with but dont put all of your eggs in one basket

[In_Trance]

You can't. Stop holding on to the thought that it could have been different.